The Pathology of the Male Loser

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[axeloi]

Not to over simplify the topic, but there'a a Japanese proverb that says something like, if you chase butterflies they will fly away, but if you build a beatiful garden you will attract them....

[SRT-ypzg]

Ever notice how a woman is never called a loser even if she is one?

[Pooneckynecky]

No man is a loser. I hate when i hear people calling someone a loser. Its a horrible thing to say to someone.
But ive noticed we only refer to men as losers, yet never women.

[FrankNStein-gcon]

I was born to a schizophrenic mother and a capable father (that I actually knew) who abandoned me. Eventually ended up being raised by my tyrant, maternal, grandfather & neurotic grandmother. I was daily beaten and threatened with foster care and even had my face rubbed in urine and feces like a dog when a toilet overflowed....now 53, and never have had a significant other or children. Women can spot fucked up least I never went to prison, other than the "solitary confinement" I have lived in for my entire life. It's easy to be a loser when you've literally, had to face everything in life by yourself. My acceptance of it occurred many years ago.

[markothwriter]

Parents should do more to teach social skills. They are more important than school.

[fauberkaupfmann]

The problem is pretty simple: we were, as a collective, made to believe that, to be valued, we have to be extraordinary (as in out of the ordinary) in at least something.

And the bar for that validation boost is getting higher and higher by the day.

Its pretty clear that thats not sustainable and we're being gaslight into hating ourselves and by extention, the world.

[marycasanova]

No man is a loser if he just gets on with it. I knew a scrawny little boy with glasses. Smart, kind. Totally happy as a junkyard dog(pulling auto parts from wrecks) reconnected with his highschool crush, found out they were still in love with each other, but also best friends. He moved up to jiffy lube, a regular auto shop, constantly taking night classes then maintenance at the airport, then steel composites, then development at the space port, then working on the space shuttle. Had a brilliant beautiful daughter.He still does free car maintenance for family friends. Loves his wife, owns his home is only 40 years old. Nobody saw the potential that boy had. Don't accept your fate. Just put one foot in front of the other every day. Love and be loved honestly.

[thundershirt]

Actually, most cultures addressed this centuries ago: one mate per person. Women are not allowed to monkey branch.

[gooddog]

Not only are men in this nation playing against a stacked deck. But they are now being charged a monthly fee for the use of the cards.

[larkop]

I remember working with a bloke, reminded me of MR Burns, he was highly intelligent but was void of social skills. Poor bloke got bullied every day constantly, sometimes he would ask to be left alone. I thought it was pathetic that they wouldn't give him peace. Got a call from a friend 3 years later telling me our mutual friend flipped and took the steel tube from the Hoover and battered the 3 guys harassing him. I believe they were rushed to hospital. Poor bloke eventually let the rage out.

[Helmasaur_King]

In my experience I've only met maybe 2 women who actually seemed like women I'd be interested in pursuing a relationship with, and for the two I met, each at different points in my life, I found myself to be poorly inadequate. A real sense of "I am not all I could be, or even enough to justify burdening her with myself". Since then my focus has been on myself, sorting out my mind and life, becoming someone I see as worthy of the kind of woman I am interested in. I just turned 27, and still am a work in progress, but I'm not chasing the idea that just anyone's company will magically fix things, and even if a life long romantic relationship isn't in the cards, I'm still bettering myself for my own sake and the sake of every other life I happen to come in contact with. Who you choose to be matters, in all aspects of life.

[HermeticJazz]

A loser is only a man that lets being called a loser get to him.

[goodtalker]

My parents divorced when I was 8 and my brother was 6. My dad took care of everything because my mother was mentally ill. At 12 years old she moved to Mexico and my dad moved back into our home. It wasn't perfect, but it was a lot better than dealing with my mom. When I was almost 16 years old, my mother moved back from Mexico. I wanted to help my dad take care of my mom and ended up taking on way too much of her responsibility in the process. Many years later at 45--and on my second divorce--I came to realize that I had essentially married two women who were shit birds just like my mom--and I made a change. I decided that I could never save my mom--or these two women--and that I was going to reach out to My Savior. At 45 I became a Christian and my life has been ten times better. So much of the New Testament made sense to me for the first time and I know live with so much more peace. Thanks for reading. Roy, So Cal.

[StephenFoster-nf]

I grew up in a culture where a girl gets pregnant at 16 and the State pays for her apartment, food, and medical .
The boyfriend lives with her and gives her more children .
Soon is a three bedroom house and nobody ever had a job .

[jdraven]

"Post-nut clarity" is definitely a thing.

[AcousticJuice]

I was a long term "loser" mostly due to the fact that I felt as if the incentive reward for average males in society like me was not worth the reward. I then got my life together and basically had all these assumptions proven true with experience. After a couple of years of full time work and dating (even successfully) I was completely disillusioned. The only thing this world wants from you as a male is to take up the role of essentially a willing mule without question. Perhaps this worked it a functioning society where toil would actually sustain a decent lifestyle but now it's simply broken. I'm back to being a "loser" again and I'm happier than when I "functioned" in the world.

[frankyu]

As if being married with or without children excludes you from being a loser.

[DeathStarPokeball]

''with money in your pocket, u are attractive, u are intelligent, and u sing well too''

[schurlbirkenbach]

I believed half of my life, that I am a looser. Now I am old and I can compare my victories and my defeats with those of other men and I can see, that I was just an average man. Even a bit above average. The problem of a lot of young men and women is, that they compare themselves with movie heroes. From this viewpoint a lot of movies for teen audiences are really toxic.

[itinerantpatriot]

Interesting discussion. That analogy using the elks rack reminded me of this old Miller Lite commercial where a guy goes to a bowling alley and asks for size 10 shoes but is told the only pair left is size 13. He goes ahead a rents those even though he doesn't want to then he sits down and spots some women sitting near him. He smiles at them and raises his beer but they laugh at the guy in that unique way only women can, that get lost loser sort of condensation. The guy dips his shoulders, sighs in resignation knowing everyone from the shoe guy to these women have zero respect for him, then he puts his feet with those big old size 13 shoes up and the women all do a double take, changing their expression as a horse neighing sound effect is played. The point is clear and it was quite edgy for a commercial but it spoke to a certain amount of truth when it comes to people and their superficial shallow desire for gratification.

But it also spoke to a deeper is issue, respect. I haven't learned as much as I would have liked these past several decades but if a young man asked my advice on the matter of getting by in the world and selecting a good and decent woman to take the journey with I would tell him to adhere to certain to precepts, deal-breakers if you will. First, never let anyone else define who you are. There are enough honest and decent people out there but a whole bunch of them will project all kinds of negative traits on to you and those are the ones that seem to take root. I'm not saying you shouldn't accept valid criticism, just don't let someone apply the loser tab to you. Two, don't hang around with anyone who disrespects you, especially women. She may be a knock out who is great in the sack but if she doesn't respect you she will leave or step out. And as they point out here, if she has a history of disrespecting men or has had multiple relationships understand she will treat you the same way. Walk away from women like that. Realize you can't fix or change anyone except yourself. If you act like a victim people will treat you like one and later on down the road all you get for the effort is a bunch of resentments that flood in like a tsunami. Parents can play all sorts of mind-games on their kids, but how long someone carries that baggage around is up to them.