What Pace Do Fearful Avoidants Want To Move At When Dating? | Fearful Avoidant Dating

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Advanced Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style Course: Your Guide to Thrive in the 6 Stages of a Relationship

In this video, I talk about the pace at which Fearful Avoidants are prone to move when dating.

Are you a Fearful Avoidant attachment style or have you ever dated one and wished things could move just a little quicker?
What are some pacing issues you've experience in dating?

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:34 - What Does Pace Mean To Attachment Styles?
00:02:09 - Moving Slowly
00:02:44 - Understanding Pace & the Fearful Avoidant
00:04:39 - Goldilocks Zone
00:05:54 - 7-Day Free Trial: Advanced FA Course
00:06:33 - Time to Commitment
00:08:33 - Pacing and Texting
00:10:17 - 7-Day Free Trial Ad
00:11:50 - Conclusion

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#FearfulAvoidantDating #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidantCourse #FearfulAvoidantAttachment #DatingPace #DatingFearfulAvoidant

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[mercymunoz]

I just realized that I am a fearful avoidant- leaning DA. It makes sense that I am because I tend to attract anxious preoccupied partners or avoidant ones. I prefer, 6 months for commitment. 3-4 months is too soon for me. I also prefer not to talk to someone everyday when I am getting to know someone. I like to have time to myself because relationships are still very triggering for me. Besides, I like to have time to myself to recharge since I am introvert. This days in between (of not texting) allows me to regulate my nervous system and be more present when we do. I am also about “quality” conversations not “quantity”. I do not want to text someone everyday, I’d prefer 1 hour of “quality” conversations throughout the day rather than meaningless conversation all throughout the day. I don’t need to know everything that you do during the day. It’s actually kind of exhausting for me and don’t really care for it.

[tinkerz]

FA finally dating a secure and the pacing is perfect. There’s no pressure. He’s not overbearing and demanding-yet he’s also consistent. I can finally relax.

[coreygeiger]

The board game analogy is one of the most accurate descriptions I’ve ever heard about any kind of relationship.

[Mississippian]

I was so scared of the whole thing, I didn't even want to call it "dating". I could only bear to think of it as a friendship because I didn't want it to progress to anything more scary. Romance was out of the picture till he was already meeting my top needs. It worked out much better as it created a more realistic relationship rather than both of us trying to fill into the role of partners. I didn't care about how long it took.

[datshoehead]

Wow this seems spot on with the FA girl I was just talking to. We were texting for a few weeks before I finally asked her out, I was setting the pace of texting her maybe every other day (and I'm AP lmao), just to get to know each other and see the connection. We finally go out, have a great time, the chemistry is clearly there. Then she steps up the texting and snapchats to daily and all day. So to me I'm like "ok, I can reciprocate this, it's the pace she wants". This went on for another 6 weeks, going on a date a week, all seemed good. Then the holidays roll around (she's mentioned the holidays are always a hard time for her/family stuff), I can see she's stressed, starts to withdraw and things kinda go down hill from there. She was a great girl, and we never got to place of commitment so I've just let her go. But from this video, sounds like she probably burned out and the flight response kicked in. I won't lie, the abruptness of the ending still stung. She was a very cool person and she shared with me a lot of the trauma she experienced in her childhood, and I appreciated her feeling comfortable enough to do that. I hope she is able to work through these things, and hey maybe one day we meet again.

[jude]

Between coming across these videos and The Crappy Childhood Fairy videos...learning about Fearful Avoidance, Limerick, CPTSD, Disregulated Nervous Systems....for the 1st time in my life I feel seen. Happy healing to us all! I am so happy to discover tools to help me work through these things.

[cloudslady]

I’m beyond shocked by FA’s who want to text EVERY day that’s overwhelming for me…even though I’m Fa too but two to three times a week of texting or calling or anything is more than enough for me..

