Best Way to Ask Out Your Crush

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What is the best way to ask out your crush?

Hey bro, how's the Brittney situation going?

Umm... it's not.

What!? Why? She reject you?

No, I just haven't found out the right way to ask her out.

Seriously bro, what are you in 7th grade?

Then how would you do it?

I'd look her in the eye and say " Excuse me but, could you open the kitchen drawer? Because I wanna spoon." Then wink and wait for the magic to happen.

You seriously did not just say that.

Wait, here's a better one. I'll see her at a bar, and then walk up to her and say, "I'm not drunk, you're just intoxicating."

Wow, what makes you think you'd see her at a bar?

Fine, I'll tell her I need to call animal control because I'm looking at a fox. She has to love that.

Okay, these aren't even realistic things that you could attempt to tell a girl, without knowing that you will get slapped.

Okay, then how were you wanting to do it?

Uhh... hey Brittney, do you want to go out to eat next Friday?

Then why haven't you said that?

Because it sounds so... lame.

Exactly. Mine are spontaneous, magical....

No, yours are insulting and ridiculous.

What?! I use them all the time!

Which would explain why you never have anyone over.

I don't have anyone over because there is no one I'd want to bring home to meet my lame roommate.

Whoa! I'm lame!? Seriously, go use one of those lame lines and bring someone home tonight.

Okay, then when she's here I'll cook for her and say "Girl, I'm glad I'm wearing an oven mitt because you are too hot to handle."

Wow... how long have you been waiting to use that one?

A pretty long time actually.

Yup, that's what I thought.

Whatever, just go ask out Brittney.