You’re Doing A Better Job Than You Think

Your life isn't failing; it's just stretched thin.
This is not a cliche, empty reassurance, or toxic positivity: you're probably doing better than you give yourself credit for.

Think of yourself as a distribution manager with limited resources. You're juggling work, relationships, health, and home - all demanding more than you can give.

More than likely, you're using an incorrect metric to measure how well you're doing. I'm going to explain how to measure your success more accurately and feel good about your efforts.

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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.

But I do care.

00:00 Introducing the Measurement Problem
02:16 Unpacking the Resource Distribution Metaphor
05:33 The Competing Demands of Modern Life
09:06 Personal Reflections on Balancing Responsibilities
13:21 Redefining Success: From Perfection to Resilience

[monacaensam]

I’m doing a fabulous job managing my mental health- haven’t killed myself yet.

[samwarner]

Avoiding catastrophic failure is about the level I’m functioning at

[saltandpepperandmint]

I feel like I’m failing at life but at the same time it’s a miracle that I’m still sane

[larsbunch]

To extend the metaphor a bit, if the stores do not send back some of what is earned from selling product, it leaves the distribution manager with nothing to fund production. If your friends and family think you are doing alright or have their own issues and don’t provide you with the emotional support you need, you can end up feeling even more unable to function. Unfortunately a lot of us put up a facade of functioning adequately and others don’t see that we need help. The result can be an ever growing feeling that it is impossible to get your needs met.

[maureencameron]

What I find difficult to come to terms with is that my baseline level of functioning - the amount of energy and resources I had to keep everything at least running, if not thriving - has changed. It used to be that I could work seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, keep reasonably fit, have a social life etc. Now, after years of severe depression, I no longer work. I am tired after doing an errand or two. I have put on 30 lbs. I rarely leave the house outside of mandatory appointments or errands. Yes, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have now. But it's very hard to not go into the hole of despair when you realize your time/energy/attention resources are a mere fraction of what they used to be, and to not know how to build those back up, or if it's even possible.

[Brigantia]

Living in a scarcity-based monetary society these days feels like it's getting worse exponentially. Had to leave my job after the newly hired manager doubled my workload and cut my pay in half right after I came back from medical leave after a major surgery. The severe depression I already had from that job made it impossible for me to keep up with more than 5% of daily tasks and made me feel like I was being buried alive. Leaving that toxic workplace was so important, just to catch up with everything else that was spiraling out of control. It's harder than ever to do your best these days, when there's almost no chance of a good life and you just have to break your back to survive.

[marccarriere]

As a doctor, sharing your personal suffering, experiences and being empathetic to people who suffer makes a huge difference for me to understand, to accept my depression and listen carefully to your solutions. Thank you Scott, you are doing a great and important public service that is much needed.

[StudioHannah]

Resource management is one of the great struggles of adulthood.

This is a more complex version of the Spoon Theory, which is basically “I have only so many hit points (or spoons in my drawer) in a day and I have to choose where to use them.”

I definitely feel this way. Lately I’m pouring my energy into my job but it leaves so little energy for things I really love and that’s been bad for my mental health. I don’t want my job performance to suffer but I also don’t want my mental health to continue suffering.

[marigoldangel]

I 100% get this, your metaphor is good. I graduated with a massive debt and decided to focus on getting out of it. Nearly 10 years later, I am out of debt- but I have no friends, I have no spouse, I live in a small apartment, and I don't currently have a job. I now wake up in the night, panicking that I am running out of time for all I dreamed of in life. I will think about what you said to keep me going. The biggest issue is time and the fear of regret

[BOOcketMan]

Recently I came across this baker who said “life is about choosing which hardships are worth it.” And I think about that a couple times a day ever since.

[pippacarron]

I went through a major crisis last week (I got caught in a string by a contractor on a project and lost $60, 000). My benchmark for success has become that I behaved impeccably throughout the whole experience. I didn't shout or get angry; I didn't try to counter blackmail. I was polite and dignified in all my interactions in the situation. I've relinquished my need for revenge. My next step is to learn from the experience and let go of the overwhelming feeling of failure to monitor the situation more closely so I didn't get caught in the entrapment in the first place. Life is a jouney: we can make it harder for ourselves or we can refuse to exacerbate situations through self-flagellation.

[candyheartsart]

Thank you. I have Autism, ADHD and CPTSD. I home school my Autistic ADHD kid. I look after, feed, and clothe my kid, as well as putting him to bed and looking after his emotional needs. I clean the house, I run an art business, I am trying to upload videos to my art youtube. I have to look after my partners emotional needs, as well as my own, my partner helps sometimes. I take care of a disabled, incontinent dog. Sometimes I get to play a game of league of legends at night time. I am exhausted.

[barbarajean]

Yay! I'm calling a win by cleaning half the house today. Thanks, Scott! Love this

[joliannebaum]

Thank you thank you. I have struggled with depression for most of my life. Have been on antidepressants for over 35 years. I am a "high functioning" depressant. But what's high functioning. You are a god-send. You get it. Your videos give me hope. It is great to hear someone who actually knows. You give me hope for some success in life finally. I am 67 a still fighting the good fight.

[stevea]

Life is such a bumpy ride. It'll be such a relief to get to heaven someday. Just have to make it to the finish line with your soul intact. One day none of this suffering will matter. Just breath!

[trawll]

Spending at least 1 hour a day doing frivolous things like going for a drive or video games is what makes me okay with the rest of my life just being good. If I was only doing work and practical activities I would go insane and probably have mental health problems.

[stevec]

Yes. A measurement issue. After decades of a deep river of issues and sorrows, measuring progress against that is distressingly difficult. I feel like I am bouncing from mental agony in one arena to the same in another. Man, I hit my ceiling nearly every day...my mind keeps reminding me of my "lacks". This is wonderfully clear and helpful. It is why I often feel like just quitting. The word is overwhelm. I fell into anhedonia. My early childhood CPTSD made it imperative to be tops in all areas. I never could be. Not good enough was my long ago traumatic moment; it followed me for my lifetime. This is a new perspective for me; and it WILL make a difference. I will be thrilled for mediocre in most of my areas. Thank you.

[Michelle-styc]

I can relate to this so much as a single mom, full time therapist, and a romantic partner, having ADHD, plus everything I have to do in my home. Everyday I am overwhelmed and struggling.

[boomeradvocate]

Metaphor is spot on. I am finally retired recently, but spent 35+ yrs on the hamster wheel in all departments of production. Divorced with 2 children in diapers, and no child support, or other support system. So, I knew it was all on me in every category. I was running 24/7 on that wheel for 20 yrs. Naturally, I always felt like I was falling short in every category. Yet, somehow the world didn't end. It was rough trying to be a good & present parent while simultaneously feeding the corporate monster saying do more...always do more. Well, somehow I did it. Even though I often felt like a failure, somehow my daughters grew up to well-rounded adults, and I was promoted at work a few times. However, I went to bed most every night feeling like a failure. Now, I can breathe, with only myself to satisfy. Ironically, I still feel like I'm falling short.

[twistoffate]

I think I just caught a break via your theory. If resources are money, and the money is not plentiful, and my projects are getting finished at a snail's pace, and I haven't completely broken down over it - then I'm doing better than I thought. My projects are extremely important to me because they are the ONLY thing I have control over, since I have no control over my family or friends, who all let me down after my parents died. We control only that which we are able, but if the last thing I can control has grinded to a halt, getting angry at myself is just not the solution.