I lied to my parents about completing my University degree

I lied to my parents about completing my University degree

Hi, so let me jump right into it. Growing up, my family set expectations for me and my siblings. Those were very common. Finish school, finish college and then finish university (UK system).

I completed the first two steps, and then struggled on the third, here’s why. From the age of 6-16 I was always picked on about my features.

All my interactions with every single student involved why I looked a certain way, and in primary school I never took much notice of it because I was still learning English since it’s my second language.

Then I went to secondary school, where it only became worse. I would always have a group of kids form a circle around me and ask why I looked “weird” and why I had strange eyebrows etc.

I struggled to be myself so put on an act all throughout school, people would make shitty comments about me and I would just have this big smile on my face to a point where I was nicknamed smiley.

The only problem with that is these kids had no idea smiley never existed when I went home. So I finished school eventually and thought it would get even worse at college, but it wasn’t.

It was a huge shock to my system when I interacted with people and nobody mentioned my looks. So much so I developed severe anxiety.

My head would never let me believe I look fine and would always play comments I received on the bus and back in school. I always expected at least someone to make fun of me but they never.

I made it through college by keeping to myself and making sure I don’t bother anybody and help students in my class if they wanted.

Now as I left college, the next big step was university. Everyone was so lovely, but the travel to university and the level of anxiety I would build up during my journey became unbearable.

I would sweat buckets on the London Underground and people would just look at me weird, I always thought people stared at me but they never, I just attracted it with my overthinking.

Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore, so every day I would leave home pretending I’m going to university but instead go to a local park and sit alone for many hours.

Some days it rained so heavy but I still sat there for hours and hours. Did this for two years. I would see people I knew graduate on Facebook and that just made me lost.

Letters were coming from university saying I would be withdrawn but I would rip them and not let my parents see.

Eventually my mom found out. She told my dad and he was ready to make me feel even more useless. I was then told to either find work “by tomorrow” or be homeless.

So I decided to apply for a night shift warehouse. This ensured I wouldn’t see too many people but my anxiety got the best of me so I left.

Today I am slowly trying to be happy with who I am and decided to take an online degree which my parents don’t mind since COVID came.

I hope one day I can feel normal.

TL;DR Growing up (from 6-16) I was constantly picked on in school, went to college and no longer was picked on, my brain told me any moment now someone will pick on me but they didn’t.

I developed anxiety from waiting on strangers to make comments about me, I finished school and college but never completed university because of my anxiety.

I lied to parents about attending uni. Instead I sat at a park for 2 years but eventually my mom found a letter saying I was withdrawn. Was made to work but then left work due to more anxiousness.

Now I study a online course hoping for the best.I lied to my parents about completing my University degree.

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i lied im dying inside lyrics,
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