The difference between ‘settling,’ and being realistic

There’s a marked difference between settling in love, and being realistic. Settling acknowledges having options for better choices that we didn’t take. Being realistic takes all existing factors into account and determines the best romantic choice possible. Learn which choice you’ve made.

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The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[ritagomes]

i think you should further explain the difference between limiting belief and realistic belief

[DawnFromNZ]

Thanks for a great explanation on this, Susan. At 72, I know I have to compromise on some things. Your words show how important it is to understand the things worth compromising on and where to hold
firm.

And for the doubters who seem to think once you are past a certain age you have to compromise on everything! Nope! Had the best relationship of my life in my sixties. Never stop believing. :)

[woody]

People are way too picky. I shouldn’t have to sell myself to people. Prince charming and Cinderella don’t exist. I understand everyone’s got flaws and baggage. Even I do. But I will never settle and be with someone just because everyone else is getting married and having kids. I am 29 and still have my entire 30s ahead. If I’m not feeling the chemistry or the feel goods, I’m not gonna invest. I’d rather be healthy alone than stick with someone else.

[godswillazubuike]

Amazing how so much wisdom was cramped into just 3 minutes

[ilsewenzel]

Ar my age and having a long list of health issues I am settling because I don't want to extend myself anymore. I had been alone a long time and was surprised that men still found me desirable

[FirehorseG]

My life has taking a downward turn due to bad health, subsequently finances. The quality of men I have anything to offer have gone down too. Less physically attractive, (like me now), lesser earners (like me now) lesser social circles (like me now) and this is soooo depressing. I just can't accept it so rather be alone.

[ernestomunoz]

Thank you for not leaving me. I feel very grateful 🙏

[tangerinefizz]

None of my options are desirable, so I'm definitely going to end up alone. That's okay, though. I refuse to waste my time on someone I'm not attracted to. That's no way to find love.

[franktalk]

I know I have to settle for someone I am not attracted to if I want a relationship. I wish I knew how to be satisfied with that, though. That's the one question nobody can answer. They all know I have to settle, but nobody can tell me how to like it.

[cosmopolitanbay]

Useful distinction and awesome finish! Was just feeling like realistic begins to sound like personal limits, and then you nailed it :)

[patrickjenkins]

It’s not settling it’s making a decision, if you want a family then you have to make it happen. There is no perfect anything. Life is about action, results, and decision making. You date and move forward with who wants to move forward with you, making it last now is a whole different matter. lol

[thomasbuxton]

I’m 29 and been rejected by every woman I’ve ever desired. The thought that if I ever want to experience a relationship, I’m most probably going to have to settle for someone I don’t want wholeheartedly makes me more depressed than all the rejections put together.

[mnm]

Thank you!!! This makes so much sense!!!

[annieportier]

I always learn something new with you. Thank-you so much for taking the time to educate us. The information is so valuable!!

[johnnycalderon]

My ex said she was settling but yet couldn't point out my flaws smh. Only flaws were things I had done in the beginning of the relationship 2 years ago. I'm pretty sure her sister and friends are telling her she can do better. Too bad once she leave this door is closed..

[DawnFromNZ]

Thanks Susan. Your wise words are always helpful. :)

[harryh]

I'm just put in this out there. If you're looking for forever long term DO NOT settle for an American person, they're terrible at keeping relationships that's why they have so many exes. For long term I highly recommend finding a good European, African, or middle eastern, because the majority of people from these regions have been in relationships for decades and most of their 1st are their last.

[Kyle-fqkq]

What if I’m not physically attracted to anyone deemed “realistic”? I don’t want to spend my whole life with someone thinking I could do better

[michellezareas]

A very astute assessment, as well as not surprising coming from you. You are the Queen! 😍🙌😊

[Toby_the_Glen]

Being realistic is just a different way to view 'settling'