181: Depression? What You Can Do with Michael Yapko

Is depression affecting you or someone you love? What do we know about the best ways to overcome depression? And how can we mitigate the ways that it impacts our relationships? This week, our guest is Michael D. Yapko, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, marriage and family therapist, and author of 15 books including Depression Is Contagious: How the Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around the World and How to Stop It. He is internationally recognized for his work in developing strategic, outcome-focused psychotherapies, the advanced clinical applications of hypnosis, and active, short-term non-pharmacological treatments of depression. Dr. Yapko has been a passionate advocate for redefining how we think about and treat peoples’ problems, especially the most common ones of anxiety and depression. Michael shares how he approaches treating depression and provides some steps that you can take if you’re dealing with depression yourself.

As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it!

Resources:

Visit Michael Yapko’s website to learn more about his work.

Pick up your copy of Michael Yapko’s book, Depression Is Contagious: How the Most Common Mood Disorder Is Spreading Around the World and How to Stop It

FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship

Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE)


Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

Transcript:

Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. It's come up again and again in conversations that are happening in our Facebook group and elsewhere, what do you do if you or your relationship is impacted by depression? In other words, if you're feeling depressed, what can you do to help and get better, and maybe how can you mitigate the effects that your depression is having on your relationship with your spouse or significant other, with your kids, with the other people in your life? Because depression is relational, it affects us, but it also affects how we interact in the world. And then there's also the question of what if your partner is suffering from depression, what can you do then and how can you stand the best chance of helping your partner recover from depression?


Michael Yapko: My pleasure. Thank you, Neil.

Neil Sattin: So, let's start by creating some context because I think a lot of us feel like we know what depression is and yet there are a lot of common misconceptions about what actually constitutes depression and what the causes of depression are. So, could you start us out with a little bit of background on just answering that broad question, What is depression and what do we know about what causes it, and what doesn't cause it?

Michael Yapko: Two very huge questions that I will try and break down in a reasonable way. What is depression? Depression is technically defined by the mental health profession as a mood disorder, but it is in fact much more than that. Depression's tentacles reach into every part of a person's life, from their ability to work, their ability to relate to...

[nikhilvishnoi]

This was tremendously helpful. I am currently undergoing therapy and instead of dealing with my past all the time I'll focus on getting to action plans and actually doing those actions instead of just ruminating more and more. Again, thank you for undertaking this podcast, it really helps.

[MR-prtp]

I discovered Dr Yapko on another YouTube. This is exactly what I needed and definitely a better understanding of depression. How can you deal with an issue if you don't understand it?
I purchased one of Dr. Yapko's books already and will continue to buy more. His advice and communication skills, his explanation of depression is extremely helpful but most of all "hopeful". What is better than getting your information from a Dr. of psychology versus some individual with hype and with out evidence and practice. For me this is the best!

[scotscub]

Some great points. But, heres some of mine as a person who has had shock therapy.

Just because you think it doesnt mean its true, yes but its still painful as hell!

Also "Depressed people arent fun? Robin Williams, Marlyn Monroe, Spike Mulligan, Paul Merton, my friend who took her own life or me being hilarious when Im having suicidal thoughts inside!"

Sometimes forcing yourself to do things only re-enforces and proves the fact that you can't enjoy things like you used to. It feeds off itself and often robs you of the qualities you need to get yourself out of it.

"How much suffering does a person have to experience before they change " There are people who try 100% to recover and dont. Which again re enforces the hopelessness. I do 2 hrs meditation a day or i cant function at all.

[Benny.]

You know how hard it is to find a good therapist that you can connect with or is any good.?!even that is a struggle that puts you in a tailspin thinking you’ll never get help.

[vickilynn]

Life and our isolating culture are often disempowering. Most ppl don't get to choose a fulfilling ob, they have to take what they can get. And women in particular are disempowered financially in relationships and lack choices. This is not passivity, just reality for so many

[azurelynx]

This was an awesome presentarion Niel👍🏾. Your experienced & learned guest Dr Yapco, taught me so many skills for a more peaceful and productive life, through your interview. The poscast has also given me defined clinical labels for the behaviours I experience in my own life... Rumination, Attributional Style among others.
I have benefitted significantly and will definitely share the love (Cognitive Behavioural Theraphy). Thanks again. Paul Harris... Jamaica West Indies 🇯🇲

[Burger]

Find this so relevant and concise!! He nails it

[Onlinesully]

I didn't listen to all of this talk.
But I listened to a few pieces
My personal experience on experiencing horrendous trauma and loss was that close friends and family just wanted to send me to the doctor to resolve it all.
I really needed their help with the real losses and consequences.

