My Mom’s CJD Diagnosis

GABE'S TIKTOK: dabygunn

JBU TIKTOK: justbetweenuspod

[alicewood]

'Other people get to have their moms for longer, but they don't get to have MY mom.' That's a beautiful way of phrasing it and feeling about it. Lots of love to you and your mom and all your family xxx

[annemorph]

I lost my Dad to CJD in 2022. We laughed SO much together during the last weeks. He became really goofy and we met him there. There were a few moments of clarity, which were extremely painful for all of us, but overall we could keep him really happy. He also loved music more than ever. Wishing you all so much peace and love through this process.

[eos]

Sometimes I go back and listen to the podcast with your momma bc my parents didn’t really show up for me during my mental illness as a kid. It’s nice to hear a mom validate and believe and care for their kid like that… and her healing you has come through with you healing us all these years. I met your mom in person once in nyc and she seems like a really bright and warm person. Life’s really hard sometimes but I hope it’s comforting to know she had a massive net positive on the world being herself and through her kids. ❤❤❤

[culturequeens]

My favourite moment of Ruth Raskin is when you asked her on a podcast episode if she was ever upset at the diagnosis when you were a child or annoyed that she had to deal with it and she answered like the thought never even occurred to her. It made me cry, hearing a parent just simply accept the child they have so whole-heartedly was something I never knew was possible and it made me realize it was never really my fault my parents didn't like me/like dealing with me.
Now hearing you accept her diagnosis with the same kind of acceptance and compassion is heart-warming.

[julia.carino]

Hi Alison, I lost my dad died 4 years ago of COVID when I was 20 years old. About a week after he died, someone told me that grief never gets smaller, your life just grows so big and full that it feels smaller. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and likely will ever do. It’s going to be so difficult, but you’ll always have her with you.

[kitbamkit]

I've never left a comment in my ten years of watching youtube but this video made me cry so much that I felt obliged to. I have been watching your videos since I was a young teenager and I'm now in my early twenties. Yours and Gabe's honest discussion of your mental health and personal lives gave me so much hope as someone suffering from mental illness that there was a future for me even if it was going to be hard. You are truly an inspiration to me personally and I hope you know that even when your mum is gone you will still carry so much of her with you to share with the world. The videos with your mum are some of my favorites on the channel and her evident strength, compassion and wit shine so clearly through you. Thank you for sharing this with us your vulnerability and openness is something I continually try and implement into my own life. Sending so much love to you and your family, and so much admiration for you and your mum.

[TheKelliestKelly]

When you were on tour for your book, "Overthinking About You" I briefly met your mother. It was a crowded bookstore and I had taken one of the last available seats. Since my arrival, the store workers were actually bringing out more chairs to accommodate the crowd. This was May 2022 and everyone I remember seeing in that bookstore was masking against covid (an aside: I appreciate so much that you're still masking and getting the new vaccines and sharing about it online). A tall woman with a brown bob entered the crowd near me and surveyed the audience, obviously looking for a spot to sit. As I rember, she wore a mostly black outfit and a black mask, KN95 or N95, I think. She seemed Mom-aged to me, which is to say she seemed to be in or near my mother's age group. Mom-age gets older to me every year.

She also looked incredibly familiar. I had a strong inkling this was your mother but couldn't see most of her face. It also felt incredibly weird and impossible that I might in proximity of the mother of one of my role models so I doubted myself. This not-quite-mystery woman eventually settled on an open spot of the floor next me, my spot being an aisle seat. I silently struggled with the propriety of asking her whether she was your mother. I also felt incredibly audacious having a chair at a book discussion for her probable daughter when she did not - especially given that I was clearly much younger than her.

Eventually, I finally and awkwardly offered this woman my seat. She refused politely. I asked if I was she was sure - not making her privvy to my thought process nor my feelings of audacity - and she was. She seemed quite nice but I could not bring myself to try and start an actual conversation with her.

I ran to an Instagram post you had about the Chicago event to write about probably-sitting-next to your mother. When you started the event, I finally got my confirmation that yes, this was The Ruth Raskin. Part of your opener was acknowledgement of her sitting on the floor and a quip the suffering Jewish mother. After the show, during book signings and fan pictures, Ruth took a picture of you with the copy of Bad With Money I'd had you sign so you could show Gabe.

