How to handle friends who don’t support your goals and dreams

I don’t think confronting them is the answer…

[eonorez]

Marie i gotta say i have seen dozens and dozens of your videos, As a guy - Your videos have been extremely helpful navigating the social life. Thanks for your work, We really appreciate it!

[GoodKarma]

Hey Marie, this year has been a year of transformation for me. I’ve just recently ended another friendship. She like me when I was the down & out - She in those times became Uber supportive.

But any success she would give the side eye or try to minimize my success, I called her on it and she apologized but didn’t talked to me for 7 months. She popped back in my life and spent time in my house and was negative, gave me the side-eye, complained and poo/poo my accomplishments- I had enough and ended the friendship the next day. I was done!! Some people you can’t take with you when you level up.

[glennrobinson]

Friends can be fickle. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

[_liamleon_]

I've had experiences with this and this advice is spot on! If you're able to visualize your hopes and dreams and can dedicate part of your life to achieving them you're an incredibly fortunate person. These people cannot see these dreams, that path simply is not in their view. So when you try to get them to walk part of the path with you, they're actually just walking on the grass beside you, ready to trail back off when the conversation is over.
That path to success is long and hard, and be prepared to walk it alone.

[seaglasscolor]

These people (who don’t cheer you on) are just not happy within themselves. And as you say, they don’t have the creativity and courage to aim for the stars, and can be threatened by those who do.

[saran]

Appreciate you Marie. Your facial expressions are what we feel internally when dealing with people. Thanks for the navigation tips, as always.

[AlbumLeViola]

never talk about GOALS, EVER!!!! EVER!!!! keep it to urself forever

[yujibell]

I love how sincere you come across your videos. I have a weird situation with a friend whom I always feel on eggshells with. I frequently feel quietly judged by her for not being up to her unsaid standards. Once I talked about stress at work once and she abruptly cut me off saying "Do you guys know of any people who are actually happy?". Our mutual friend confided in me later how unpleasant she was that day and I realized how horribly she treated both of us. She would also rant about the guys in her life she finds weird and how they are bad people who always compare her with other women, but when we do the same about the strange guys we encounter, she's the first one to jump up and defend those guys like she's a saintess accepting of all. She also constantly brings up friends I don't know and tries to make us feel like extras in her life. If I talk about my worries, I'm judgmental and negative while she complains about everyone day and night and never expects us to disagree. Also, whenever I try to provide her with job listings to well paying jobs in her domain, she dismisses them and then complains about her minimum wage job and wasted marketing degree. I don't know how to deal with this friend and while I want to keep supporting her, I feel terrible more often than not.

[Jenekks]

Great video Marie, I have a friend who can come off very bragadocious about herself and her accomplishments and how everybody compliments and appreciates her. Sometimes I don't respond much because she can get over the top. Early in our friendship I used to be in awe of her but it kind of got old. She just doesn't always seem sincere or down to earth.

That is to say I am always happy for my friends' accomplishments and often tell them so. But it's those ones that brag and show off about their accomplishments, that I find it really hard to congratulate. In some instances it is forced and I just say "good for you". But, like another person here posted, I don't share my goals with others, but once in a while I will share that I reached a goal depending on the context of the conversation. I believe the wiser (older) we get the more we learn about boundaries and discretion on what we choose to share or not share, and that is a good thing. I often try to figure out how to communicate and respond to things with friends to keep a good relationhship going.

I also wanted to mention that I have to turn my sound way up and it still sounds very quiet so wonder if using a mic during your recording might help? It might also help with the lack of acoustics that are reverberating and bouncing off the surfaces when you speak. Just a thought...

[novelist]

I used to feel very hurt from unsupportive friends and family members. So I quit talking to people about my dreams.

[MsActor]

I found that what most unsupportive people are fundamentally afraid of is that they’re going to lose a friend or a family member in the process. I’ve heard comments like “why are you spending time doing that, are you broke or something?” What they really mean is “you’re not going to be here for me that much anymore”.

I’ve been on the other side when I had to question someone’s goals. She was a friend of 16+ years. She had a tremendous amount of debt, her husband wasn’t earning a lot of money and had children from other relationships plus they had a son together. She wanted to go back to college full time to study for another degree. I told her that I thought it was great that she wanted to study again, but I thought she couldn’t go back full time. I also knew she had a bad habit of starting and not completing things and it would put another stressor on her marriage.

[Prettydee]

Great job with your videos😁 they have truly help me to grow into a better and mature person! Thank you for your wonderful advice! And getting straight to the point.

[Mossy-Rock]

Thank you for this video! I've been dealing with this issue for the past few years with my friends and what I'm finding is that the more divergent your goals and dreams are from the mainstream, the less supportive they are because they can't wrap their heads around it. Most people have limited or no exposure to things that are outside of the mainstream/pop culture so they find little to no value in it.

Take my example: Over the past several years my preferences in music has shifted dramatically while my friends' tastes have remained static. I've shifted to the metal genre of music (especially the European folk metal sub-genre) due to how monotonous, shallow and banal my previous genres have become. While this alone has caused me to lose friends (yes, it's true - there are unfair stereotypes in play here) I have now become interested in the ancient instruments this sub-genre utilizes, like the hurdy gurdy. I bought one and my goal is to learn it and play it well. Now, how many people can relate to that? Not many. So I don't judge them any longer for their blank stares. I focus now on the few people who can give me support and encouragement.

So my mantra is now "follow your passions whether people get them or not."

[ChooseLoveToday]

Closing in on 100k one day 1 mil+. Thanks for the content.

[jjrrhh]

Can't ever get enough of hearing your excellent advice Marie!! Thank you so much!!! Have a great Wednesday!! 😊☀👍

[awill]

Anything I tell a friend... she gives me all the reasons why it won't work or she'll question why I'm doing that or express her doubt. I have had to distance myself. She's unhappy with her life which she's expressed and is in therapy but her toxicity is affecting me in a negative way. I don't need it. I don't want it.

[talkinnmedia]

I like watching your videos. You make me feel like we're sitting around chatting as good friends.❤

[youtubealiasoriginal]

Good advice as always. Also very nice interior design 👍

[legendsthatlast]

I have a "friend" who use to do this... I was trying to relocate to Dallas Texas in 2020 and I did, but when I got there I changed my mind and decided to eventually come back home to figure things out.
Now I noticed as of lately since I been back in college, everytime I tell her something I am interested in, she would say something on the lines of this.
Me: I am planning on transferring to this University.
Old Friend: Have you ever thought about going to U OF M, of MSU?
Me: I want to get a LPC or a LMS eventually.
Old Friend: Have you ever thought about being a Speech Pathologist or something else?
It is like everytime I say I want to do this or that, she always try to change what I want to do, and put a higher roll or something different?
In the past she use to do this, but since we been communicating back recently, I have been feeling kind of off when she does this.


I could even be voluenteering for job shadowing hours, or do work for a practicum or anything and she would be like,
"Have you thought about doing x, y, z instead?"

[teeganohara]

I have a friend that constantly asks me to hang out despite me stating that I am working towards a goal & self care more. It is almost like she wants me to be there for her & her family constantly & just forget about my life & dreams. I work every day & rarely have a lot of me time although I am single. I am at a point where I am tired of feeling like my life is about supporting others & not about having time for my life or dreams. How do you handle a friend like that? She also tries to renegotiate my “no” & at one point tried to tell me what my self care should involve which was hanging out with her & her family.