The Single Greatest Predictor of Divorce is...

What is the single greatest predictor of divorce? The experts tell us, it's not simply THAT we get into conflict, it's all about HOW we handle conflict together and just as important, what was our relationship like before the conflict even started? Did we have Trust, and Intimacy, and Emotional connection? Did we have a culture of Mutual Respect and Honesty? Did we have a habit of turning towards each other and being vulnerable with each other? Or were we too afraid to do that because our partner had dismissed or invalidated us in the past? We're we able to take accountability and repair any unintentional hurt? Or did we never truly resolve those wounds? Do we tend to only think about ourselves? All of these contribute to whether our relationship succeeds or not.

Great resources Dr. Sue Johnson's book Hold me Tight
Dr. John and Julie Gottman's book Fight Right

#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

[bendelia]

Anyone else not married or even in a relationship and watching these videos to practice

[marthasimons]

Prior to my third marriage I asked my fiance if he thought it would be a good idea for both of us to go to therapy so we didn't bring old baggage into the marriage. He said, " I always wanted to go to therapy." That's when I knew our marriage would last. 35 years later, we still find there are new ways we love each other. We both know we would go to the ends of the earth for one another. 💓

[Satsusss]

When intimacy outside of sex dies the relationship is over.

[cherylannebarillartist]

Contempt can be nonverbal and even silent.

[sherryanderson-yp]

This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here

[FishareFriendsNotFood]

"Narcissists can fake a lot of things, but they don't fake accountability." 100%, this is great advice! If someone cannot take accountability early on, just walk away.

[pattygrant]

RESPECT is so important for relationships to continue. Once that is gone the relationship/marriage is over.

[angeldonnelly]

You have to mindfully choose each other every single day. People think that stops the minute they put the rings on.

[SuzanneLegendre]

This is utopia for me. After a 24 year marriage with a true narcissist, then a divorce, followed by a relationship with a man who ALWAYS walked away and gave me the silent treatment when I brought up feelings, it’s really hard to believe that I can meet a man that has empathy like you’re talking about

[lillipraisan]

I’m so glad you said this video advice is not going to work on a narcissist. He’s not interested in taking true accountability and repairing the deep hurt he’s caused.

I don’t feel safe, understood, much less heard, or cared for by this narcissist’s toxic, very stubbornly prideful, and extremely disrespectful way of relating. Had to walk away because what’s the point; it’ll be a doomed relationship to have anyways to be with someone with such a fragile ego.

He interprets everything as an attack and tears me down and berates me to no end with yelling, attacking me from my looks to everything and anything that’s not even based in reality just to hurt me, then the silent treatment, the works. Who interprets a girl asking innocently “hey, do you have anymore ketchup?” as the trigger to go full blast WWIII on me. This is one incident out of countless others. Wow, just putting these words down makes me embarrassed to admit publicly that I allowed him to treat me that way more than once. His triggers are many and I can’t be on the receiving end of his monstrosity anymore. I LOVE me more.

Thank you for your funny Facebook skits and videos like these.

[elisegray]

"The level of your resentment, irritation, anger, contempt, that you feel towards someone on a consistent basis is directly related to the level of boundary setting and internal work you are not doing"

[dk]

Respect, trust, honesty, integrity, accountability! All non-negotiables.

[Newtonwilson-ywkg]

Perfect marriages or relationships don't really exist; each one is special. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years back, my wife and I were close to getting divorced because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to make things right. It was hard, but we got through it.

[karenthompson]

For the last 8 years my hubby’s personal hygiene has tanked. He thinks showers more than once a week are unnecessary. When I complain he says I just don’t like the way a ‘real’ man smells. I feel this is hugely disrespectful.

[mariehughey]

I like holding hands. It’s simple and sweet. I feel connected and significant when we hold hands. Together 20 years. So far, so good.

[stephw]

Unfortunately why I'm getting a divorce. My husband isn't a bad person, he just views empathy as insincerity, refuses counseling in any form and sees conflict resolution as a gripe list. It still makes me very sad, but I won't live like that and end up with both of us bitter and angry.

[betsyveritas]

What's difficult, is that men are taught their whole lives how to hide from emotion & emoting & women are taught to go after it. We're raised to be polar opposites & then, expected to get along. It doesn't work- not even a little.

[jadegreen]

Let’s remember, when Jimmy says “go repair, go work on your relationship” he means with a partner who is NOT toxic. This needs to be assessed first when things break down.

A partner who is able to be honestly and genuinely accountable, consistently over a long term, makes all the difference between one who is toxic or one who might have potential.

[reneepoole]

My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years, and we have 5 kids together. I homeschool our kids as well as take care of the house, get the kids to sports and appointments, do the grocery shopping, etc. I have watched many of your videos, Jimmy, and I learn something new in each one, including this one. Thank you for doing these!

[GilMcGillivary]

My ex put me down too many times, denied intimacy, microcheated - I hung on for our adult kids, but realize now I need to do for myself.