Why You Cling The Most to People Who Treat You The Worst

🔴 *LIVE Webinar Nov 12 LASHING OUT: Healing Emotion Dysregulation in Relationships*

***
Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships.

***

🟢 *Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?*
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.

🟢 *Become a Member!*
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community

🟢 Take My Online course: *Healing Childhood PTSD*

🟢 *Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns*
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD

🟢 *Learn to Heal Dysregulation*
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp

🟢 *Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships*
Online course: Connection Bootcamp

🟢 *Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna*

🟢 *PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS*
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)

🔹 *Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:*

🔹 *NEED ONLINE THERAPY?* BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:

[robertapascal]

You are the best! You are the friend I need! I have finally accepted my limerence infatuation with a married coworker. He is married but my brain will question if it is true. Bloody hell the trickery is draining.

I am finally taking ownership of my life. I am enrolling in some community classes and looking forward to making some female friends. Life is limitless and I am done living within the limits I created to stay safe.

[DottyChesnut]

It's sad, but we get very used to being treated with disregard, to the point that it feels normal. Best wishes to Layla!

[nightseertarot]

Wanting everyone to like us is a fear response but it doesnt make us safer.

[hildaburken]

I’m learning to stand up for myself but it makes me furious when there are instances where I fail.

[Liz-wzdh]

That woman in the first letter has been so mistreated her entire life. It's sad.

[rgwhiteywins]

I did that in my 20s- 30. After that I reverted to trying to make my parents love ME. Almost begging them to see me how I am, but they refused. I finally gave up . 😢

[turner]

May God bless and heal all the women that have been used, abused, stolen from and taken advantage of by others. May He restore to them all the good things that they lost and provide them with the love, comfort, healing, peace, safety, and security that they need.
God bless you, Ms. Anna. You are such a gift to all those that are suffering/have suffered at the hands of evil, selfish, inconsiderate people. Thank you so much!

[joannahediger]

‘Obedience’ is defined as ‘compliance or submission to another’s authority’. Consider the kind of spouse who will insist that you submit to their authority. Not someone who loves or values you.

[david]

I had a critical mother but even if I did what she wanted there was still no affection. I have been in relationships where I was treated badly verbally and I now realise that I'm beginning to understand what abandoning myself is. I go over and over in my head things I've said and try to change for the person. I don't know who I am.

[alaia-awakened]

I’m going through shifting this right now. It’s intense, shifting the very foundations your childhood was based on.

[mavicityrelayson]

I always abandon my needs over anyone’s demands. I’m so tired.

[TarotEnchanted]

This video resonates with me on such a deep level. When it’s severe CPTSD, you really believe their lie is your reality and by questioning them, you’re crazy.

[Liz-wzdh]

I had this problem last year with two relationships I could see were very flawed but I had really gotten to a place where so many people around me had serious issues that it had just started to seem normal at that point. I really started to believe that I was asking for too much in trying to find mature, emotionally balanced, responsible adults to hang out with and date so I lowered my standards. I also got called stuck up a lot for simply being in a better place in a lot of ways than the people I was around the most. This year I've just decided that if I cannot find what I need then it's better to go solo. I just do not need the stress from trying to make unacceptable people acceptable.

[parklady]

26 years down the drain for me. My husband is a narcissist and my mom too. I was blamed and shamed for everything wrong with the relationship.

[marierose]

You can't often see the reality of the picture when you are in it. Different cultures indoctrinate us, so deeply, that many assumptions are unconscious. My culture, I observed through experience and books, movies, had accepted readily, that women could be physically abused, and it was socially accepted. Just like the series/ books, " My Brilliant Friend", the new wife came back from her honeymoon with a black eye. People, parents accepted this as life. Same thing happened to my eldest sister. Rejecting parts of cultural norms that exist, is a brave journey. If this is the case, and it may not be... I am surmising, finding your own personal boundaries, will be a life long journey. Draw a strict line in the sand for your most precious value.... your own self respect.

[cynthiajohnson]

I went to bed last night thinking about this video and this woman, and that Jewel song 'Stronger Woman' started playing in my head. Here are the lyrics for anyone not familiar with the song. It always bucks me up when I hear it.

I guess you could say
I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now
He sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying
Warn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
Just till he's horny or hungry or needs something clean
You know what I mean
But not tonight
Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
Never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman in me
Light bulbs buzz I get up
And head to my drawer
Wish there was more
I could say
Another fairy tale fades to Grey
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings
Well tonight I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
Won't lose myself again
Never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, a stronger woman
This is me packing up my bags
This is me headed for the door
This is me the best you ever had
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
Never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman
There's a stronger woman in me
Yeah

[artisticagi]

13:32 they’d love me if I changed and was not me
14:43 I know if I just change this
17:10 never being praised

[bestclips]

My first time cutting ties in the first half of realization and I'm so proud of my growth almost 2 months into a relationship and I noticed he'd been feeding me lies... His mask slipped and after all the oversharing I did in hope for a better future feels to have been wasted but I am aware it's not it's a sign to tighten up those boundaries in the future and focus on self and my personal goals... Forget closure.

[Jessicahurst]

Sending you strength Leila. From someone who understands. One step in front of the other. You are worth it, lovable and anyone who says otherwise has no place in your landscape ❤

[shawnrisley]

So many people want a "whipping boy". They are frickin' nuts. My ex-husband, early in our marriage, fixed his gaze on me and said, "I am your God-husband." I laughed in his face. For quite a while. Maybe it was what oafish men from his culture were trained to say to their wives. He appeared to adapt to a more Westernized model. But reverted as he got older. Who even knows. Doesn't matter. I'm glad we divorced, . I don't like my own, shallow-emotioned culture in the US. But I'm so glad I base my life on what suits me, now.