Fake Apologies and How to Spot Them

Fake Apologies and How to Spot Them: 5 Ways Manipulative People Apologize

Are you in an emotionally manipulative relationship or surrounded by emotionally manipulative people, such as your friends, siblings, parents, bosses, co-workers, church family, church leaders, pastors, ministers--wolves in sheep's clothing? Perhaps you are connected with narcissistic or psychopathic people.

One of the key ways that some people might try to manipulate you is to offer you a fake apology or to be insincere in how they apologize. Many people have gotten more hurt by the fake apology than the offense that was committed. There are fake apologies that pop up among YouTubers and all over social media.

So how can you detect a fake apology? How can you decipher or discern true genuine repentance? In this video, I will explain to you 5 key ways that manipulative people apologize. You don't want to miss it!

🗣 DISCLAIMER: This video represents my personal insights and does not replace the professional advice of a therapist, counselor, coach, etc., for your specific situation.

Join the waitlist to be kept up to date when enrolment is open! The next enrolment period is August 2023.

FREE GIFTS
📦 Training on 3 Key Ways to Navigate Transition: 👇🏽

📺 RECOMMENDED PLAYLISTS:

🔔 SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE CONTENT ON HOW TO NAVIGATE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE:

😊 CONNECT WITH ME:

WHO AM I?
Hi! I’m Shaneen Megji. It seems my whole life has prepared me to do the work I am so passionate about today. Let’s just say I had to swim in narcissistic waters for many years, in workplace scenarios, in my previous faith as a Muslim, in friendships, and even in the church. God truly doesn’t waste anything. Each and every experience and all the studies I have done help me in my passion to set people free from the bondage and oppression of narcissistic relationships, to help survivors of such pain regain their authentic selves and their hope in God’s good plans for them, and to re-educate the church around toxic leadership.

#healingfromnarcissisticabuse #biblicalperspectivenarcissism #toxicity #toxicperson #toxicrelationship #toxicsigns #navigatingtoxicrelationships #unhealthyrelationships #manipulation #healingtoxicity #churchhurts #healingfromnarcissisticabuse #biblicalperspectiveontoxicity #bibleandtoxicrelationship #bibleandtoxicity #ToxicRelationships #NarcissisticAbuse #AbusiveRelationships #HealingAfterAbuse #Empowerment #SpiritualHealing #BiblicalWisdom #SurvivingToxicity #HealthyRelationships #BreakingFree #EmotionalHealing #ToxicPeople #NarcissisticRecovery #BoundariesMatter #FindingStrength #EmotionalWellbeing #BreakingChains #narcissism

[gailrosenberg]

Here's a new tactic: After literally decades of toxic moods, negativity, passive aggressive behavior, neglect, silent treatment, etc., I moved out and spent months writing letters to him about my experience of him as a partner in the hopes he would "come to his senses" and we could get reconciled. I almost had to pull an apology out of him. After over 2 years he wrote a reply that contained a general apology for "crushing my dreams" and" hurting me" with the caveat: "I did not intend it". That was his get out of jail card. After multiple marriage counseling therapists over several years, after Marriage Encounter, after me begging for better treatment repeatedly---he clearly never intended to change and even after losing me he never intended to change so all he could say about the harm was, "I did not intend it." Oh, sure, that gets you off the hook. NOT. Try confessing a sin to God that way! If we don't make a clean amends it is not an amends. The divorce is filed, final in 8/21. I feel so scarred by this man who still walks the earth with his Christian façade intact and I am the wicked woman who abandoned him. God have mercy!

[deep]

Making amends by saying I'm sorry is like throwing a plate on the floor and seeing it in broken pieces. It isn't repaired by telling it I'm sorry. I have to bend over, pick it up, glue the pieces together, and even then it will never be the same as before. Yep, it takes effort.

[jukes]

My husband and I have been separated for over 10 yrs. HIs excuse was "it wasn't my intention to hurt you". All talk, no change.

[tsffmw]

"I'm sorry but you also did...such and such..."

[pinnylamoure]

My mother locked me out the house when I was a young 15. I ended up in a trapped position with a predator and was abused for nearly 7 years.
My mother’s apology was, ‘yeah I didn’t know any of that but yeah sorry about that’ and that was the end of it.
Now she doesn’t understand why I stopped talking to her. Her apology was crappy considering her actions actually ruined my life and still affect me today.
It’s true, people apologise to make themselves feel better, it’s nothing about you sometimes. It was hard to hear but I’m healing from it.

[hollyhahn]

“Sorry… but”
IS NOT A SORRY!

It is however, a “sorry I got caught”, “sorry you found me out”, “sorry I made you mad”.

It is NEVER “Sorry”
“ I… was/am… WRONG”
with No ‘but’s’ tacked on the end.

“Sorry Buts” are NOT ‘sorry’s’ because Excuses for your bad behavior will not EXCUSE you from the responsibility you have (as the offender) - to make quick restitution to those you have harmed.

