Real Talk with Anele S4 E53 Parental Regrets

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SAFTA award winning talk show presented by Anele Mdoda. Featuring social commentary on current, cultural & lifestyle topics. SABC 3 17:00-18:00

Have you ever been filled with feelings of regret of having children, do you suffer in silence on the difficulties of parenthood. Suffer no more, because in this episode we will be dealing with this parenting taboo. You don’t want miss the chat with Melanie Bala who sparked the debate. She will be joined by other parents to weigh in on this subject.
Guests are:
Melanie Bala
Penny Lebyane
Lance Claasen
Joy Peter
Hayden Knibbs

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I acho Joy's discourse. So many people question and don't understand my choice of not wanting children, society needs to realize that parenthood is not for everyone. One of the reasons why we have so many broken adults is because our parents were pressured into having children.

MsBg

Nizakunya giving in to societal pressure and letting other ppl decide for you what life should be like, it was in my early 20ies when I decided marriage & kids were not what I wanted and I was vilified by fam & friends, especially my mother but I stood my ground and pursued MY dreams, even to date when I go back home ppl still have a lot to say but I just laugh it off coz I'm so content with the way things are, I don't even feel the need to explain and justify my reasons, instead, I go with whatever they say, if they say I'm bewitched - I take it, they say I fear commitment - that's ok too. Gone are the days of women needing approval for making choices about our lives and bodies, going into the mid 30ies and life looks grand!

msnteetshabalala

Dearest Anele,
What a great topic. Thank you .
As I was listening and feeling everything that all your guests mentioned, I also feel that we have to look at this matter from a truly African cultural perspective.We all continue with the traditional /cultural phrases such as " a child is a blessing " without embracing the rest of the culture which also says it takes a village to raise a child.

I personally suffer because I don't have any children even though I would have loved to give up movie nights, expensive brand clothing and some sleep to raise a possible blessing and share life with. I am fertile, my man is is healthy, my clock still has a moment however there is no Village to help me anymore. A mother and a father have never been sufficient in raising a child. It is a western idea where family responsibility is only within the micro family.

We need the Grandmothers, the aunties, the uncles and the nannies as well as the understanding that a child is born to all of us. In my view, parenthood has become so difficult because parents feel alone.We used to have structures that supported an expecting couple and it is those structures that have crumbled which add to the other very real issues that may occur such as postnatal depression and stigmatisation of women who choose not to have children.
This topic seems to be a symptom of our so called civilised modern world. Higher, faster, stronger and even more alone than ever. This is a cry for African cultural restoration.

oliviap.

13:46 is when she actually starts talking about parental regrets guys 🙂

laurennoyile

"what are you willing to give up?" this is deep. I'm engaged and my mother already wants grandchildren. I however will be enrolling for a PhD and I am sitting here thinking, am I willing to give that up if that would be required of me? hell no!! this motherhood thing is indeed bigger than us. Thank you for the show

mpoimakhetha

Thank you for having this conversation. I thought I was going crazy. I wish we could have more talks like this

kabelolekgwati

Yuuu this made me cry....having to admit such emotions takes a lot. I'm happy I got to this...I feel a whole lot lighter

ntontontk

I really really like the Mom who regrets having kids, she sounds like such a fun and happy soul. Wishing her all of the best in her life journey and happiness for her children.

khanyisagura

Your show was very informative, when the thoughts of regrets came to my mind I thought I was being unreasonable or selfish.

ajekwa

I am so glad that I watched this interview! I’m 23, no kids and I’m an auntie to 4 nieces and 1 nephew and that’s more than enough for me right now. I am still in college, looking for internships and ultimately a job after graduation. I have been getting these questions about having kids since I was 19 and surprisingly not from family, but from my parents friends and my then boyfriend (my now ex). So much so that I actually thought that was what I really wanted! Why is it so wrong for me to want to wait until I am stable in life to have children? I am under no illusion that having kids is easy as I have seen what some of my family members go through every day!

Leratomogase

You have no idea how desperately I needed to hear this. my family is always judging every time I take time for myself and that I should do things with my daughter.

mulalonemasetoni

Kudzima being a parent hey. I have one daughter who is almost 2 years and I really do wish for off days sometimes, and I shed a tear now and again, my friend was so relieved when I told her I shed a tear now and again because she thought she was the only one feeling that way and she always felt guilty...and since then we get together sometimes and talk about being how difficult it is and it helps alot because we love them kids all over again after those conversations.

kefilwebonokoane

My mother actually has mentioned to us that if she received a do over, she wouldn't have kids .. It actually didn't make me sad at all, 5 kids are a lot, I understood. Helping out at home is sometimes tedious for me when I'd rather stay under the covers all day, how much more when you're obligated to care for people, all 5, 6 including an old school patriarchal husband.

ntando

Thank You for this topic! Motherhood is beautiful but challenging. I've been honest about it to my friends who haven't become mother's yet. I tell them it's not all that it's crammed up to be. Even if you walk into a clothing store, you forget that you were getting yourself a much needed new pair of jeans, somehow you end up at the kids department. I now know that my Grandmother is superwoman

Lokicool