I call bullshit on transactional relationships, intentions, actions.

You may be thinking what are you even talking about? And that is exactly why to watch! Often we put expectations on relationships, actions, intentions without realizing it!

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As always, I ask you to look at this closer, this deeper awareness and not taking this as the 100% truth could show some things....

[kresivarivkah]

It is wise to walk away from toxic and one sided people.

[potapotapotapotapotapota]

unmet expectations lead to dissapointment, disappointment leads to resentment and resentment leads to anger towards the one you are supposed to love

[nicoleoginni]

An honest question: will you continue to support and love someone long-term if they don't reciprocate the energy? I believe people misalign the word "transaction" with negative connotations, likening it to the process or act of doing business (from a contractual POV). For instance, if you are the one with a friend/lover who is always giving, caring, and making effort to keep the relationship healthy, you will eventually take a step back due to the imbalance of needs met. And there's nothing wrong with owning to the fact that we all desire reciprocity, no matter how much of a giver one is—we all have certain needs we receive from everyone we interact with (whether consciously or unconsciously.) We stay 'connected' to the people close to us because they have something we need & vice versa. I believe switching the word "transactional" to "reciprocal" is more fitting. But let's not pretend that adult relationships do not require a "fair give and take" for them to thrive. The key word here js "relationship, " because when I'm giving my time or resources to strangers from an altruistic place or supporting someone's business because they are doing a great job, I do not have expectations or require them to return the favor.

[josedanielherrera]

You're 100% right about people who "end up living in resentment, expectations and holding grudges." I don't think people understand that judging yourself exclusively by intentions and others by actions is a recipe for disaster.

I wonder if there's a philosopher that promotes ignoring intentions altogether.

[GodHelpMe]

I desperately want to die.

I notice, in my life,
all I do is navigate my way through the world...
Doing my best, moment-to-moment,
to endure the least amount of suffering as possible...
And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die.

There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life.
It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery.

I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life.
I have severe (c)PTSD.
My heart is shattered.

Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.

I pray to heal from,
and be released from,
the prison of:

- poverty
- aches and pains
- an inflexible mind and body
- diabetes
- PTSD flashbacks
- (c)PTSD
- suicidal depression
- homicidal rage
- grief
- guilt
- regret
- loneliness
- heartache/heartbreak
- repression/suppression
- soul rape
- a silenced voice
- a lack of boundaries
- perpetual aloneness
- obesity
- trauma
- obsession/rumination
- the past
- spiritual attacks and curses

I MUST DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER:

When I am feeling/being victimized,
I am over-valuating what I don't have,
and under-valuating what I do have! 😊

And to the little girl in me,
I want her to know,
“Your father’s angst, anger, pain, rage, and unhappiness,
had nothing to do with you.” ❤

[baileymoran]

Transactional relationships are just flings, no matter how long they last. You can’t buy someone’s love. You cannot earn it via favors. Anyone that shallow won’t be there when shit gets rough. I had a medical emergency that permanently changed my life, body, and ability to earn money. My husband is here still. If we were together for shallow reasons, he wouldn’t be. I couldn’t do much if anything for a year. I was making good money and that stopped. I looked like shit the whole time I was going through my 5 surgeries in a year. I had to shave my head because my hair was falling out. I looked like I was dying. My face was sunken and my skin was dry and flaky. My body looked sick. I couldn’t go places and have fun because I was busy learning how to walk again and adapting to my new limitations. I was crying every day for months because it was such a scary situation so I wasn’t fun to be around. But he stuck through it because we got married before all these dating gurus started pushing transactional bullshit.

[yungjamez]

I understand your point. But to be technical, doing things for people “just because they make you feel good” is still a transaction. You’re still doing something because you get something out of it

[williampatchen]

When I saw this title I thought it was coming from the opposite direction. Although I understand what you are saying and I can see how you are correct.
I don’t mind doing things for people, in fact I enjoy doing things for people and I don’t necessarily expect them to do things for me In return. I’ve come to the sad realization that some people are only friends with me because I do things for them. And if I don’t do anything for them we have no relationship.
So at this point I’m just going to focus on myself and although it feels lonely, hopefully I will make a friendship with someone who just enjoys my company and we can have a balanced relationship

[MvkHntr]

The reason why u shouldn't think of a relationship as transactional is because u MAY resent that thought IF they don't return ur action. I really wish ur way of thinking is true but I can't shake the experiences I've had. Maybe women have more leeway on the obligations of the relationship, but I cant believe my partner wont expect anything from me. Maybe there's is great relationships out there but until I experience it I can't say what u say is true no matter how much I want it to be true

[thevikingbeard]

So much of this ties into love languages. My close friends know that one of my love languages is acts of service. That can be seen as wanting a transaction and I suppose yes, I want to spend time with someone and make have good talks with them. If i happen to get to use my power tools to help with projects, I get excited because I get to use tools and do an act of service while seeing a friend or loved one.

There is also the concept of intent behind the transaction because all things in life are a transaction or in essence a give and take. You want cuddles, you have to find someone that wants to cuddle you back. We can easily trap ourselves into the thought process of this is just transactional therefore no good. Like a wife wanting the husband to go with her to a play. It may not be his thing but if he loves her and it means a lot to her to have him with her, he goes.

