Stop Pretending You Don’t Need Love

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When people want a “just-sex” relationship, they can hardly resist the lure of traumatized people who will pour out pure gold from their heart and yet suffer in silence that their “friend with benefits” never returns their love. Neglect in childhood does that to people – makes you feel ashamed that you want and need something more than a fling – it scares you into thinking that you better just settle for whatever you can get. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who (sadly) is throwing away years of her life, longing and suffering and blocking any chance that real love can find her.

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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[turquoisetoile-universalethics]

"a woman's love is a precious thing" . This made me feel less foolish *to* love. Thanks.

[faith-owj]

"Everything bad I've ever done I've done because I was lonely" amen isn't that the truth?

[VeganismIsDeath-czmn]

Better off alone than being tangled up in drama.

[buddyneher]

11:01 "Lots of people will be attracted to you. What matters is who you choose." - a new wall plaque addition!

[auntiemame]

I am always baffled by women who are amazed when men who say they don’t want commitment actually don’t want commitment. So I appreciate that you pointed out how her childhood trained her to be stuck in this pattern. Helps me understand why women make such self-destructive choices seemingly unnecessarily. As Maya Angelou said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

[joelbedulla]

A romantic shoplifter - a person who takes, takes and takes

[elizabethoneill]

I wasted my life loving a guy who used me for 16 years. He "finally found someone better!" (quote). I had a compulsion to try to win him over, just like I tried with Mom. He withheld love & affection in the same way that my Mother did. To me, love was abuse. God took him out of my life. I've been alone since but I do want a best friend & partner. Life's wonders are best shared & I hope to get out & meet someone before it's too late. It took a lot of work to heal my heart, now I hope to share it.

[janeyrevanescence]

For several years, I was led to believe that my standards were too high. I wanted a kind and caring man who wanted kids as much as I do and treated me and our future kids well. And I'd watch left and right as my friends would hook up and I'd get left behind and wonder what was wrong with me.

It wasn't until my (now late) fiancé and I were talking about what we wanted and I shyly mentioned what I was looking for, telling him that they might be too high. I was waiting for him to say "Well that's stupid" but instead he said "...your standards aren't too high. If anything that's the baseline."

[ceeceequeen]

“A woman’s love is such a special thing in this world” got me to my core. My love was always taken for granted or even unwanted my entire life, but I need to be telling myself this more than anything else. I love so deeply and so wholly and yet I’m attracted to the kind of person that won’t value my affection the way it should be. It’s so hard to overcome trauma and accept the love that I deserve.

[yveqeshy]

I literally had this conversation with my therapist the last session when I told her that finally I have arrived at the point in my healing journey when I can see that my hyper independence was a trauma response that was shielding me from receiving enjoying love, attention and affection both romantic and in friendships, it was also keeping me from being seen because i was too afraid of my imperfections coming to light and by extension causing me to keep playing small in my life

[mogulmade]

She definitely wasn't the only one he was doing this to. These shoplifters recognize the folks they can take advantage of.

[ionageman]

Isn’t it interesting, when we get a word to describe our pain “ limerance “ starts the process of letting go . When I think of all the years I wanted to be loved .. and now I just want peace .

[RealnowFP]

Amaya’s story was mine verbatim.
For now I remain single, concentrate on my career. I keep moving forward until I feel healed enough to ever entertain a new relationship.

[limitlesky]

Self righteousness is one of the worst traits. A person who lacks desire to introspect. A lot of people all over the world do criminal acts believing they are the righteous ones.

[consuelochavez]

Wow !! This was for me …. My mother used me through all her life I never heard a thank you or how are you ? In her later disease she asked for forgiveness and I said of course I forgive you . To this day I am still working on myself . To let people love me and take care of me .

[msdemeanour]

Rather be alone than alone in a marriage 👀

[yveqeshy]

Limerence crops up when life is bleak, it's a need to chase excitement 18:24

[EmployeeoftheMonth]

I used to want love but genuinely fell out of love with the idea of it because it was so transactional, and I never had enough or at least felt that I had enough money to provide for myself and a woman. Something that really bothered me a lot growing up is how people treated me in regards to relationships because there was this looming aura of disapproval when I was interested in someone, and they would make comments that seemed to suggest that I needed to "have enough" before I could earn love.

The entire concept of it in modern times appears to be established upon a foundation that is built on status, and wealth. Next would be pedigree, and appearance. It is a losers game for anyone genuine and desires love without greedy expectations beyond what is necessary like mutual interest, consent, passion etc... Much of that being denied to most without constant self-sacrifice.

[SheyB-slkg]

Yes. I had to learn, yes, I have needs too. And I will not stifle myself trying to silence my needs. I had to learn that for a relationship to grow, both of us are aware of each other's needs. Took years to stop seeing my needs as a bother. It was exhausting! My crappy childhood programming is slowly unraveling. Thank you Anna.

[CC-cwwu]

I was telling my friend today to protect their energy and not give any of it to not just men but anyone in their life that is disrespectful in anyway. No one deserves men who aren’t one hundred percent about them or friends that are hyper critical and rude. Your network is your networth so don’t put up with less than you deserve.