People Died Laughing, When Random Strangers Said This - R.I.P.! (Funny Askreddit Stories)

New AskReddit Funny Stories: Reddit, whats the funniest thing that a random stranger said to you that made you die laughing inside? --- 1000 LIKES AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES!

Music: Kevin MacLeod

[darksidebuddha]

"He was almost red as tomato, he anger. " --greatest quote I've ever heard

[SaziSkylion]

I was working the register when a couple came up with a card and one of our decorative things we sell (I can't remember exactly what it was, I think it was a big flower pot or something) and they told me it was a wedding gift for a friend. The man asked me "What kind of gift do you get someone who's already been married four times and has everything?"
I replied "A card that says 'Better Luck Next Time'."

[maudinapalmer]

One day i was at a grocery store. I had kind of a bad day and was spacing off when I went to grab a bottle of tea, and It sliped out of my hand and broke on the floor. I was on the verge of tears when a man walked around the corner and said with complete enthusiasm "oh look it's the bust'in tea party. I had never wanted to hug a stranger so much.

[MerriBelle]

at a putt-putt course, a guy from the group behind us shouts "I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY!!! I WANT JUSTICE!!!" I will forever remember that random moment.

[audreymartin]

This happened about 10 years ago. An old man interrupted my husband and I in a pub and said that I have a purple aura around my head. He said I must be a healer.
We rely on science, not superstition so we didn't tell him that I was a nurse. I was not a healer per se, but part of a team that healed.

[JasYeets]

I was opening up a pad in a stall next to a mom and child in a restroom. The kid asked his mom "why does she have a bag of chips in the bathroom?" It was too cute and me and the mom where both giggling.

[Kyle-ojob]

I wore a plain red t-shirt and some khakis one day and without thinking about it and went shopping at Target. I feel someone come up behind me and hear "hey cutie are you buying or selling?" I turn around and it's a middle-aged dude working there who thought he was fucking with a coworker. When he realized he really awkwardly shuffled past me and into a different department lol

[hunterthekitsune]

In church one Sunday, the pastor was going on about how having material possessions is bad and you need to instead be humble and whatnot. He unfortunately did what I feared he was going to do, and made it political by asking "Now who is someone you know in with a lot of money, and not a very humble heart?" Obviously Trump was the answer he wanted to hear, but some amazing individual just blurted out "Lord Farquad!" Me and my sister tired not to choke on our laughter for the longest time.

[doraliciamendoza]

One time we were walking out of Hobby Lobby the same time as a group of guys, probably 18/19 were walking in, and the one closest to us exclaims in such an excited voice, "Dude we could make a scrapbook!" I didn't make it to the car before bursting into laughter.

[LaRana]

There's a brother and sister on my school bus. They're both in elementary school and the brother is older one (around 9 I think) and the sister's name is Mackenzie. One day I happened to have my earbuds out only to hear the brother say in a very annoyed voice,
" Mackenzie you didn't even know what Egypt WAS until LAST YEAR!" Cue the sister saying in a very defensive & huffy tone,
"I WAS A BABY!"
"You were FIVE Mackenzie!"
Me and the bus driver just look at each other and burst out laughing.

[asantaimeep]

Kid walks past best friend and me at four am with his phone sandwiched between his shoulder and chin, because he needs his hands free to carry the four Yorkie pups in duck costumes. Just as he passes us, he goes "Arigh dad, did'ya get the jizz outta ma sheets?"

[isobelneferata]

Overheard a man say in a flat tone " yeah that's illegal you're going to jail " I wish I knew more of it but his tone and the out of the blue statement made me laugh

[alexisgrunden]

Working at a large retail store (🎯), I had a hilarious encounter that I still chuckle about to this day. At that chain, one of the first things they teach you in orientation is that if you see a customer looking confused or lost, to ask them if you can help them find something. About 99% of the time, they're either fine or extremely grateful. I spotted a lady with a toddler in the cart seat in the back of Cosmetics, looking very irate and confused, so I did as I'd been taught.
Me: Hi there. Can I help you find something?
Customer: *whirls to face me* NO! I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF FINDING IT MYSELF!!
Me: *puts my hands up in the 'not a threat/surrender' gesture* I never meant to imply otherwise~!
I held very, _very_ still as she walked off, not wanting to attract her attention again. After about 3 steps, she stopped, sighed, and turned back around to face me.
Customer: I'm sorry. Maybe you can help me find something. Midol?
It was all I could do not to bust out laughing (and yes, I am a woman too, so I knew her pain). I showed her where it was, and she hugged the box as she left~

[dbseamz]

Was the random person. Two of my teachers are Marvel fans and both decided to show this big battle scene from Infinity War during class instead of teaching. Same scene both times--a battle in Africa against some vaguely canine aliens. Thor shows up and starts spewing lightning everywhere, yadda yadda, superheroes fighting. (I know nothing about Marvel). So the second class that shows this same scene, in comes Thor, and I have this random urge to yell when he has his big lightning moment. I timed it perfectly, too!

[Ulquiorra]

2nd year of working at a grocery store and Halloween rolls around, the only time I ended up glad to work it. Had to wait to get booze approved while a guy and his gal are standing there. I'm trying to work out his costume: he's wearing jeans and a flannel shirt under an old lady type dress, topped with way too much blush and a old lady wig that looks more like a done up mophead. As I stand there and wait and feel the answer so close, his girlfriend says something to him. He looks to her and in the most deadpan voice ever says "Mother would not approve." I lost my shit laughing right there at Norman Bates dressed as his mother and it's still the best costume I've ever seen in my life as well as playing the character.

[athavavalisio]

I was at fright fest in Six Flags for Halloween so there were people walking around in costumes scaring people and I had been there since 12pm and it was about 10pm+, so you know my legs are dying by now and I'm exhausted mentally so I look dead on the inside and i'm tilting, this guy dressed as a zombie creeps out of the fog in an attempt to scare me and I stare at him than he goes "you look deader than me". Took me a min to register what he said, made my night.

[lanieharmon]

Oh my god, I was sitting next to this guy in a college bio class. Prof was doing one of his long start-of-class review lectures where we didn't learn anything new so we were all bored. This guy was taking notes on his laptop but didn't have anything new to put down so he just started typing I immediately cracked up as I felt the exact same way

[luissantiago]

This is wholesome and chill. Love this shit.

[lightheartdoesstuff]

Me and a friend went to a comic con, it was my first time, and my friend was helping me put the hair net on, (we were cosplaying as Tom and Edd from Eddsworld) Now let me note, the only cosplay like thing I had on was the hair net and this random guy walked past us, looked at me and said "Nice cosplay"
(I wasn't even in my cosplay stuff yet... *I only had the hair net on* )

[benjamindanielsen]

One time I was doing a ropes course while on an overnight trip at a mountain cabin/resort, and when I was trying get out of my harness (which, unwisely, was still hooked to the rope) I tripped trying to get my left leg out and fell straight on my butt. The Australian girl running the course asked if I was ok, and without skipping a beat I said in my Texan-Cajun accent "Welp, I think probably got a second buttcrack now, but otherwise I'd say I'm doin' pretty good down here miss." Made her nearly die laughing and we're pen-pals now. Life's weird like that sometimes.