The Truth About Accepting Someone for Who They Are

In this video, Teal reveals the truth about accepting someone for who they are. So keep watching the video if you want to know the truth about accepting someone for who they are.

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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?

Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader and a Bestselling Author who is an expert in human development and relationships. She has over a decade of experience working with people of all walks of life with a mission to reduce human suffering.

Today, she’s also become an International Speaker, having facilitated retreats and life changing workshops in large venues worldwide. Teal was ranked 15th on The Watkins Most Spiritually Influential Living People in 2023.

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[dullgeek]

I think that there's a balance that needs to be struck between "accept me for who I am" and the reality that there are a great number of areas in my life that need to improve, that need to change.

I've been married 28 years and one of the things that makes our marriage work is that both she and I have an ongoing conversation about areas each of us need to change in our lives. If I were to say to my wife, "Stop trying to change me and accept me for who I am", I'd be doing two things:

1) assuming that this particular area of my life is perfect and doesn't require change and
2) forgetting that my wife loves me and can sometimes see areas that I need to change more clearly than me

Addressing which areas are those that need to change and which don't isn't simply cut and dry for either of us. It's an ongoing conversation and re-evaluation. When I examine myself, what I find is that "stop trying to change me" is way to aggressively end that conversation because I'm too lazy to confront something that might not be working well. IMHO it's much more productive to humbly engage in the conversation with the hopes that we'll eventually come to a conclusion about whether or not this is in fact an area that needs to change.

And yes this absolutely goes both ways. And when I'm the one bringing up an area that might need to change in my wife's life, it requires remembering that she's going to hear me better when I can approach the topic in a non-judgemental way, but lovingly, conversationally.

We wind up in a place where we accept some things and challenge other things. But that's *AFTER* a ton of conversation. Not at the beginning. I can't imagine either my wife or I saying, "Stop trying to change me". We both know that the other is trying to change us where we need it. And it's our job to consider if maybe they might be right. And it's their job to consider if they might be wrong. For us, we've found that works best and is most rewarding when we both approach that consideration with humility and a willingness to talk about it.

My $0.02.

[AceSky]

In accepting the reality of others as they are, you must also accept the reality of yourself as you are

[nonordinaryreality]

I hope Teal gets the recognition she deserves one day. A genius of our time ❤️

[fitforfreelance]

Key distinction. You can accept someone, then choose how you interact with them

[yousfiabdelali]

Acceptance is less about the other person and more about who you are and what you want.

[corporaterobotslave]

"It is what it is" is a lot like "I am who I am" is a lot like "take me or leave me". Heal from abandonment trauma first.

[indigoneutral]

Radical acceptance is neither to push away or pull towards. It's a state of observation, without superimposing your filters on top of somebody else. When you stop doing that, you meet them where they are at and can decide from there the direction of the relationship.

[cornwallismorgan]

Where I've noticed the struggle lies for me is that consistently, across many relationships, I'm the one who's willing to change things about myself that I can objectively determine need to change. And simultaneously, my previous partners refused to allow that change to take place. It's extremely difficult to find people who aren't okay with their dysfunction and are serious about addressing areas of their lives that lead to genuine incompatibility with relationships.

[mandaloolux]

I recently ended a friendship with a girl I've known for 31yrs.

Most of our hours of conversations involved her talking non-stop, rolling from one topic right into the next one without a pause. I enjoyed listening to her rant about stuff and hearing her tales.

But I noticed when i talked about something i was interested in she would listen for a few minutes then suddenly say "Oh I've got a client coming in, gotta go!" Click.

I stopped sharing things about myself to her because she never remembered stuff I told her anyway. It is also extremely frustrating when someone consistently assumes and misunderstands things about you that aren't true.

I finally realized she wasn't listening, wasn't interested, and doesn't care. She used me to yap at for hours and i allowed it. I have been a pushover and i excused myself because i loved her so much. But enough is enough.

So when she treated me like trash and imposed the silent tx over another misunderstanding, I decided it is over. I told her she is worth not one more second of my precious time trying to explain anymore.

I feel pretty good about this. I'm glad I could share in this beautiful space❤️ thanks 😊

[MartinKPettersson]

When I used to live as a Buddhist monk we often talked to people about acceptance and loving kindness in combination.

Just like Teal is saying, I always had a hard time understanding why people then couldn't see that they could move in and out of those situations, or change how they acted around it.

By accepting you let go of the resistance, then you can take action from a place of love, and peacefulness rather than anger and hatred.

Don't stay in a situation that is bad for you if you can move out or change how you're interacting with whatever that may be.

[annikabirgittanordlander]

”Down deep, we want people to recognize the reality of us and to approve of it. We want people to not just recognize the reality of us and stop trying to make us be different. We want them to like the reality of us, want it, embrace it, approve of it, be easygoing about it, accommodate it and love it. And because this is our desire, instead of seeking people who genuinely can do this, we expect all people to do that, even when they can’t and even when it is wrong for them to do. We perpetuate an illusion that this is possible. And we get ourselves into all kinds of incompatible situations because of it”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎

[shereeglasson]

I feel like I am ALWAYS the person that other people are trying to change, and never the person who is trying to change others. I don’t know what that means other than that I have become super unwell. And now I feel the only solution is to start trying to change others and so that I am on the front foot for a while and instead of constantly being on the backfoot and constantly needing to defend who I am to get through each day.

[Natalia_]

You improve my life day after day.
You've helped me more than any therapist ever did.
Thank you for doing what you do, Teal. <3

[potapotapotapotapotapota]

You will NEVER find someone who is completely compatible with you. There is always going to be an excuse you can use to leave someone. This generation is devoid of love, encouragement and commitment.

[natureshorts]

I honestly hate the saying "you should accept them exactly how they are." It implies that you don't want them to grow or improve in any area ever and suggests they shouldn't want to ever work on themselves either. I realize there is a mature way to understand this sentence too, but too often I've seen it used as a way for people to basically say everyone just needs to deal with me because I'm never going to adjust my behavior at all, which I think is unhealthy and childish and not conducive to a happy relationship with anyone.

Good video.

[queengoblin]

I learned this with my last roommate. He relentlessly flirted with me and made inappropriate jokes. It made me very uncomfortable but I went along with it thinking it was just part of who he was and I felt I had to go along w it to be his friend. I realized about four months in that no, this made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it, and in fact it WAS who he was and I just didn't like him as a person.

[annastone]

Teal Swan the light of sanity. Thank-you Teal!

‘Accept them for who they are’ in my life, has always been spoken by someone posing as being kind and loving but with a very powerful subtext of threat that I better ‘put up & shut up’!

ie endure whatever crap bullies and abusers throw our way..

it’s always been an enabling term used on victims to discourage them from challenging bad behaviour. Preventing them from protecting themselves.

[Dezdamoonbear]

Accept who people are but chose whether who they are is for you...

Make sure the person is someone who you can accept for who they are

[Angie.]

I swear for years you have been the most clearest right to the point no second guessing most accurate free therapist I have had the blessing to have in my most necessary moments and I am truly grateful for all that you give, you are light of clarity for all that seek answers and so much more, thank you immensely ❤

[nurulsyifaa]

Thank you, Teal. I really need this wake up call. I thought that acceptance means accepting my reality. I've never considered that includes accepting other people's reality too. It makes so much sense now.