The Double Standard of Christian Testimonies

In this episode I discuss how our once Christian testimonies become weaponized against us when we leave the church, and how to gain a fresh perspective on life after leaving, even when everyone in the church wants to disregard your story.

*Please keep in mind that all everything I say here is my subjective opinion, and is intended to deconstruct fundamentalist/evangelical/conservative Christian ideologies from an ex christian perspective*

Outro Music | "Pixels" by Jeff Kaale

tags | Ex christian, deconstructing christianity, exvangelical, former fundie, leaving christianity, gospels, jesus, bible, god, christian, evangelism, apologist, atheist vs christian, agnostic, recovering from religion

[alnmcintyre]

"You dig so deep and read so much; don't ever stop!
.
Wait...no....not like *THAT*!"

[judethree]

“They never really loved you for who you are. They loved a construct of you…that represents everything they believe and stand for.” 💥

[Nickelini]

My experience when I was in Christian cultrue was they were quick to be offended, but had no problem offending others

[JenniferElizabeth]

I started sobbing when you talked about how quick people you once thought loved you turned on you. My boyfriend thought I was upset, but I told him that I'm relieved because I'm not alone. Someone else knows what I went through and experienced it. Thank you so much. This video is healing.

[TheBarelyBearableAtheist]

Back when I was a Christian, I once had a discussion with a church elder about some of the questions I was asking about the meaning of the Bible, and he warned me, "Everybody I've ever known who has kept asking questions like that has ended up an atheist!" I was shocked. Christianity, as I understood it, was supposed to be an endless search for the truth, and he'd basically just told me that searching for truth leads to atheism. And as it turned out many years later, he was right.

[amysho]

I was always said to be "the sweet one" in my family. And so "compassionate". But once I started giving $ to non-Christian organizations that give a higher percentage to the poor...well that didn't count anymore. I wasn't compassionate anymore, I was lost.
I take more action to live in ways that help humanity...but now I am "not Christ-like." Because I'm not spending every Sunday in church.
I live my life for my child and teach her morals and empathy. But I'm not raising my daughter to be "Christ-like" because she doesn't go to children's church. You can imagine the shock I get when these things are said to me by my own family. Or people on their church staff.
I was giving hundreds of dollars to a family in Africa each payday I work with special needs people...then I go to my dad's funeral and the pastor says, "Hi Amy. I have heard so much about you. Your mom has told me how you used to be so compassionate."
😐

[mjjoe]

My guess is those letter-writers would not believe it if you told them that the decision to “dig so deep and read so much” ultimately led you to atheism.

[randytenawisner]

Thank you Kristi. I lost my wife Jan 2023 and the Church latched on to me in a vulnerable state. They did get me out of my depression. But then I started to see the truth about the church. I have had to get restraining orders against 14 people from the church. I was baptised in the southern baptist faith. I live in a small town (1426 people). I believe that I must move, as if I am being chased out of town. I'm in New Mexico.

[MoneySavingVideos]

I get along with my 3 Christian siblings. We just don't talk about my atheism. When I visit, I stay home Sunday mornings when they go off to church. Facts, not faith, fear, fanaticism, fiction, or fantasy. The longer I have been away from religion the more bizarre I realize it was: hell, heaven, angels, soul, prophesy, demons, devils, walking on water, prayer, parting the sea, holy ghost, etc.

[peterbrooks]

So true! I had the same experience. People thought I was smart & loved how I thought when I was trying to help them get closer to God. Now when I try to get them to think critically, I’m crazy, I’m going through something or I’ve “always been a little strange.”

[randomoldlady_]

I am so glad to hear you speaking with such self confidence - I am 69 and started my own deconstruction of catholicism just about the time I met your work on line. I have been impressed with you for the very reasons you mention - you are so smart and SO well versed in "christianity" ! totally see that you are actually so much more dignified and compassionate and rational and logical than these people who are really working so hard not to hear anything that will challenge them. GOOD WORK! You rock and will always have my support from this distance. Thank you much for daring to do this. You have helped me and I am sure so many others in this online community feel the same. Love love love

[pamigreenway]

Boy, I got lucky. I was one of those kids. When I finally realized I couldn't buy the story any longer, my church's attitude was more or less "you're still part of our family and you're still welcome here because we love you." I realize how rare that is and I'm so sorry you had such a rotten experience. Congratulations on continuing in you own authenticity!

