One Way to Self-Motivate When You Have ADHD

As the saying goes we often are our own worst critic… how we talk to ourselves after a mistake can be rough which can really impact our motivation. But what if there was a different way to talk to ourselves? Well… there is and in this video I’m going to share it with you!

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[voiceojane]

My daughter (with ADHD) was a goalie. I used to tell her that even if both goalies were perfect for an entire game, there would be a tie, not a “win.” It would take somebody else on a team to change that outcome; it’s not just on the goalie. That applies to difficult families, toxic work environments, and lots of other situations, too. You do your best but you may not be able to change the outcome unless others are actively supporting the same goal (pun intended).

[tomschultz]

Coach A has been on a rant lately about my work habits - push through the pain and just keep working. Coach B, along with my family, has told me it's time to hang it up. I have severe arthritis in my hands, and now developing it in my hips. Wednesday, I finally listened to Coach B, and talked to a doctor. Today, I filed for short term disability to start the process.

[Olduri]

Being kind to yourself can be hard, but so super important.

[littledebbieangel]

This is great to see in motion for the newly diagnosed ADHD people and for ones who just need a daily reminder of self-talk is needed to be positive not negative

[JimPekarek]

It's good to remember we're shooting to be coach B, not the opposite of coach A. There's a lot of people who just try to make you feel better without actually helping you improve and get better, which is just as useless as coach A

[kenrickbautista]

This is exactly the video I really needed. Sometimes, the words and actions of others are like videos that get replayed endlessly, leading me to have anxiety and depression. Doesn't really get better overnight. I really wish I wasn't so hard on myself, but... it's not that simple.

[mehlover]

This couldn't have come at a better time considering how bad my perfectionism and negative voices are getting at me today. I used to have coach B, but it slowly faded away, and coach A replaced it. This is a good reminder to be kinder to myself. Also, I can hear coach B coming back. They're far away, but I can finally hear them for the first time in over 6 months. I still have lots to work on myself, but having a kind coach B helps me with trying again rather than coach A's berating.

[USER_SVNT]

i have an intense fear of making mistakes, usually people are fine or just make fun of it but i dread mistakes cause mom wasn’t ready to deal with adhd so every time i made a mistake i was scolded it was remembered and it was brought up to prove i couldn’t be trusted and i think this is why new things take a long time for me cause half the battle is trying to trust myself and or trying to set things up to be perfect the first time. took long enough to drive on my own for example.

[kats]

2:00 I didn't expect that to hit me so hard and now I'm in tears at work. Damn.

[HowtoADHD]

We can be tough on ourselves... but that doesn't have to be the case.... what are some things YOUR coach A says? And what would Coach B say instead? :)

[LuC-k]

Wish my mother wasn’t coach A when I was growing up. Thankfully I found my coach B in my academic success class in high school the mother figure that I really needed

[simonmcglary]

Even when doing something well and being praised for it, I’m telling myself I should be doing better. If I don’t do as well as I know I could, based on a past performance, despite all other performances being more than adequate, I see myself as worthless. I describe it as gold standard is 98, satisfactory is 95, even if I’m regularly hitting 100, I hit 150 once so I must do it all the time!

[celathewhitewolf]

Really needed that right now, so thanks for uploading that video

[blankets]

Hello, Jessica. I came across your "How to ADHD" book in my local library. The book's title on the cover being highlighted was a blessing. I decided to check it out and I enjoyed your chapter about motivation. The chapter was easy to read and adding in other people's experience with ADHD in the middle of chapters was very comforting. I plan to buy the book in the future so that I have my own personal "ADHD Handbook" and toolkit at home. 😊

[HydrogenTwoO]

Coach B has come up a lot when I've returned to school, esp. in classes that are not "my brain" friendly. Like, "why didn't you just do some of this assignment earlier this week?" "why can't you just remember the detail of this (extremely boring) problem?" "if you just went over notes more often, this wouldn't be such a bad grade..." when in reality, I am just struggling with the design of the class...

[jimmz]

this video and the last video are sleep are the 2 videos i really needed becuase they are the 2 things i strugle with the most

[michaelwinter]

Can’t change the past. Can fix it for next time.

[AcePlaysTCGs]

I've been out of work for a few months now and I've not had the best practices for trying to find a new job. Some plans came up and now we're into the holidays and my sleep got messed up so I've lost a lot of time. Just when i really started to beat myself up over it, i started thinking "the first step is to make sure you have time in the day to actually apply for jobs or even figure out which ones to apply for." I've gotten a little better at finding Coach B's words even as Coach A's disappointment hits me first.

I have faith that the type of job i want exists even if i have to work a little harder and get specific to find it, but as long as I make sure I'm giving myself the time to think about it, that's the best first step i can take. I stay terrified of first steps - like my years long "want to do YouTube" thing that hasn't really started yet. Feeling like certain things have to come before other things only being able to handle so much at one time really sucks, but i also have to be realistic about what i can handle and what I'm capable of.

Videos like this and reading your book has really helped me figure out how to set realistic expectations. No need to push myself too hard if the steps need broken down even more than they already have been.

[toddellner]

I needed this forty years ago. I need it today.

[rachellemazar]

Hi Jessica, I’ve been kicking myself for something I did and this video really helped me redirect my thoughts to a positive place. Coach B would tell me “kicking yourself isn’t part of the game”