'Taco-Flavored Kisses' (Official Video) - SOUTH PARK

Cartman makes a music video at the mall featuring his J-Lo hand-puppet. It gets sent to a major record label and the execs love it.
"Fat Butt and Pancake Head" S07

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EXT. MALL - DAY
CARTMAN
Oh man! A twenty dollar gift certificate at the mall! I can buy what ever I want! Cultural Diversity day kicks ass!
Meanwhile, Kyle is pulling up the rear complaining to himself.
KYLE
It isn't fair... I spent WEEKS preparing my speech on Latino culture!
CARTMAN
Hey, I spent weeks preparing too, Kyle.
KYLE
(stopping)
No you didn't, asshole! What you did was totally stupid and racist! And you ONLY DID IT TO SCREW ME OVER!!!
CARTMAN
(walking up to Kyle)
Awwww, I don't think Kyle likes you, Ms. Lopez.
MS. LOPEZ
(drooping down)
Awww, that makes me muy triste.
CARTMAN
Ms. Lopez, do you like Kyle?
MS. LOPEZ
Oh, si, si, very much.
CARTMAN
Ms. Lopez, Would you like to give Kyle a kiss?
MS. LOPEZ
Oh siiii, si, si... My kisses taste like tacos.
Cartman moves his hand to Kyle's mouth.
CARTMAN
(kissing sounds)
Kyle just stands there, glaring at Cartman.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Is nice?
MS. LOPEZ
Very nice.
(kissing sounds)
He so handsome.
(kissing sounds)
Finally, Kyle erupts.
KYLE
STOP IT!
CARTMAN
Hey, come on, guys! We can use part of my gift certificate to buy food at the food court!
KENNY
Woo-hoo!
INT. MALL - LATER
The boys continue through the mall. Kenny is carrying a bag of tacos. Cartman is feeding one to Ms. Lopez.
MS. LOPEZ
Mmm... Tacos... So yummy!!
KYLE
Stop wasting the tacos on your hand, Cartman!
CARTMAN
Hey, Ms. Lopez has to eat too!
KYLE
She's NOT eating it, it's just coming out her back side!
MS. LOPEZ
When YOU eat a taco it comes out YOUR back side too, cholo!
KENNY
(laughs)
Kyle glares at Kenny.
They walk past one of those cheesy 'make your own video' places. Which has a camera set up in front of a green screen.
MS. LOPEZ
Look! Look! Make your own music video!
KYLE
No, no, no! We're not going into one of those cheesy places, Cartman!
CARTMAN
I agree, those places are stupid.
MS. LOPEZ
It's not stupid! I need to make music video!
STAN
(To Ms. Lopez)
Look, We're not going in there so just -- wait, why the hell am I talking to your hand?
(To Cartman)
Look, we're not going in there so just knock it off!
CARTMAN
Hey, I'm on your guys' side!
MS. LOPEZ
Just wait ONE MINUTE! Let me see how much it is!
Cartman walks in. The boys follow.
KYLE
God dammit.
INT. MAKE YOUR OWN VIDEO - MALL - DAY
The boys walk up to the bored guy working the place. He's thumbing through a magazine.
VIDEO DUDE
Welcome to make your own video. All set to rock and roll?
MS. LOPEZ
How much to make a video?
VIDEO DUDE
Uh, well It's nine ninety five for a three minute tape.
CARTMAN
HA! We're not paying nine ninety five!
MS. LOPEZ
Oh PLEASE?! Come on guys!
KYLE
Cartman, will you stop this gayness?!
CARTMAN
Alright, alright, here's ten dollars!
KYLE
That's not what I meant!
VIDEO DUDE
Alright just come over here and stand in front of the green screen. What kind of song do you want?
MS. LOPEZ
Something hot and spicy!
The guy walks over to the playback system and starts playing a beat.
MS. LOPEZ (CONT'D)
Spicier.
The video guy starts playing another track.
MS. LOPEZ (CONT'D)
Spicier!
The video guy adds conga sounds to the beat.
VIDEO
Suddenly, Ms. Lopez is standing in front of one of those cheesy green screens, with video images playing behind her as she sings her song.
MS. LOPEZ (CONT'D)
Burrito! Taco! Taco! Burrito! Taco! Taco! Taco! Don't think because I gotta lot of money. I won't give you taco flavored kisses honey. I'm gonna fulfill all your wishes with my taco flavored kisses. Taco! Taco! Burrito! Burrito! Taco! Taco!
INT. MAKE YOUR OWN VIDEO - MALL - DAY
VIDEO DUDE
You know, I've seen a lot of videos here at the mall and that was by far the best!
MS. LOPEZ
Oh, gracias, Michael.
VIDEO DUDE
Hey, I've got a friend who's interning at a big record label in LA. I'll send a copy on to him, and maybe he'll get the big wigs to see it!
MS. LOPEZ
Oh, gracias, Michael! Gracias!
KYLE
Can we go now, please?!
CARTMAN
Yeah, I wanna leave!
KYLE
STOP IT, CARTMAN!
CARTMAN
What?!

[skwisgarskwigelf]

The fact that J-Lo got all pissed off when she saw this makes it even funnier 😂🤣

[ThePhillyGuy]

This was one of the best episodes of South Park ever. 18 years later, I still crack up laughing when I watch the Taco Flavored Kisses music video.

[JUNKZINTERLUDE]

“When you eat a taco it comes out your backside too-“

I’m in tears.

[KevyNova]

“She reminds me of J-Lo.”
“Yeah, but she’s younger and spicier!”

[ECartmanist]

Jennifer Lopez would get mad at people for quoting this episode infront of her

[serbiancrusader]

This song has been living rent-free in my head for 10 years lmao

[elisabethheiman]

As soon as I saw this video in my notifications, I started singing “Taco, taco! Burrito, burrito! Taco, taco!”

[helmutstein]

Gotta give cartman credit: he is an amazing

[thewildhealer]

Jokes aside, did anyone else realize Cartman bought food for Kenny? Cartman doing something nice is rare 😆

[sloanewalker]

Burrito, taco taco, burrito, taco taco taco,

Don't think just because I got a lot of money,
I'll give you taco-flavored kisses, honey
Fulfill all your wishes
with my taco-flavored kisses

Taco taco, Burrito burrito Taco taco,
Fulfill all your wishes
with my taco-flavored kisses! Taco taco.

[johnstjohn]

"I don't think JLo would like it very much if we signed this new girl. "

"No you're right...We're gonna have to fire JLo."
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[savanne]

"wait why the hell am i talking to your hand"

[ComicalRealm]

Fun fact: J-Lo used her cartel ties to execute any of her crew that sang this song.

[tacotrucktim]

HANDS DOWN

The funniest episode I've ever seen.

[TTS-TP]

As soon as the words "breakfast tacos" came out of her mouth, this song has been the first thing it makes me think of. I've had it stuck in my head and I haven't seen it since it aired. Had to come here so my friends don't all think I'm crazy as I sing to myself this song.

[JacquesHsu]

Is this video to celebrate the reunion of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck? 😂

[lizard]

Kenny getting excited for mall food is the best part of this video 0:40 😭😢

[obi-wan-shinobi]

My coworker and I constantly quote this song and it's hilarious 😂

[MrXabungle]

This is gonna get more views than J-Lo's new single

[_-Lx-_]

Mitch Connor, truly one of the greats of SP.