'Twas The War On Christmas

This poem is our tribute to the fallen heroes in the War on Christmas. Go forth and win the culture war, Christian soldiers!

Written by Ethan Nicolle
Read by Dave DeAndrea

Full poem:

'Twas the night before Christmas; the battle was waged,
This holiday was not all-inclusive, they raged.
Landmines were buried under piles of snow,
Waiting for orthodox statements of faith; then, they'd blow.
Christian soldiers lay traumatized, half of them dead,
As visions of Starbucks cups flashed in their heads.
On a Satanic banner of blasphemous disgrace,
They took Christ out of Christmas, put an X in his place.
Nativity scenes, now scenes of horror and destruction,
And the ACLU's onslaught of liberal corruption.
They tore down their green and red decorations,
Replaced them with rainbow flags -- Oh, what devastation!
But out of the smoldering wreckage and despair,
Came a marmalade glow with a halo of hair.
Have hope, Chrisitan soldier! Be of good cheer!
They can't take away Christmas; no, not this year.
They can take down the trees, silence our songs,
But there, in the White House, a warrior stands strong.
A president eternal, Trump, stands in their way.
The War on Christmas isn't over -- no, not today!

[RandR-ulkm]

The Bee’s best work yet! Merry Christmas!

[teawizardry]

I am sick so my laughter is actually just wheezing

[mithridates]

Technically, Christ is still in 'X-mas' because He's still represented in the 'X'. That's the first letter in the Greek name for 'Christ' (Χρηστός). It's also why soldiers of the Eastern Roman Empire adorned shields with the 'XP' on it, and a symbol that's still used and recognised in many churches today.

[jupitard]

Merry Christmas Babylon Bee, thanks for making 2019 almost tolerable.

[igfoobar]

All praise to Jesus Christ and, of course, God bless President Trump.

[leonardking]

This video should have had thousands of views by now. Maybe next Christmas?

[Yeetypete]

This sounds like the opening cutscene of a triple a game

[lizskywalker]

What I really want to see now is a full Ken Burns style War on Christmas Mockumentary.

[fluffybunny]

Merry Christmas and a honey new year you wonderful funny bee journalists

[khetch]

WOW! Thank YOU! speak the truth! There is hope... and hoping for more such future vids...

[fqehjzu]

I came back this Christmas season to see if Satan I mean Santa tried to take this video down

[bitsiebubblebee]

Merry Christmas & God Bless President Trump!

[Charles.Wright]

In Christ there is neither male nor female, jew nor Greek, liberal nor conservative.

Merry Xmas everyone!

[jamesbehrje]

The X in X-mas is actually a ancient symbol of the cross in early Christianity when the Christians were under persecution in Rome. They used the symbol X as a symbol to communicate with other Christians!!!

[tsuchang]

Still good this year. Marmalade, that's funny.

[KingslayerGaming-kwkr]

The narrator sounds like General Shepard from Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.

[fwMMVII]

0:55 : Wait, why is that Hanukkiah there? Hanukkah isn't replacing Christmas or anything.
Am I reading too much into this?

[bluesoviet]

This was the most unhinged shit I've ever seen. Happy holidays, chuckle nuts.

[Commando_raptor]

Is it bad I kinda wanna buy an m50 ontos

[RabidRabbit]

Hahahaha 😂 I'm treating this as satire but it's a scary thought that some actually think like this. Merry Christmas, everyone:)