Melancholia by Charles Bukowski (read by Tom O'Bedlam)

There are some people who are perpetually gloomy and get pleasure out of it. Bukowski was more influenced by Thanatos than Eros. Thanatos is personified love of death - a winged boy like Cupid. Euthanasia comes from the same root. He called himself The Suicide Kid and tried to kill himself a few times, but it seems that this was his way of fiercely embracing life, of being "half in love with easeful death" (John Keats said that)

You would think the best way to play the mating game is to find somebody who brings out your best qualities, somebody that will enter into a mutually rewarding partnership. We do judge people ultimately by how much use they are to us - that might seem cynical but when the crush wears off it's what is left. It's foolish to stay with a partner who makes you angry, despondent or jealous. You don't need proof - the problem isn't their infidelity, it's your jealousy. If they can't put your mind at ease then leave . Don't stay and do something crazy.

People are often advised "be yourself" - but do we have only one self? Don't the circumstances and the company change who we are? People can drive you nuts or make you a hero. If you stay with a toxic partner then you're depriving yourself of a supportive one. You're also learning bad habits.And it's easier to get out sooner rather than later, before you have too much invested and feelings you can't control.

Bukowski seemed to deliberately choose women who would give him a hard time. When you hear him talk about it, don't you get the impression he's getting a kick out of it?

Excursion Into Philosophy by Edward Hopper, 1959

Bukowski Portrait by Richard Tito

The Redhead comes from a partfolio called melancholia by Rouble Rust

Cartoon by Robert Crumb.

the history of melancholia
includes all of us.
me, I writhe in dirty sheets
while staring at blue walls
and nothing.
I have gotten so used to melancholia
that
I greet it like an old
friend.

I will now do 15 minutes of grieving
for the lost redhead,
I tell the gods.
I do it and feel quite bad
quite sad,
then I rise
CLEANSED
even though nothing
is solved.

that's what I get for kicking
religion in the ass.
I should have kicked the redhead
in the ass
where her brains and her bread and
butter are
at ...

but, no, I've felt sad
about everything:
the lost redhead was just another
smash in a lifelong
loss ...

I listen to drums on the radio now
and grin.

there is something wrong with me
besides
melancholia.

[janiceward]

Wish I'd had just five minutes with charles bukowski, I know I would have learned a lot..!what a legend he was and

[cdream]

Melancholia is the true feeling of life, deep powerful depression after the anxieties attack. "Should I kill it or let it kill me?" It's the ultimate struggle within.

[manuag]

These narrations are amazing, what a voice!

[nattydubs]

Tom, this is one of your best. A splendid reading; just the tonic to start another "good day."

[wecrossedtheatlantic]

I adore this and I am very glad to be a subscriber to SpokenVerse's additions to YouTube. Thank you SpokenVerse.

[PlayItMeAgainSam]

A terrific Bukowski reading & video upload, Tom! Thanks for posting it.

[chairman]

Bukowski's a Genius hands down ✌️

[vincentkline]

I would guess: Chuck was better in print than in person... though he left, us, quite a treasure-trove of down trodden wisdom.

[WildBillZim]

A swell experience to start my day: thought-provoking poetry, an expert reading, an essay on Eros/Thanatos & relationships, and varied, relevant art. (The Crumb effort made me laugh.) Thanks.

[MegaAnonymousCitizen]

You capture the emphasis so greatly. Keep it up!

[sparklelight]

you make Melancholia sound good, always great to listen your reads - great blessings

[lovepeacepoetry]

Perhaps some people attain pleasure from the rewards they reap from appearing gloomy, but a true melancholic or depressive experiences an absence of enjoyment of most anything that formerly gave them pleasure. Sure, we may eat, sleep, screw, drink, work or otherwise attempt to self-medicate/endorphin ourselves out of it, but this is rarely a permanent fix. Likely, his aversion to stability indicates the difficulty of modifying behavior in the absence of a healthy chemical rewards circuit.

[DavidJBauman]

Yes, I do think you are right. He does seem to enjoy, if nothing else, making his failed relationships into fodder for new poems. I know women who always chose the abusive type, and I wonder if it is so they can be once again proven right.