Therapist Reacts to A MONSTER CALLS

How do you face grief and loss? How can you let go - of people, of pain, of control?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright discuss the grieving process through the film A Monster Calls. They take a look at what to do when you feel powerless and can't fix things, how we can face the pain of a situation, the loss of a parent, and the beautiful storytelling and filmmaking in this movie. And of course they cry a lot!

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

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[roodyroo]

What makes it sadder is that the author of the original book (Patrick Ness, who also wrote the screenplay) didn't start the novel himself; another author, Siobhan Dowd, came up with the concept and characters, but she was suffering from breast cancer, and wasn't going to live long enough to write the story, so Ness was asked to write A Monster Calls for her.

[zenroles]

I also loved how this film encapsulates all the five stages of grief:
1. Denial - Conor believes that his mom will be healed
2. Anger - Conor destroys the entire room
3. Bargaining - Conor looks to the tree for another treatment
4. Depression - Conor faces his nightmare
5. Acceptance - Conor tells the truth

[lkeke]

I liked how the grandmother smashes the comes in and smashes the cabinet too, because we forget while watching this movie that her grandson isnt the only one in pain. She's in pain too. She's losing her child and she is going through all the same feelings that her grandson is experiencing.

[imaginarysea]

Just hearing you say that you have had thoughts like "I wish I wasn't a parent" or "It might be simpler if I wasn't alive", it opened something up inside me. Something that needed to be opened.

These moments of troubling thoughts are just that. Moments.

They don't make me a bad person, or an ungrateful person, or a person who isn't going to keep going. They are moments. We go on.

Thank you.

[violetfolgi]

Lewis MacDougall, the kid who plays Connor, is absolutely brilliant in this film. You'll see he doesn't have many more credits, and I don't know if he's still pursuing acting at all or not, but he nailed this role. Talking about the audition process, Bayona (the director) said that most kids would act desperately sad and cry their eyes out, while Lewis did something different. He was angry. Angry and silent and repressing the emotions and perhaps teary eyed, but angry. And it portrayed perfectly what Connor goes through in the story. Lewis had lost his mother to a terminal disease when he was eleven years old, and played this role just a couple years later if I'm not mistaken. And I think that's a huge part of why his performance really comes through and hits.
He did a wonderful job and I feel like it was so brave of him to take up on a role like this. I hope it felt healing for him too.

[roftherealm]

I first saw this movie on an airplane. I cried so hard that the flight attendant, who didn't speak English, came over with napkins and was very concerned about my well-being.

At the time, I was really struggling with my mental health. Connor's truth was my truth - I wanted it to be over. I wanted my life and my pain to stop. The line "it will be hard, it will be more than hard, but you will make it through" gave me the hope I needed to heal. This movie hit me like a truck.

[trinaq]

I love that this film and book tackle mature subjects such as death, loss and grief by using a creative Allegory, without dumbing it down for children. Connor ultimately knows that his mother won't make it, and is guilty over wanting her to die, since he wants both of their pain to end.

[heyamberray]

What's devastating is that his REAL mother died of multiple sclerosis just before he began filming for this movie. Maybe his reactions were more real than we imagine.

[potato_girl]

The scene where the mom is telling her son to feel his anger to feel whatever emotions he needs to feel. That's what every parent needs to tell their child. I lost my grandma to Alzheimer's when I was 11 it's not a parent but it's still losing someone I love. I was angry, sad, hormonal (because puberty decided it was a perfect time to come lol) I had a lot going on to say the least. Not only that but I had to deal with it as a child, I was told to calm down by everyone. I felt I had to be a "big girl" and grow up and to not feel my emotions.

[_spt-warwolf_]

The one thing I didn't like about the movie is that they didn't include Conor's friend, Lily. In the book, Conor confided to her about his mother's illness and then she told everyone else. As a result, people started treating Conor differently. Lily helped show how Conor used to be before his mother became sick and displayed his self-isolation. After he beats up Harry while screaming "I'm not invisible!", Lily passed him a note that said she still considers him a friend and ends it with the words, _I See You_

[erianle]

"I just want it to be over!" This line means so much to me, since I had a similar experience, except I was the one who was dying. When I was 14 I contracted rheumatic fever, a rather rare disease in America, and it took 4 months for my doctors to figure out what I had. In the meantime, I was slowly dying an extremely painful death as every joint in my body became inflamed with searing pain. There are a lot of things I could say about the expierance, it was horrible, but after I was cured my immune system was so compromised I just kept getting sick, again and again. Bronchitis, a fever of 106 that put me back in the hospital, a few others. The last time I got sick was nearly a year after I'd first gotten sick, I had a bought with pneumonia that lasted nearly 3 months. By that time I'd been sick for so long, fighting for so long, and I was right back on my death bed, unable to lay down or sit up due to my lungs being full of fluid. A few days before Christmas I woke up in the middle of the night, and I decided to sit in the living room, with the Christmas tree lights on and a few candles burning. I realized, at the time, that it was most likely going to be my last Christmas, but I wasn't sad, instead I just wanted it to be over. Siting there, in that moment, at the age of 14, I accepted my death for what it was, rest and peace. I'm 27 now, and while I have long-term disables because of the rheumatic fever, I've never really lost that sense of peace and contentment. My family is the only thing that matters to me in the world, and I spend whatever time I have with those I love. Doesn't matter if I have 50 years, or 50 minutes, I live, and will die, with no regrets. I'll always be grateful for that moment when I was 14, sitting in the living room in the middle of the night, a few days before Christmas. The struggle of life isn't what matters, it's the little moments of joy and love we share with others.

[nicolelynch]

"Humans are complicated beasts. You believe comforting lies while knowing full well the painful truth that makes those lies necessary. In the end, it is not important what you think. It is only important what you do." I've never seen this movie before, but I find this line healing. Powerful even. Especially to the contrast of "wanting it to be over, " the reasoning behind it, and how to move beyond it one day and one step at a time. It's the words I was trying to find within myself but couldn't articulate; I'm glad this story did.

[ellenpcwang]

This was a really good film, to bad it didn't perform well at the box office. This film really tackles a tough subject. Films like Bridge to Terabithia uses a brighter colors to showcase grief. A Monster Calls uses a darker pallet.

[ladynoluck]

I’m not a public cryer, but when I decided to read this book as my in-flight entertainment when traveling alone, I couldn’t stop crying. After watching me for a while with a worried look, my rowmate asked me if I was okay. After all, I was a grown adult reading a large-print middle-grade book with pictures in it (haunting ones but still) and nearly sobbing. It’s such a devastating and real story. I’m glad the movie does it justice.

[michelleraven]

I was connors age when my mom died from cancer. I remember feeling the same way he did. I just wanted to be over. This movie really helped heal my inner child

[Other_Kev]

It's comforting to know even a therapist who's seen his fair share of people go through trauma and divorces can still be touched to his core by a movie like that.

[lanamello]

To everyone who enjoyed the movie, I definitely recommend reading the book. I think the movie makers in this absolutely excelled in translating the book to a video format, but still it is another form to enjoy and heal through the same story.

[doggo]

"You think its easy? You are willing to die than speak it" this hits hard when it first came out and im struggling that time, makes me realize so many things. Now i hear it again and im so proud of myself, I far from my old self

[jcs]

Having gone through my own health scare, this film really is the greatest representation of grief based trauma I've ever seen on both screen and in writing... and it got snubbed at the Oscars. The bit where Connor screams that he wants it to be over will stay with me forever.

[ChimeraConcepts]

If you look at Connor's mother's room at the end, his grandfather is Liam Neeson in the photo on the wall. Really appreciated that detail.