[gwendolynwehage]

The narcissists I know would never allow us to confront them with their part in the problem, they blow up in anger that we want to talk about it further. This is the proof they were never sorry for what they did, they only want the broken relationship to be over and fixed by a few words rather than facing their own sin.

[elainesmith]

No apologies! His cancer had returned...he didn't want me to know. Was fearful when the cancer was 1st discovered in 2019. His gear of me abandoning him was definately present then and voiced it. The 2nd recurance he did not verse his lots of love bombing from Oct.2021 until he became I'll in Jan. 2022. I never abandoned him, he definately did not recgonize Real Love, that I had for him. He died in was there with him through the whole process. He did apologise to our Oldest son for cheating on me all those years and for treating me so badly ???
He gone and I have made great progress in recovery . Thank you for your wisdom and knowledge, you are truly doing a worthy work for our Great God. Had it not been for him my faith would never have grown to the depth that it is.
Giving God the glory and praise for my survival and thriving in North Carolina!

[natinamack]

That's my Christian mother. Then she'll try gaslighting me, after I call her out on it. She'll start telling me how I feel, I'm unforgiving, I'm always angry, shouting, bringing up the past, and she'll start cutting me off, have slammed doors in my face. Then she'll apologize days later and she will turn around and do it again without apologies at all. Smear campaign to her flying monkeys at church will know when I'll allow her to bait me and trigger me to go off, only that part is shared. Thank you Jesus I have finally learned that I've experienced narc abuse from my mom for years. What I thought was normal was actually abnormal. I'm 52 yrs old and this healing is the most grueling process out. Amen!

[FunDudeGirl]

If they say they're sorry for only some of the things they did to you but not other things, they're not truly sorry overall and cannot be trusted.

[jena]

They don’t even finish the apology- just keep telling you how much they love you and keep being affectionate etc.

[lilymbarikiwa]

Been in hands of narcissists for quite along time
I was so depressed n felt belittled sll the time.
so happy they are no longer in my life, I'm wiser now n learning so much from you
You are such a blessing 😍

[westcoastpicker]

I love watching your videos Shaneen - you have nailed it once again with this one! I was point blank told by a narcissist in my life that every time I had forgiven him, my forgiveness was an open invitation for him to do the same deceptive/bad behavior over and over again (for over 27 years). While watching this video, I continually kept saying yes to many of the things that you speak about. The "Love Bombing" techniques are oh so familiar. The getting angry at me for calling several of them out on their horrible narcissistic behavior is extremely frustrating, to say the least. What never ceases to shock me is how many people do not see that they are narcissists (they are VERY charming to the outside world).
When it comes to confronting them, really think it over prior to doing so. If you still decide to go through with it, be prepared for them to go on an all out smear campaign against you. Amongst other things, they will tell MANY people things you said to them (out of content) - omitting all information about what they did or said to cause you to say those things. Much of what they say with these smear campaigns is a pack of lies and twisted up truths. They appear to be hopeless yet I will never cease to pray for them (for a Saul to Paul miracle). Lord have mercy on their souls. 😔

[MattsDad]

These videos have made my jaw drop. It has given me great comfort to understand what a covert narcissist is. When you're married to one, it is intensely frustrating because no one else sees it.
I've been married to one for 39 years. She was not the sweet person I dated and was engaged to. That was a facade.

[wrosxnc]

Shaneen, thank you for your channel, may the Lord bless and protect you

[marlenevideos]

Another manipulative phrase that sounds apologetic, but is not is: "I did the best I could do." Their ( the abuser = covert narcissist) is to get you back with sympathy. To get you back upclose to do the harm they missed out on, because you got away. Their abuse starts with " gaslighting" so the one they chose as their victim, doesn't leave the abuser. They count on your empathy because they have none. I had given this person the 2nd chance they asked for (to meet and talk) and every service person, cashier checking us our, person that delivered the food and frontdesk help we asked a question he hollered at loudly (at no cause) even though they were polite and helpful in doing their job. So, I walked out again, this time permanently.

And this is the message he left on my phone trying to sound apologetic. I saw the cruelty seeing him from the outside hollering at strangers. Then I thought he might also have anti-social behavior disorder. I blocked him on my phone.

[CharlesEpperly-mrou]

Unfortunately, Carolina did this to me 3 years ago, she would be sorry enough to use her lips and words to prove she "was sorry" but she never did anything in action to prove she cared

[izawaniek]

This is a great description of what false apologies really are like and how to recognise and see through them.

[marieulrich]

This is how my husband apologizes, “are you still mad at me?”

[hollyhahn]

Don’t be afraid THEY might leave you if you hold the Narcissist accountable… be very afraid of the continual: lying, controlling, manipulative actions against you, from your abuser… if you stay.

Please, choose to live without abuse, no matter WHO your abuser is.
❤