I found it frightening how quickly I collapsed and more frightening how fast people very close to me said "it's ok not to be ok, and there's lots of help out there" which translated to the doctor will make you better.

[carolkotcheck]

I just started reading his book ( found in a free library box) about families and depression, and it concerns me. He’s seeming to say that adults, looking back at childhood traumas, should think that their memories are just projected by them, , just due to their own “personalities” that everything was “ambiguous “. Because, he points out, different kids have different memories of the same family upbringings. It’s the way kids THINK about a parents sex abuse, say, not the sex abuse done o them, itself. I’m using such an extreme issue to point out the flaws, I feel, of his take on how family systems can help make depression happen. He insists that no one is a victim, but that it’s kids fault that they may nor be a “good fit” for the personalities who bring them into the world. Of course we can all work on ourselves as adults, but his idea that it’s children’s “projections onto ambiguity “ that cause a persons makeup, seems hypocritical. Two kids can have different memories for the simple reason that they’re treated differently, hello? He’s bending over backwards to “not blame parents”, even if the worst happens and I feel like I need a shower after reading this. In no way are kids “getting it wrong:, or “projecting their personality traits” onto what parents do to them. Some one in therapy reading this, trying to work on themselves and go forward, would be undone if they read this dangerous drivel. Facts are facts, they’re not made up, “ambiguous projections” or in any way their fault. Shame on this manipulative quack.

[kimberlysmithcarlson]

Amazing discussion with some really wonderful applications and real-life strategies to overcome depression personally and interpersonally! Thank you :)

[camilo]

Depression is contagious, what a great book.

[reg]

There is always a reason I've gone thru nearly 50 years of abuse abuse by my parent abuse by abuser parrner i met and he brainwashed my kids to hate me not listen to me a further 20 years i still feel terror to this day what was done to me as a person its not how a person learns to cope there is only so much a person's mind can take and i would be considered a strong person

[jobeoffice]

Highly valuable information consolidated into a short interview. In addition to this, listen to his video
HOW TO PREVENT DEPRESSION

[dianasasina]

My fear of offering
" Correction " isn't because He Might Get Angry but be completely Ignored ALSO so why try again and again and again
KNOWING the consistent response over the last 50 controlled years ...
I guess My "Risk
Factors " for Clinical
Suicidal Depression
would be Being In A Very Long Term Mentally, Emotionally,
Psychologically,
Financially Abusive Marriage

[cetinmetin]

We have a brain between two ears.
I think about the meaning of the brain being between the two ears and the proximity of the ears to the brain...
Right behind our two eyes is our brain.
The effects of sounds and images on the brain may be more effective than oral medications.
Since humans are a part of nature, the sounds and colors of nature should be more effective than drugs in curing mental illness.
The sound of water, the sound of birds, the sound of wind.
The city noise has taken all these good things away from us.
Bird nests are circular and in layers.
Our brain and intestines are circular and layered.
Our ears are circular.
The inner ear is circular and in layers.
When you throw a stone into the lake, the water expands circularly in layers.

[ramabalaji]

After listening to this session, I don’t need to go to the therapist . Took notes and clear steps to follow. Basically just be smart, be conscious, don’t believe all your thinking and feeling, use your logical mind not feelings, stay away from things that drive your reaction, just stay away from trouble. Let the past go . Don’t ruminate. So if you are depressed, you are being stupid ! Sorry

[terrymalone]

Can't go on, can't move on, stuck here

[montesa]

Psychotherapy is not covered by medical insurance. How many people can afford the cost, energy, and years of time involved? Ever tried shopping for a therapist when you have Severe Chronic Major Depression? It's not possible to muster that much energy or motivation.

[aquadisiak]

Really found your information extremely valuable. Excellent delivery easy to understand an excellent voice. Is it possible to change your hairstyle?

[t.c.s.]

Way too many commercials. Impossible to watch.