An Alternative to Painful Divorce, How to Consciously Uncouple | Vishen Lakhiani

How do you end a relationship on good terms? It is undoubtedly a question that has plagued the minds of many. The end of a romantic relationship however doesn't necessarily mean pain and suffering ensues, with human consciousness evolving so is the way we deal with life's challenges.

In this talk from Mindvalley Reunion 2019, Vishen Lakhiani discusses the alternative couples have when they decide together that the relationship has come to an end.

After 19 years together Vishen and his wife decided to consciously uncouple and divorce. They also chose to redefine divorce. Divorce, a word that creates so much negative emotion in so many. Rather than a usual divorce they went through the Conscious Uncoupling process, the method popularised in Katherine Woodward Thomas’ book of the same name. In this video, Vishen lays himself raw and open like never before to talk about facing this moment in his life.

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[MindvalleyTalks]

What was the biggest lesson you learned after a break up with someone? Share your thoughts, we'd love to hear them 😃

[NatalieKita]

My ex husband and I live 4 houses away from each other. We love and care for each other and always will. As we told our children when we split, "we just don't love each other exactly the way a husband and wife are supposed to love each other." We co-parent beautifully. We are, and always will be, family to each other. We will always have each other's backs. I am friends with his partner, and he is friends with mine. We all do holidays and family celebrations together. This seems "weird" to so many other people I meet. My kids are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. I don't buy into the BRULES. My children are better off for our marriage ending. We are still a family. Nothing can change that. I admire your honesty, vulnerability, and commitment to living authentically.

[aworlds]

The biggest lesson I learned after my divorce was that we were only supposed to be friends. A lot of times we imprint with people b/c of our pain and trauma and call it Love. We supported one another through many difficult times and understood one another. But that too, is friendship. Conditioning made us believe it had to be more. Now I know better and I love better.

[deborahmousseau]

My partner and I broke our 25 year relationship in Love. The feeling was natural and mutual. We knew and felt it in our core, that our time together (as a couple) had ended. During the time of packing everything up we never fought about money or assets, we just shared as to what was needed for each of us. We supported each other then and remain supportive now, 8 years later.

[janetf]

There isn’t such a thing as “forever”, we cross paths for a reason, and when we have learned the lesson we move on. Respect to the way you two are handling it with consideration to your children and each other. Wish both of you love and happiness

[koroglurustem]

From the video Vishen looks sad, the expression on his face..who wouldn't be?! But the way these handled it, is a lesson for all.

[karyartdigital]

Vishen's body language told a different story when they announced the unwedding. Love is responsibility as well. It's just feelings.

[dubswifeable]

Vishen You have no idea how timely this video was for my life and how much your transparency has blessed me.

[inder]

Love is freedom, it takes guts to fight for it and still the love doesn't end.

[fayepatrice]

To be honest, this news did not come a surprise. My sympathies, because the end of a marriage can be incredibly painful. However, MindValley strongly encourages developing intuition, and my intuition told me more than a year ago that the end was near. I wish you both continued peace and happiness on your journeys.

[theegreatestever]

Absolutely love this and how they are using their story as a way to teach others to not force themselves to stay on where there is "no life" left!

[beckybrynjolfsson]

People are NOT possessions. Vishen is so great because he knows that. I divorced. I left my narcissistic psychopathic xhusband in 1998. Other people tried to force me to go back to him. I went back to him briefly making it abundantly clear I only did so to be next to the kids. I left him again quickly. I did all the legal work on my own to get the divorce. It was a complete nightmare. That man would not leave me alone. I started listening to Vishen and watching him and his people again. I am happy, single and looking for someone new. Thanks Vishen for your support. I received a video on business. I just launched my own affiliate marketing business recently. How did you know? 🤔 Algorithms are great!

[Craftgirly]

The bottomline is you weren’t soulmates or you would still want to be married. I think to be okay with walking away from a marriage, quite frankly you didn’t have an amazing relationship/ connection in the first place or you would be fighting for it and each other. A lot of people get involved and end up being in long term relationships out of connivence and fear of moving on. I agree those type of relationships are better ended, freeing one another to go on and find their true love. My husband feels it was Kristina who was wanting this, looking at both your body language in that six minute clip. Of course sometimes, it’s also the case where there is deep love which is one sided and they have to walk because the spouse is out of balance with his life ie workaholic who isn’t present in the relationship or someone who is an alcoholic, gambler etc. As for your relationship, I get the feeling there is something off, that is missing from the story. I think it’s also a bit naive to think you will automatically remain best friends, it’s too early to say. Wait to one or both of you start dating other people, that’s going to bring up a whole lot of pain. When either of you find a serious partner, they might not be happy that your ex is your best friend, instead of them. In today’s throw-away society it’s easier than ever to divorced. There are still however marriages that last forever, it’s not always easy, it’s hard work but their love for one another and the thought of being parted is what keeps them hanging in there. Of on the other hand, you are just cruising in your marriage. Yeah, maybe it’s not such a risk to throw away 16 years and just move on to the next person. However, some people take a long relationship for granted and it’s only after they move on, they regret it. I know of someone who walked a way from a long term marriage and while the ex wife is very happily married to someone else, he never got over her and has had another two failed marriages since. I think what you and Kristina are trying to present to everyone is not the normal reality of relationships. This whole unconscious coupling based on a Hollywood divorce ( since when do celebrities live in the real world or know what a normal life is?) is rather dangerous ideology.

[CMoore]

This is a Beautiful Concept that a couple can be honest enough with one another to admit that the marriage is really over, and allow a Beautiful Friendship to continue.♥️
More people need to learn to work together to keep their friendship, instead of allowing attorneys and courts to run Everything. Honesty is Always the best policy.

[keshav_p]

I just love how genuine he is..and pure minded..both of them ofcourse! I too have Aspergers..and have ended a 1.5 year long relationship on a happy note just like this.. being 21 year old..I find myself soo much in sync based on what he said..
I am aiming for getting to Mindvalley and just LOVE ALL SERVE ALL .. bringing impact planing the role that universe wants me to💖

[InPoweredByCyndi]

This is SUCH a beautiful thing!! What an amazing success!! A successful marriage should never be defined by 'years together'!!

[HangingWithNasyaCarter]

Everyone is like aww this is beautiful and blah blah blah am I the only one who feels like this is sad

[HIGHLANDER_ONLY_ONE]

I learned that just because we stop loving each other passionately, it doesn't mean that anyone is bad, or we stop loving our ex partners wholly. I still live my ex husband now like a cousin. There's no need for hate. It's actually strange to me that divorces are so ugly. After my parents got divorced, my dad continued to visit my mom's house on Sundays, to have soup, even after she remarried. In my culture we have a hearthy soup on Sundays...

[VS]

If only every separation & divorce was this mature!

[ozlemevadavis]

“Love is a Decision” by Gary Smalley and John Trent would be a good book to read and apply before finalizing the conscious coupling decision. I happen to think that love is not a feeling but a decision. All of us have times or periods in our lives when we “act unlovable” or when we feel like love has faded. I think the ones make it for the long term are the ones that “decide” to love each other when the other one is going through a period of not being so lovable.