Are you an over-explainer? The Real Reason You Keep Over Explaining Yourself (And How to Fix It!)

Are you an over-explainer? When we over-explain, it's usually to avoid or attempt to correct misunderstandings. However, this trait can often have negative side effects on our relationships. Simply put, the more words we use, the higher the chance of being misunderstood. In this video, I will share the connection between over-explaining and executive function in autistic adults.

🎞️Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction
0:44 I’m an over-explainer
3:00 Misunderstandings and the cons of over-explanation
7:57 Over explaining yourself
11:40 Prioritizing as an executive function skill

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If you're autistic or think you or someone you love might be on the autism spectrum, this channel is for you!
I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this channel in the first place because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

Autism affects many (if not all!) aspects of our lives, so on this channel, I want to show you what Autism looks like in real people and give you some insight into what's happening for us on the inside. We'll break down myths and misconceptions, discuss how to embrace autism and live well, and share what it's like to be an autistic person.

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Peace,

~ Paul

#autism #asd #autismawareness

[marcimccann]

Life has taught me, the more you say, the less you are heard

[Sensoryverlord]

I’m a chronic over-explainer, which comes from feeling chronically misunderstood. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to work on it now. It’s helping so far. Thanks for this video!

[juliegolick]

A quote often attributed to Mark Twain: "Dear sir: I apologize for writing you a long letter, but I did not have time to write a short one." 🤣

[stefanb]

Sad thing is, I just love explanations. I love listening to people explain, and I love explaining things. I can cut down my tendency to overexplain in 90% of conversations, but that also makes 90% of conversations feel really bland and unsatisfying.

[jardel_lucca]

It's beautiful how this video over-explains the whole thing.

[michellelambton]

I had to ask my family members if I over explained. They said yes. So this was a while ago, since then I became a chronic person. I’m getting more practice at brevity, and my lovely family is wondering why I’m so quiet now. 🤪. This message got rewritten only twice. 🎉

[reneelibby]

I have ADHD and c-PTSD so I am def. an over- explainer. I've learned to tell myself 1. People don't care. 2. Who cares that they don't care? 3. My time is precious and they may not deserve that time. 4. If they have questions- they can ask me. : )

[NckRa]

“The more words I say, the more chance of a misunderstanding”
Just need to let that sink in.
I think this explains a lot

[eeomwyu]

Being gaslighted and falsely accused by your own parents throughout your whole life since the moment of birth is the reason you are conditioned to over explain yourself. Your brain is set to do a mental "due diligence" as a preventative measure to avoid future blame-shifting and false accusations and more gaslighting!

You are simply trying to avoid a situation of "damned if you do, damned if you don't". So, you pre-solve misunderstanding by providing every details possible.

[JesseTrerice]

This is exceptional. No one has ever explained to me why over explaining and over sharing isn't helpful. I needed these deeper details from an over explanation to understand it and now that I understand it, I'll be more likely to adjust my communication style.
Thank you so much. This is a revelation to me.
I often become frustrated at how others aren't following my logic and misunderstand me.
Thank you so much for this. ❤

[gillywild]

I think this is the crucial difference between neurodivergent people and neurotypical people. Neurotypicals “skim” everything everywhere. They just inherently discard 90+% of all input and rely heavily on “feeling” or “intuition “. We are constantly exhausted because we process way more of the information we are exposed to.

[AugustBug]

I love hearing that other autistics do the same things I do, makes me feel less crazy

[MartinMCade]

This explains so much about my own behavior writing emails at work. (I deleted a much longer comment to type this shorter one.)

[theonetruemorty]

Nailed it in the first 3 mins, spot on. Internally, I go deep on everything; more data is always good, curiosity is king, language is reductionist, misunderstanding is the devil, solving the universe the goal. My instinct in over-explaining is that I'm being helpful, that others want the same. I'm not, they don't. It usually just turns into a squirrel train until they decide to get off at the next stop and take a cab.

[ndupchurch]

This is actually really good professional advice for people in the workplace. I see it all the time - ask someone to provide you an analysis or perspective on something using data, and they spend the whole time telling you how they approached it as opposed to the outcome

[marilynlucero]

I am an over-explainer myself because I prefer people to over explain to me as well. "Treat others the way you want to be treated" mentality.
This is also why I hate places like Twitter where they have these character limitations.
Personally, the less is being said, the more questions I will end up having leaving me more confused because I have less to work with which just ends up stressing me out more.

[freebird]

After spending most of my life(I am 60) wanting to understand other's deeply, and wanting to feel understood deeply also, which wasn't really working, I have realized that feeling understood in myself by myself is really all that matters. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake.

[katharinegates]

Bottom-up thinking seems to be a hallmark of our Autistic brains. Like the idiom “Not seeing the forest for the trees”. I felt pretty defensive while watching this because I overshare and overexplain and it usually does the opposite of what I intended.

One other aspect of this is that I often don’t fully know the single summary sentence you suggest until I have processed the whole thing. And I process things by talking about them. Which I could see being a bit of a burden on others, expecting them to wade through the trees and have to do the work of seeing the forest for me. They didn’t sign up for a quest!

As always, your video was humane and wise. Thank you.

[kelleyleblanc]

My husband says I’m making an excuse for something but I’ve actually analyzed the situation for quite some time and weighed pros and cons and came up with the best solution and it’s an “excuse” so then I need to over explain everything. I sometimes need to tell him “stories” several times. He will say “you’ve already told me” but I can’t help but tell him the story with all the details again. Even if I know he stopped listening I still need to say it again…. It was never attempted for any diagnoses but I’m sure I have some sort of high functioning autism and/ or OCD
This video really helped!! I’m starting to recognize who I say things to and what they need to know and that helps to stop over explaining/sharing.
I’m going to stop now because I’m doing what he says I shouldn’t lol

[zumraozturk]

This really hit hard. The bell analogy will stick with me for forever. I will remind myself about it everytime when my overexplaining tendency showsup.