[amberpippin]

This video really resonated with me. I was outed as an atheist to my family against my will right before Christmas 2023. Someone somehow connected my "anonymous" Twitter account to me and sent a screen shot of my bio, which says I'm an ex-vangelical atheist, to my entire family. I had been slowly deconstructing for YEARS (also hadn't gone to church in many years) but it went into overdrive during the pandemic. I listened to SO MANY audio books and watched so many videos about the origins of the Bible, archeology, evolution, cosmology, stories of other former believers and their deconstruction journey, etc. It honestly didn't take me long after starting the pandemic journey to fully let go of any faith I had remaining. I honestly didn't feel much anxiety over letting it go. It was a relief. BUT, I wasn't ready to tell my family because I knew how they would react. I was going to tell one of my sisters, who's alway been a confidante, because I knew if anyone would understand, it would probably be her. But I wanted to tell her in person ( we live in separate states). That choice was taken from me. But my sister DID react as understanding as I thought she might, so that helped immensely as I was having a bit of a breakdown from the fallout. 

So far, at least I've had no family members cut me off. But I've had the "I'm praying for you because I don't want you to go to hell" letters, along with pages of devotionals. But the thing that really got me was the letter I received from my other sister. I first said the "sinner's prayer" when I was 7. I was also raised in the SBC, so there was a lot of hellfire and brimstone. I was so paranoid as a child that my being saved didn't take, I'd say the sinner's prayer practically every night. Because what if I'd said it wrong before? What if God hadn't heard me? I said that darn prayer more times than I could possibly count. After going through some really rough times in my early 20s, I rededicated myself to my faith more than ever. I read every Christian book I could find, I listened to sermons or Christian music any chance I got, I went to church religiously (hah, pun intended), I went to Bible studies, I read my Bible every day and journaled so I could determine what God was saying to me. I was seen as a leader by some of my friends, was asked advice, was asked to lead Bible studies, etc. So when my oldest sister started off her letter to me by saying, "I firmly believe you were never actually saved", that really, really hurt. Part of me knew I'd probably hear that from someone, but it still didn't change the pain of someone who supposedly loves me saying that to me. The dehumanization, the dismissiveness of that statement is a betrayal. I never responded to her long-winded letter, nor do I plan to. But I also won't forget it.

Thank you for your videos and for showing people who are also deconstructing or still dealing with the ramifications of deconstructing. They're so helpful! And your empathetic, straight-forward way of addressing issues is greatly appreciated!

[aliasfakename]

Christian testimonies are always so sensational. "I was a Satanist WITCH until I discovered Jesus and recanted." It reminds me of those National Enquirer headlines.

[KevvaPMcK]

You were just as genuine in your belief then as a Christian as you are now, Kristy. Because you went along with what you thought was true based on the evidence presented to you, just as you are an Atheist now based on all the research and critical thinking you have done. I'm glad you're here to support the rest of us who are trying to deconstruct like you've done 👍

[Already.Forgotten]

Really goes to show how people praise you for faith but reject you for leaving. It shows how beliefs are flimsy and approval from others is pointless. In the end, it’s all meaningless.

[Lucifersphoton]

The gaslighted way they treat us, shows how dark their light truly is.

[percenthealth]

Man, so many of your story beats match my own! I didn't receive letters, but my parents made us read the Bible daily, for 20 years. My knowledge of the Bible was encyclopedic, and many of my Christian friends were in awe that any time someone said, "isn't there a verse that says...", I was able to give them the book and chapter, context, quote it word for word, etc.

I also was terrified of going to hell. I also prayed myself to sleep some nights begging God for assurance that I was saved, and yet I never felt the assurance I craved. I remember feeling envious of Christians around me that seemed so confident in their "walk" that they had no need to question; but at the same time part of me believed that getting so comfortable was the surest way to get complacent and start backsliding. Self inflicted mental trauma! X(

I'm just so glad to be free! Keep being awesome!

[PatrickWDunne]

Kristi comes back after 6 months just to drop a barrage of amazing videos

[Shawmark]

Dear Kristi (and this community), I love your channel and the breadth and depth of your thoughts in your conversations with us. Thank you. My journey has been different than yours and, I imagine, some of this community here and I wanted to share it because your channel has meant a lot to me from my perspective.

