It's Not Your Fault You're Behind In Life – A Software Engineer's Struggle

[CodingMountainMan]

Thank you so much for all the love and support—it truly means the world to me. I’m doing my best to reply to as many comments as possible, and it’s been an honor reading your thoughts and stories. Stay tuned for new videos—I’m planning a follow-up to this one on how to handle and forget bad memories when they surface. Thank you for liking and subscribing—it means so much!

[youMatterItDoesGetBetter]

Don’t worry too much, just got all my shit together at 34, graduated and got diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I’m healthy and body build. Absolutely no cancer in the family. Shit happens, what’s it all for?

Update: I’m selling my life and moving to Thailand to live on a beach for a couple of years. Fuck it.

[grantcunningham]

a software engineer discovering the way his mind works. thats actually pretty poetic

[xnwgoes]

It actually is my fault that I'm behind because I was intelligent enough to know what made sense fairly early in life, but my self-esteem was so beaten down as a young adult that I didn't trust myself enough.

[chikifree]

The fact that a person can come out the other side being a good person, says a lot about their character.

[harambeexpress]

The effect stress (and PTSD) has on a child is well documented. It really does affect memory dramatically... And without memory a lot of things become really hard. You can have the chops to do the thing but you can't recall critical details when required.

[Cdude]

Youtube is still good place, where people can share to each other emotions and life tips.

[varpen]

1000s times better than all the gaming and tech bro junk these days on YT, thank you for uploading

[musicplaylist]

A tech youtuber that is actually posting up-lifting content. Honestly these past few years tech content has all been so toxic its so damn refreshing to see someone actually post a video to up-lift programmers out there and give some reassurance that things can change. Godbless your channel, make sure to subscribe guys.

[saurabhjdas]

90% of the video had nothing related to coding, but that truly was something that many software devs needed to hear.
Thank you so much for describing your past and using it as an example to illustrate how cruel/kind that world can be at times for some people.
Instant subbed!! Keep posting. Wishing you great health and success.

[mobbs]

No loud intro music, no BS. Just pure heartfelt, authentic reflection shared here.
Please make more content. Subbed.

[alex_]

I liked the saying "It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility.". Don't blame yourself, but the person who suffers the most from not trying is yourself. You owe it to yourself and your traumas to be happy and secure in life. Also, keep up the good work man.

[Vorpsedda]

This may sound hyperbolic. But ive Been feeling disenfranchised with myself and the world for a while now. The level of aithenticity, honesty, relatability, and humanity that came from this video. Its enough to make me cry. Its so simple but yet such a powerful message.
Thank you very much

[LeutnantJoker]

That's why I joined the military at 19, to get away from home and people that didn't believe in me. The military (in Germany) was the first place that both expected me to perform, but also treated me as an adult, with respect, and believed that I COULD perform and THEREFORE expected it. It was the first place that told me "no this isn't about you against everybody and everybody against you, this is about teamwork, because loners die".

That career didn't work out all the way as I wanted it too, but I made it to junior officer and later studied outside to become a developer, worked on game dev and other fields.

Even though the military didn't work out all the way, the things I learned there about cooperation, about public speaking, about believing in myself, about not accepting bad compromises, about speaking up when I see stuff that is going to be bad (because in the military that's not a budget loss, that's a potential death) has helped me tremendously of becoming a better guy. I learned communication, I learned teaching, and I learned that I like to be in charge of my own fate, and what people I can rely on and who I can't rely on. I also taught me about taking risks and not always taking the easy route. I taught me about my own limits (hardest lesson ever, when you find out you're not as tough as you thought you were), and about what I need in life to respect myself. When to trust authority and when to trust my own judgement against all authority.

Now left the employee world 5 years ago as a freelancer and now going abroad (third time) to be an indie dev. Never taken the normal route, never listened to people telling me what won't work or what's too risky. Always gone the different way, never been a tribal person, able to cooperate, but never willing to accept shitty compromises.

It's tough, and the place I started from and tons of toxic experienced in my life still slowed me down more than I like. But it's worth going you own way, one you believe in, even if you're the only one who does.

[-biki-]

i also grew up with violence and had PTSD. I took my tech job money and used it to pursue several protocols of therapy (Cognitive Processing Therapy and EMDR being the big ones).

I put all my energy into that work, it was expensive both in out of pocket costs (best therapists tend to be private) and opportunity costs (this work did not allow me to use my free time for side hustling or doing 1337code)

i do feel behind. I didn't job hop, i locked down to punch my demons in the face. i didn't hustle, i needed recovery time, especially with EMDR. I didn't date until i got therapy. I do not appear competitive if you only look at my career. I am competitive, i am relentless, and my work continues. my life work is debugging the brain and the heart first, everything naturally follows after that

[SirCobraXI]

Honestly, your deep level of reflection is a real achievement! There maybe people, who had an easier start, but we live in a society where you are encouraged to prioritize the wrong goals and it traps people who lack this reflection. I'm not sure if you have kids, but I am sure you would be a great dad to them!

[masterprogrammer]

You just described my childhood. The worst thing is to grow up like this, thinking it's completely normal and we are the incompetent and dumb. I'm also a software engineer, and have 3 kids. I try to give them what I did not get growing up.

[manwithllama]

Certain people are born to be communicators. You, my friend, are one of those people.

Keep telling stories. They are the lifeblood of our society. ❤

[deffdepth]

I experienced some traumatic events as a child, and one of the most harmful was doing homework at home. My mother would scream at me and hit me if I couldn't remember something or spelled something wrong when I was very little. This made me believe I was stupid, and I later I would avoid any peer reviews because I was afraid people would see how inadequate I was. I would only do homework in class to avoid being yelled at, which made it incredibly difficult to succeed in school.

There is profound wisdom in this video that truly touched me. I wish a younger version of myself could have understood something like this, which is why I'm writing this comment. It wasn't until I realized these negative experiences were dictating so much of my life that I could do something about it. The hate or anger you feel, the helplessness you experience—these emotions can hold you back. It is really scary how convincing these experiences can be because of how deeply you believe them. Don't ignore them; that won't help. Instead, forgive, face the truth of your current reality, make a plan to accomplish something, and allow yourself to move on.

I'm 36 years old, I have a degree in software engineering, and I graduated on the dean's list. This is the same person who had trouble finishing high school. It wasn't until I allowed myself to stop letting negative experiences be the only roads I knew that I was able to achieve this. Don't give up.

[kagreenk]

I’m almost 60. I have gone and am still going through something similar. This is some of the best advice I have ever heard.