How to tell people you're autistic as an adult⎥How my husband felt after learning I was autistic

In this video, I go over what my experience was like telling people that I was autistic. Receiving an autism diagnosis at the age of 32 was life changing for me but opening up to people close me was a difficult situation to navigate. As women are increasingly finding themselves on the spectrum later in life, I hope that this video can maybe help a few of them build confidence around disclosing their diagnosis.

[SargeIzzard]

“Seeing your past through a new lens” yup that’s me rn. Trying to forgive myself. Trying to be kind.

[artisticautistic]

I had similar experiences. I found that, after telling people, no one really seemed to want to talk about it or hear any more about it. On the one hand, it's like okay, cool, they just accept me as I am... but it also feels like they just don't care about understanding me better by learning more about some things they didn't know about me and that I've never talked about.

[kofiabu-musamajid]

I like your point about setting boundaries in the beginning of the conversation so the person one is sharing with doesn't take the conversation in a direction the person sharing is not ready to handle.

[kevinchavarria]

Telling people is a double edged sword a lot of times it's best not to tell unless you really really have to, I've noticed that once you tell they either first won't care assuming that you behave very neurotypical in front of people or they will start treating you like a kid almost like you're inferior to them or they will treat you really bad very few times they will treat you how you want since most neurotypicals don't even know what autism even is to begin with let alone finding ways to accommodate those on the spectrum

[melissad]

In my marriage's case, we'd been together for nearly 20 years when I learned I was autistic, and initially my hubby was pretty hesitant about it as well. In his case, he comes from a generation and family belief system that's anti mental health labels. He loves me as I am and doesn't see any need for me to change myself, feared that the ASD "label" was demeaning at first, and didn't like me labeling myself as autistic. It took a lot of conversations and education, first for myself and then for him, before he grew comfortable.

My sons were the same way, not really understanding why I needed the "label" when they were fine with how I was. And my oldest definitely feared this meant he might be autistic too since he's very concerned with fitting into the NT world.

Eventually everyone grew comfortable with it (family jokes where I point out when I'm being really autistic have helped them see in the moment what's a symptom).

I know I definitely felt a HUGE relief when I realized I had nearly all the female ASD traits and they explained so much about so many aspects of myself that I used to be confused and ashamed about. Now I can accept and love myself in a way I absolutely could not before. I also can now see and understand the male ASD traits in my hubby (he does not self-identify as autistic, but will agree he has many ASD traits) that used to be real threats to our marital and familial happiness. Overall, it's made our marriage and our family life SO much better. We have so much more patience and understanding for each other instead of judgement and blame and hurt feelings.

[scottiemomma]

You have such a comforting voice and demeanor, especially at explaining how you experience your diagnosis. Love this!

[NiinaSKlove]

I’m new here 🤓 - I’m Autistic (diagnosed as an adult) - and already hooked on your videos! 😁🌻

[ChrisBanuchi]

Love the idea of giving a disclaimer "I'm not looking for advice or opinions at this time".

[josephc]

I'm giving you a like for the excellent video and the even more excellent Browns room. GO BROWNS!

[i.am.mindblind]

Thank you for this video. I'm on this journey myself and vlogging it on my channel. Like you, I was so excited to have stuff make sense, and was surprised with reactions I got.

[ChelseaDeVries]

Yeah i just got diagnosed and i went public with it and was honestly met with so many ill informed opinions and bias that i didn't need. But the worst came from my two younger sisters who always use the "you are too sensitive due to your Asperger’s." And for me, that feels like they are shutting me down before i even get started.

[a.bielski]

Thankyou this has helped 🥰 you talk my language🤗

[nickysonder]

I had two interesting interactions: when I told my (also autistic) fiancé about my suspicions, I was in tears, because I had finally located the missing puzzle piece. He misread it as me being distressed, and got very defensive at first, as he thought I saw autism (and with that a part of him) as something bad. We luckily cleared that up quickly.
My dad had a sortof hurtful response to me referring to myself as "an autist", he instisted "you have ASS, that doesn't mean you're an autist", by which he meant he saw me as being on "the good side of the spectrum". He had no bad intentions, but it felt like there was an invisible "acceptable limit" to my personality, which I shouldn't cross.

[Deadtired]

It's no wonder this subject gets a lot negative reaction at the beginning (it was great to hear the experience from the other side too btw). For example movies and media have created a certain stereotypic and rather extreme image about the whole thing. During the past couple of decades I have been sometimes wondering that maybe in my case it's asperger, but it did not quite match either and it felt that autims in general was never even an option of consideration, since my impression of the condition has been totally wrong. After listening multiple people who are diagnosed, that impression has been pretty much gone upside-down.

[olejoergenmalm]

Everyone thinks that all adults with Autism sit inside binge eating for comfort and that pretty, skinny women can't have Autism, because skinny women are perceived as social and intelligent.

[hopej]

How does an adult diagnosis help ? I struggle with so much of everything you have mentioned in your videos. I mostly struggle at work. Are there accommodations that can be done in the work place ? I often get very overwhelmed and very anxious. And come home way to exhausted to deal with my task at home.

[anjachan]

I told my mother that I could be ... to a reason why she said: then you are not! but I see it different. Even my mother can't look into my mind.

[tangerinefizz]

Were your parents or other family members surprised when you got the diagnosis? I'm just wondering, because when I finally got the diagnosis, my mom and other relatives weren't too surprised. My mom said, "Well, I always knew you were different." My aunts sort of seemed to shrug it off, as if to say, "Okay."

[Lady_Tism]

This is probably a weird question but how did your husband feel when you told other people that you’re autistic? My wife seems to panic at the idea of me telling anyone and I’m not sure how I should take that. It makes me feel like I’m an embarrassment tbh.

[SargeIzzard]

I’m curious how you stim? I tend to make repetitive noises or songs in a made up language in the voice of a demented toy robot for some reason. Also I pace or perform other repetitive movements.