My religious upbringing was casual, suburban presbyterian with my dad's side possessing a long line of believers including ministers and then, later a born-again faction. Though my immediate family was only casually religious, they did put us in Sunday school as some points while they listened to the sermons. They then continued to make us all go to church every Sunday, though, again, in our home we didn't even say grace before dinner (except big holiday dinners) or prayers or anything like that. Just once a week, obligatory church including a sermon and the occasional communion with grape juice and someone's homemade bread which we tore pieces off of! Very mild religious mandates for us. The thing is, when I was a little girl in Sunday school, they told us the story of Noah's Ark (naturally) and THEN told us it REALLY HAPPENED - a LONG TIME AGO! At first, I thought they were just trying to lend extra drama to their fairy tale (for surely this was just another fairly tale like so many I'd heard as a kid). But then, I saw they were seriously trying to tell us kids that this, admittedly super-exciting, story was TRUE: Historical, factual, actual! I became afraid. These were supposed to be trust-worthy people (aka adults). I remember thinking, " Do our parents know they are telling us this story and telling us it's REAL and we are to BELIEVE that two-by-two ALL the animals went on a boat and God gave a guy some measurements and then killed everyone on earth? I mean, that's DARK and does NOT sound real at all!" I was a child of about 5. I became, at that point, a bit afraid of "religious people" and anything that came out of the Bible. I was wary of a neighborhood girl up the road who I knew was in a pretty religious family, but I loved her and she was one of my best friends! I was always just a little afraid that she would try to tell me religious stories or ask me anything about religion (like that mysterious question "Do you accept Jesus as your savior?") or try to make me religious. She didn't.

I didn't know what an atheist was or an agnostic at the time, of course, I just knew my family and the community of people around me mostly had these secret thoughts that somewhere back in time a snake really spoke, people heard god all the time testing them and telling them to do things and constantly being disappointed with people in general! I always thought, "Why can't religion just leave it at the Golden Rule and move on? Why all the stories featuring men in sandals and women in second place and all that anger and revenge and converting cultures to their religion when they already had a perfectly good one, (we had just been learning about Indigenous American Indians in school and about their culture of worshipping eagles and the land, etc... and how white people made them Christians and cowboys took everything over." (I was about 8 yo)

As I got older, my older boy cousins - who I'd always looked up to and thought were SO COOL and NICE and tall - suddenly became born-again and then our relationship crumbled. It was terrible for me as a young teen having my cousin suddenly lecture me about the proper order of things (God, men, women, animals - in case you were wondering) and having him never relent on inserting his beliefs on everyone as he decided he would become the next family patriarch - at the head of every table, leading prayers, etc... and drove the less religious of us away because he became insufferable with his judgment, attempts at conversion and complete unwillingness to NOT look down in a very knowing, pitying - yet still holding out hope for your salvation - kind of way. You know: patronizing as heck! EVERYTHING became about god and the Bible and that was that. My cousins never bothered to repair any familial relationships that they burned down with their non-tolerance of non-believers. (I have to give a major nod to my cousin's wife, however, who has ALWAYS conducted herself with respect, kindness and compassion and has continually made efforts to be a loving family member without ever making anyone in our family feel judged or rejected. She is the exception. And she is exceptional!)

My mom would explain Bible stories to me as metaphors for larger concepts. I GOT that! Especially in the New Testament, you can see themes of love and compassion yay! That made sense. So why, then, did they persist in the "it's all TRUE" narrative? To me it seemed like the Santa story (be good: get reward, be bad: get coal, I'm always watching and I'm a bit magical). The persistent belief by adults just never made sense. I understood the community aspect of church. I understood the pretty sound of all the people singing together (even though the words were - in my opinion - insane! Lots of soldiers and fervent love for this god who CRAVES praise and admiration, etc..) I understood the stained glass (pretty). I even memorized every single, last word of Jesus Christ, Superstar! and loved the dramatic story! But in the back of my mind was always the thought, "How are people literally still believing this stuff so literally? Why don't they just admit it's a bunch of metaphors?! Why don't they think that some of these stories in here are, frankly, hella outdated!!!! I mean: they're stoning people and turning people to pillars of salt and stuff? wtf?!" I went on to take some comparative religion classes in college and have continued my lifelong journey, as most humans do, to pursue spiritual meaning and depth of understanding and compassion of the human creature and our fascinating sociology. I have always identified as an atheist - before I even knew the word or understood the concept. I never identified as a Christian and knew that Christians had good things about them but, by and large, they REALLY think they've got the answer and that is super annoying for those of us who REALLY think they don't. When Joseph Campbell's "The Power of Myth" came out, I soaked that up and become much more comfortable in my understanding of the needs of humanity and the themes in the mythologies that human cultures have shared since human cultures began.

So Kristi, what you bring to ME is a kind of permission and validation that I'm not somehow a weirdo for it never clicking for me the way it did for others. I have heard and read many stories about folks leaving behind DEEPLY HELD religious beliefs and DEEPLY CHERISHED religious community and security and I have always been moved by that kind of courage and ability to put personal clarity above cultural pressure, without sacrificing identity, truth, spirituality, morals, kindness, etc! You "truth warriors" build new, more reliable, community. You GAIN. And you GIVE! I am grateful for your channel because, as a lifelong atheist, this is how I've lived my life in a world that often feels very unwelcoming to atheists - or even other religious believers who believe in different religious things! (In God We Trust on our money? Really?) I feel like you and your community here are welcoming and loving and help me heal, too. Thank you again.