Later, I was surprised when Ruth replied to the comment I had left. She felt bad taking my chair. I was amused because I had felt bad keeping it. It was such a simple interaction but I felt grateful for it and was very chuffed it had happened.

I haven't had the pleasure to meet Ruth since but I've greatly been enjoying her art and her stories that you've been sharing, Allison

[TheNinjaPOW]

The video you made with your parents in the park interviewing people was so fantastic. Your mum's silliness was so charming

[dsalazarm]

I REMEMBER meeting your mom (and dad) as they (and i) were entering The Strand for a book event u had in nyc--- and she was so KIND nad LOVELY and polite in the most heartwarming way. she held the door open for me and we shared the elevator up. i remember thinking she looked SO MUCH like you- i was so surprised i recognized them as your parents but it was immediately apparent also because they were bragging about coming to their daughters event and having an escort to take them up tot he reading room. ❤❤

[luciavcs]

Your mom must be so relieved having raised such a wonderful, resilient and kind woman. I think watching you being able to care for her while trying to process and redirect your own life must be comforting for her. Even if you waver, even if sometimes you feel uncertain or hopeless, you're ultimately pushing through. She can feel safe leaving because she knows you and your family got this. I can't admire you enough. Thank you for sharing, somehow I feel a little stronger and confident that I will be able to do the same for my own mom when the time comes. <3

[TheOmegaSupereme]

Your mom is part of the channel too. Thanks for sharing.

[kfyffe]

I just had my son last year. As I was entering parenthood I kept thinking back on your podcast interview with your mother. It’s been a while and I’m paraphrasing, but the spirit of what she said has stuck with me since I first listened.

You asked Ruth if she ever had to grieve for the life she thought you might have before your OCD diagnosis. She responded that she never pretended to know what life would bring, and so never had expectations for her children in that way. She showed up in parenthood for exactly the kids she had, for who they were and how they needed her. Something about her response struck me as such a beautiful way to be present for your children, and to be the best parent you could be.

I hope you can find some peace in knowing your mom will live on, not just in your family but in the strangers she inspired.

[savannah]

I am so sorry, Alison. I’m sending you all the support I can give ❤ CJD is truly an awful disease that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m hoping you and your mom get to cherish the time you have left together

[laineyoung]

Allison, thank you for honoring us with your mom. I've learned from her how I want to show up for my kids. She really is so beloved.

[ashyuka]

Your strength is undeniable. You’ve consistently kicked ass in the face of adversity while keeping your compassion & wit. Know and celebrate your growth and find solace in it as you face this difficult journey. We love you!!!!

[stephenie]

I haven’t seen EVERYTHING ya’ll have ever made, so no specific episode with your mom comes to mind, but you have always brought her up a lot and I feel like I know her vicariously just from that. She sounds like she has a beautiful soul and I’m so glad you’ve gotten to have such a close relationship with a parent that is so like you. I feel like I’m an even split of both of my parents and I really value that connection to someone with a brain that works like mine.

Grasp at those silver lining straws. They really do help. Our brain’s natural dissociation or detachment or whatever tendencies during times like these are there for a reason. Your brain is doing what it’s supposed to.

I wish you all the best. Whatever the fuck that means in this context. Our hearts are with you and your family.

[Paileen]

Just hearing about her through you, your mom is a beautiful person and a light to her tribe. Sending you and your family much love. Thank you for sharing the tough things.

[cathobeckers]

This has me balling my eyes out. The way you talk about your mom is beautiful, I'm so sorry for your loss. At a lost for words really, but sending you all my love 🖤

[nieqvist]

I’m 28, and since both my parents got retired recently, I began worrying about not being able to financially support them (which is actually absurd as they’re doing just fine and haven’t asked or even hinted at it like ever) and having more and more limited time to spend with them while they’re alive. So your words about grieving and that there’s plenty of time for it later really spoke to me. I’m sending you and your family, especially your Mom, endless love and support. Thank you for sharing your story, Allison. Take care!

[sampriceandeverythingnice]

Allison, I hope you recognize how strong you’ve become over the years to be able to handle this, have such perspective, and be present with your mom during this time. You should be so proud of the work you’ve done to get to this point. This is what we do the work for, so we can show up fully in our lives with those we love. Sending you and your family so much love and support, now and always. I’ll always be a card carrying member of the Ruth Raskin Fan Club 💜