133. From Good to Great: How Supercommunicators Unlock the Secrets to Connection with Charles Duhigg

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg shares what he means by the term "supercommunicator" and what it takes to become one.

In his conversation with host and Stanford GSB lecturer Matt Abrahams, Duhigg illustrates his transition from exploring personal growth for his bestselling books, "The Power of Habit" and "Smarter Faster Better," to investigating the realm of communication, his own and others’.

“One of the things that we know about supercommunicators is that they seem to notice what kind of conversation is going on,” Duhigg says. His current book, "Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection" came out earlier this year.

Abrahams and Duhigg explore the precise techniques that distinguish a “supercommunicator:” traits such as active listening, looping for understanding, and identifying someone's true feeling underneath their actual words.

“They've trained themselves to look for the little clues or cues that tell us, ‘oh, this person might be talking about something that seems practical, but they're feeling something. This is an emotional conversation,’ or, ‘that person is talking about a plan they want to make.’”

[ReflectionOcean]

00:13:19 Listen actively by using the technique of looping for understanding.
00:15:37 Prepare deep questions that focus on values, beliefs, and experiences to foster meaningful conversations.
00:17:49 Recognize the importance of control in different contexts.
00:18:23 Practice giving junior team members a voice in meetings.
00:19:03 Emphasize conversational equity in hybrid communication settings.
00:19:49 Recognize and adapt to different types of conversations: practical, emotional, and social.
00:21:01 Understand the nuances of online communication channels.
00:22:42 Take a moment to consider the mode of conversation before communicating.
00:23:29 Slow down your communication to enhance understanding.
00:23:35 Control the boundaries of a conflict to prevent it from escalating into unrelated issues.
00:25:24 Practice paraphrasing to validate the other person's words and demonstrate active listening.
00:25:34 Embed information in stories to make it more memorable.
00:25:50 Focus on the middle of your stories to engage listeners effectively.
00:29:40 Ask questions that invite more information and show genuine interest in understanding the other person.
00:30:40 Ask questions to show interest and deepen relationships.
00:32:55 Display vulnerability to make others feel comfortable around you.
00:33:00 Take a moment to control yourself, the environment, and the boundaries of the conflict during disagreements.
00:33:36 Listen actively, recognize emotional cues, and adapt the conversation accordingly.
00:34:48 Share your unique perspectives and experiences to make conversations more engaging.
00:37:55 Understand the differences in conflict resolution between personal and professional settings, considering power dynamics and appropriateness.

[k.t]

Mad looks an amazing person.
His attitude when he listens, he is performing all practices he learned in his podcast.

[PhilippBenz]

A very powerful conversation. Tell me more...

[ecofriend]

The middle arc is the most important is coz that's where the most learning can happen. People have similar struggles so the beginning and the end are things people are familiar to them. What different people do in the middle from beginning to end is what makes the difference.

[williamscollegecss]

This incorporates some basic NLP Learning modality and criteria training. I love your work, Charles, and just bought this book.

[aja]

It is so satisfying to watch & listen to master communicators - topnotch articulation! Thank you, Matt & Charles!🎉

[darshantsdarshan]

Wow! GSB should promote this content :) Superb and such a critical podcast #2024

[FeliciaStepanpodcast]

It's fascinating how much the way we communicate affects the message itself. This reinforces the importance of not only being a good listener, but also consciously choosing the right channel, based on the kind of conversation we want to have.
This video sparked a lot of thought. I'm curious – what are some subtle cues and habits that help us become a better listeners? I'd love to hear some tips.

[Pwrb]

Nice collaborative discussion filled with caring connection. Well done! Thank you.

[RanmaSyaoranSaotome]

There's a great book on deep conversations called 'Small Talk Small Ideas: Fifty Ways to Have a Deep Conversation'.

[jenniferenglish]

Loved listening to this talk❣️ Thank you‼️

[flowerhouseok]

Oh my goodness I totally connected with this! I just landed a position where I field and decipher patient complaints, concerns and compliments and I think it is a Goldilocks position for me because Im able to super communicate and would love to help others tap into how to do this

[jaydeeppatidar]

I have few questions, would love to have conversation
1. When person A talks with person B, for starters it is good to exchange values and belief. However along the way you start developing biases towards next person and your mind become clouded with biases - what do we do then, how to have conversation ? ( what strategies to use then ?)

2. People often are busy in their head and when you think who smiled back at you when you smiled - would it lead to any conclusion then ?

[TheWood]

I think this captures one of the ideas, I like me best when I am with you

[rmschindler]

“Think Fast, Talk Smart” — I wonder if the name might one day change to: “Think Slow, Speak Wisdom” :)

[AtandraBhar]

This is a very good conversation. As an aspirent of US MBA course, how conversation helps me to be successful in the said course. Thank you.

[СветланаЧернышова-йщ]

Thanks very much ❤ I learn English and communication skills 😊 of this good information content! Developmental 😇🍀

[jacksguitarplanet]

Very helpful. Thank you for the video.

[makersfieldguide]

What's Dan Bilzerian doing at Stanford?

[narayanaraokdsss]

Best way is learning something new hobbies