Get Promoted as a Software Eng (million lines of code hack) 👩‍💻✨

How to get promoted as a software engineer / programmer by writing a million lines of code in one file (dangerously easy)

#tech #coding #softwareengineer #satire

[ProjectileGrommet]

The type of satire that tech bros think is incredible advice is the best satire

[Pokemoki]

This is in that uncanny valley between insane and genius. I literally can't determine if it's good advice or not.

[tbs_Incorporated]

This is what we call 'mortgage-driven development'

[PensiveElephant]

You forgot about the last stage. Get a promotion internally that leads you to other projects, that way the company keeps your expert status and you dump your huge file on a new joiner and you dont have to work with it anymore. Then you start another million line file. Its really a cycle.

[paulcasanova]

Step 1: Gaslight
Step 2: Gatekeep
Step 3: Girlboss

[drewzero]

Why do I feel like everyone in this position before me used this strategy? 🤔

[philippprelicz]

All the junior devs: that's great advice.

All the senior devs: that's satire, right ... right?!

[patrickfischer]

My IT teacher (network admin) used to say that the best thing you can do stability wise is to make the system you set up needlessly complex.
If they dare to fire you, they're gonna have to start from scratch or rehire you for more.

[thespice]

and don't forget, git doesn't distinguish between whitespace changes and code changes. Boost those stats by running the linter on generated code and third party libraries! Future colleagues will diff your optimized version against the source and say "wow, why didn't I think of that!? Such a massive changeset!"

[gerrits_machinations]

protip if your company uses character count as a metric for productivity you can both become known as "the one who writes easy to understand code" and be seen as super productive by just writing way tf too detailed of notes in all your code explaining every single line. I do this in my code and have a code:notes character ratio of 1:4 and it gloriously breaks the productivity system and the people using my code can debug the stuff they break themselves because literally everything they will ever need is written so I never get contacted asking for help and I put out an unheard of amount of "code" per day because as I learned in English 101 using way too much detail to hit a word limit is quite fast and easy to do

[richardfarrer]

I went about this all the wrong way. I inherited a million lines of code and had to try to understand it well enough to persuade everyone I was invaluable. 20+ years in and most of the other people who knew anything about it have left so it looks like my strategy is working.

On the other hand, I can now never leave since I'm being paid for my specialised domain knowledge and couldn't hope to do as well elsewhere.

[BadSpock]

Power move. Pull request is a polite euphemism. This is a push and it is happening.

[SaltyPuglord]

"Show me the incentives, and I'll tell you the outcomes." -paraphrased only very slightly from the Charlie Munger original

[pixelfairy]

I keep sending your videos to my co workers! They're so helpful at ensuring my own job security

[MyldFrnd]

I started learning programming because I wanted to not worry so much about the human element

but even in tech, it's trickery and politics.

Reading all the stories and seeing videos like this, even if satirical, has really shattered my views about the field. I don't know if I want to do this anymore.

[rasnauf]

Companies don't do enough to filter out people who do this unironically. It's a really big deal.

[huuhhhhhhh]

This is the sort of humour you get after a really bad day at the office.

[DerTaran]

Wrong, this is how it works:

- First, you need to survive the first months
- Then you need to volunteer and take all none-coding but administriere task you can get from your manager
- At the end you have to prove, that you are not as good as everybody else in coding

Result, you are perfect to manage the good programmers and you will get a promotion.

[moravianlion]

"Ok, I give up. You're hired!"

[legelf]

title should be "speedrun to get fired as a software engineer"