[marekin]

As a FA leaning DA... I'm more likely to want commitment with a DA than a PA because the expectations from a PA is just way too much too soon. DAs are more respectful of my boundaries I feel. I also don't like the all day texting "what are you doing?", When I see that, I'll only ignore you😬

[mcgeeSmith]

Dude. What you said at the 9 minute mark was the final piece, I think. He even tried to tell me (in cute therapy speech, ) but I was also triggered but didn't know about any of this, so I leaned anxious, when I'm really not. I wish I'd found you three months ago, but I'm glad I found you now.

[ScottH]

Wow, you just explained what happened in my last relationship. She's definitely FA but I didn't know that- she didn't state it on her dating profile and I had no way of knowing. We went too fast and she hit the eject button suddenly. I wondered why she couldn't discuss the pace- I would've been happy to slow things down.
I've been suffering since but this helps to understand. Thank you!

[ronaldharrison]

Great video. I now understand that our two different attachment styles had more to do with our relationship ending than our final disagreement. My old FA would have to become secure in order for our relationship to stand a chance for long-lasting survival.

[henryzhao]

Not just FA but CPTSD makes people end things before they start right

[iashleighx]

Omg Thais I've been waiting for this video after you posted the others and to my surprise you use my spirit animal...sea turtle ❤️❤️❤️

[gogohappygirl]

Spot on as usual! This describes me to a T as an FA leaning AA. Here’s an interesting sidenote. I met my partner online during the pandemic when we were still locked down & unvaccinated, so we had an extra stage of dating virtually. It was at the four month point of virtual dating after our first vaccine that I finally felt ready to take that next step of meeting in person. Then after four months of dating in person, I felt ready to move to the next level until, of course, something happened to trigger my anxious side & then I swung into my avoidant side & pulled back. Two years later, and we’re still together, though, moving at our slow pace. I liken us to a snail & a turtle. If you haven’t guessed already, I’m dating a DA or possibly an FA leaning DA. 🐌💜 I’d love it if you could do a video about how virtual dating during the pandemic has impacted the pace of relationships, especially for FA and DA.

[howtosober]

Just a note on texting, it's not always the attachment system that determines texting behavior. Texting is not everyone's favorite mode of communication- unless it's for short, transactional messages, ex.- and many of us who are neurodivergent absolutely hate it. Nothing makes me feel more like a hostage than being tied to a device where I have to quit what I'm doing with my hands every few seconds/minutes to message someone back so they don't feel like I'm being rude. It feels intrusive to what has my attention in the moment and makes it too hard for me to focus on what's in front of me. When someone insists on texting as being their main mode of communication and won't adjust by calling instead after I've stated my needs, I start getting resentful and lose interest in the connection. For anything longer than three sentences or three messages back and forth, I want to be called or talk face to face.

[TatiTalks]

Do you have any fun exercises fearful avoidants can do with their partners to build healthy connection at the start of a relationship? I’m thinking of question game or almost a mini exposure therapy session but broken down into bitesized pieces - like a hack to avoid burnout/encourage being present/avoid pressure build up.

Want it to be a little fun! A less stressful exercise to do together to break down limiting beliefs and encourage not abandoning yourself

[tammy]

I had not looked at any of my attachement style before getting into my second marriage, the marriage ended. This time even though I am not sure what I am doing I do know that I am taking the time to try and figure this out. No sense in repeating the same mistakes over and over and uprooting my life again and again to start over again and again,

[sclever-qkxt]

this is the first video that doesn't upset me

[koala]

My FA ex came in full speed, exclusive since day 1 (he laid his eyes on me years ago but never stopped me to talk until he found me again accidentally), texting a lot like every day and even for hours and hours, seeing each other a lot, he pulled back during the Xmas holidays (stressful period), then we talked & he opened up to me about some struggles & him keeping people at arm's length, then the connection got deeper and deeper & all his fears started to come up & after 4 months run away, even though he was still full of feelings.

[aaronsinspirationdaily]

Thus definitely rules out my ex being an FA. She didn’t match this at all. Thankyou for helping.