Really can lead to some selfish behavior but also overlook other behavior that is purely out of loving someone. I think ive learned to talk with your person about this openly and don't come to these conclusions by yourself out of the mistake of misreading a situation.

[snmn]

Actually transactional marriage serves as a great foundation to a marriage. That is based on real tangible actions that the partners do for each other on the basis of reciprocity, the foundation of all social interactions. Doing so builds up each partner allowing for continuous growth of the marriage.

Virtually every marriage fails when one or both partners cease providing real, tangible evidence of devotion to one another, regardless of the proclamations of love.

[mdbilalfarooqui]

I like the way u elaborate the transactional

[KelechiNwoko]

The world has always been transactional

[adielwilson]

So as long as the transaction isn't expected it will happen

[landofashley]

You may not like the idea of transactional relationships but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still exist. You can’t help if people view you as a transaction.

[ozjohnno]

SOrry to bust your bubble darlin (yes the disrespect is intentional). Let me tell you about My ex wife, I saved $60, 000 in a single year working in the mines in order to build her a house so she could be closer to her daughter. I then spend $70k improving the house, paths, building a BBQ area and the like. I then had a motorcycle accident, that left me with BRAIN DAMAGE. Inside of 2 years, she divorced my ass. WAS I NO, I was still making 80k a year in insurance (I cant work anymore). At the time she was makin 100k a so we had 180k a year coming in, surely that was enough to pay a $320k BUT NO, I wasn't making 200k+ a year any more....Next thing I know thing SHE then went and tried to SUE MY ASS for half the house, a house she didn't save one red cent for!!!! (sorry, but she was waaay better at spending than saving) At the end of the day, she did get some of the house but BEARLY enough for her to pay her solicitor. She is now remarried and I hope that sucker doesn't fall for the same As for me, I have been alone now for nearly 15 years, I am still being paid by my insurance, but my brain injury means I cannot work again. MGTOW brothers, its the only way to live. When I move back home into the 2BR unit I have, I will buy a DOG for company, a dog will love you no matter what. I am yet to hear about a HYPERGAMOUS DOG. Much less trouble than having a It has been MY EXPERIENCE IS THAT WOMEN TREAT RELATIONSHIPS AS TRANSACTIONAL, so why shouldnt I??? As men we have needs, but in future I will satisfy those needs by PAYING FOR IT, 1 half hour at a time. After all, you are going to pay for it one way or another. Better to care for a dog, invest in myself and enjoy the hobbies that I have with no 'outside input'. The way I see it is that women (especially if they are say.... 35+), should buy themselves a half dozen cats, an lots of boxes of They wont feel so bitter and will probably live happier lives (that is before they die of liver failure and they have their face eaten by the afore mentioned CATS!!

But you keep living 'your best life'

[mheiseus]

Yeap, to some people your just a paycheck, warm body, or social opportunity.

[shawnjones]

I guess I’m struggling with the line blurring between accepting disrespectful treatment and transactional relationships. The person I’m thinking of now is someone I’m working on becoming friends with and she doesn’t return calls or text and that’s what I’m thinking the transaction is?? I feel that me answering calls and text should be reciprocated in a friendship. Am I thinking too much into it?

[imgrant]

@Tricia aka Joyologist, Thanks for the video. I didn't know what the term was for this. But I've heard all my life don't do something for someone just because you expect something back. I always thought this was too simplistic. After reading your comments below to Dayla Renee, I think perhaps your video falls a little short because you don't really explain what a real friendship is and what are healthy expectations. Not expecting anything back can certainly result in one-sided relationships where one person is doing all the giving and the other is taking advantage.

I have to admit, I'm a bit needy due to a neglectful upbringing. But I'm not illogical or unreasonable. I can own my own stuff and try to take care of myself if need be. I say try because there are some points in our lives where we struggle. Usually it takes only a small bit of appreciation, only a token, and then i get back to give give give. From time to time, i look back and say, "hmmm... is what i'm getting back really what I'd expect from an appreciative person who truly loves and value me?" I think the distinction is transactional relationships are short-term. Its not a true investment. In a transactional relationship the person isnt willing to fight for or make meaningful sacrifices for the friendship. They don't really value the person or they value the person only out of obligation. They may feel some indebtedness that they don't want to feel because they feel they will be required to do something in return.

In a friendship I'm in, i feel the person was only mimicking my behavior, but was not able to come up with any creative or thoughtful expressions of appreciation of his own. If I had a need for something, he probably wouldn't be willing to do it except that I've already done something similar for him.

Its hard though because sometimes people don't know how to be a friend. They may mimic you simply out of lack of experience. Even so I assume a person should be able to express themselves in a way that seems genuine even if they struggle to reciprocate. Perhaps you can add to this or correct me. Thx.

[GreatnPwrfulSteve]

Really this is just dumb. When I plant crops I expect a harvest. If no harvest then why plant seeds? I call bs on our dumb arguments. Just plant seeds and don’t worry about the crop… until your starving in winter and the field could care less.