Emma Johnson: Equal Custody Works, Child Support Doesn’t

I sat down with Emma Johnson, author of "The 50/50 Solution," to discuss her advocacy for equal custody as the default in divorce. In most states, family courts try to determine the “best interest of the child,” incentivizing parents to portray one another as threatening or neglectful. Emma argues that the child support system perpetuates gender inequality and undermines parental rights, particularly disadvantaging dads. Although legal reform has only begun in a few states, she is optimistic that a significant cultural shift is underway, with more couples than ever voluntarily pursuing equal custody and establishing new norms around divorce. Drawing from her personal experiences with divorce and single motherhood, Emma offers practical advice for amicable co-parenting, ensuring that children maintain strong relationships with both parents after divorce.

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Outline:
[0:00] How Emma discovered the 50/50 divorce
[11:11] Old feminists don’t want to accept that dads matter
[20:34] Family law incentivizes unnecessary conflict
[25:33] Welfare and child support complicate the situation
[33:16] Divorce norms are starting to fix themselves
[39:52] Does making divorce more civilized incentivize divorce?
[47:14] You can’t over-parent in a 50/50 divorce
[56:16] Can we counter the red-pill anti-marriage push?
[1:04:12] How divorce equality helps working class families
[1:14:50] It’s better to roll with the punches than seek out conflict
[1:18:49] Is “sacrifice” the right way to think about parenting?
[1:29:04] Men and women are different but can parent equally
[1:37:28] It’s hard to not think in stereotypes, even if you try
[1:42:42] You don’t need good policy if you have good culture

Dad Saves America explores the philosophies and practical steps we need to raise capable, curious, independent adults ready to thrive in a virtuous free society... and want to keep it that way.

We’ve had many experts in the studio, including Jonathan Haidt, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Troy Kotsur, John Mackey, Ben Askren, and Adam Carolla.

#feminism #divorce #familycourt

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[Onetruth]

6:16 ummm no. Staying married and raising your children under one roof is the best scenario. Not, 50/50.

[Olamchesed]

Children should have contact with both parents. They also need for the parents to work on being Peaceful instead of Angry. Anger is what causes the most trauma. Parents need to put their child's feelings first and try to be peaceful with each other.

[LibertyOrDeath]

I don't think she realizes how "pro divorce" a lot of this conversation comes off.

[spuddastewart]

The whole conversation she flipped back and fourth depending on what benefited her beliefs or situation. If you can’t step back and talk with facts or logic you should be in no position to write books or talk to the matter. Holding onto her feminist beliefs is the main driver behind that, you can hear her victim mentality every time she was challenged.

[gjmottet]

As a child of divorce that experienced 50/50, 80/20, and sole custody, I call bull. A stable home is more important than the relationship with one of the a sucky parents that could not keep their marriage together. My parents HATED each other and fought in family court for a decade over my custody. They started as 50/50 while they lived in the same town - last 6 months and resulted in fights every time they saw each other and I hated moving back and forth. Never knowing where I was going to sleep day to day was depressing. Since they could not work together when married, 50/50 poured oil on the fire because it made them need to talk to each other regularly. My dad moved out of state and got 80% custody - I was with him in the school year and school breaks sent to my mother. It was more stable so sucked less than 50/50, but my bio-mother was an a$$hole making me dread school breaks and flying from one state to another every few months was extremely disruptive. I hated my life until being in sole custody of my dad for a few years and I had a chance to live in one place long enough to catch my breath and make social connection to my community. My childhood sucked, but having a stable home in high school was the only part I have some good memories of. My dad was the better parent and I am thankful family court put me in sole custody. It might have cost me a relationship with my mother, but she was mean and unstable enough that it was worth the loss.

If parents don't hate each other, then why are they getting a divorce? If they can actually talk to each other well enough for 50/50 to work then why are they splitting up? Get couples therapy and make it work, if that does not work put the kids in sole custody of the better parent without alimony or child support, just a lump sum from the marriage at one time so the fight ends there and the kids can't be up in the middle of the fight.

[Bostronix]

Mothers can choose to be an active parent; it cost me four years and half a million dollars in attorney fees to get 50/50.

[Mumumama]

It’s a delusion to think 50/50 is possible with a toxic co-parent. Not is all cases is this the best option. This idea has caused me to try too long, to make the marriage work, to support him after divorce, so he could be in our children’s lives. Now he is gone, our children are finally at ease, relaxed, not having to fear the abuse from the other parent. I think it’s time to stop standards and truly look at what’s in the best interest of the child. The rights of the parents come second to the well-being of the child.

[unknown]

Has this woman walked in the shoes she'd like children to wear? Two parents are best, but a stable home base is essential. I speak from experience with my own parents divorced from age 4.

[Belzediel]

Which parent is needed more changes as the child(ren) age. Mothers are far more important whilst the child(ren) need heavy logistic support. Fathers become much more important than mothers when that child(ren) needs to become independently capable, and to find their place in society. As that stage changes, in leaps and surges, over time, in an individual pattern, the roles of the parents also must adjust. Prior to the change, the father's main job is to take care of everything BUT the child(ren), to support the mother so she can do her job. After the flip, mum's job is to look away and not interfere.

Basically.

Children never have to work to earn their mother's respect, but they damn well do to get their father's, and both parts of that are useful.

In the end, the big thing, don't fuck someone you're not willing to commit to a life-long dependency with.

[haroldsprague]

My ex-wife and I divorced in 2002. At that time, we had 3 children aged 15, 13, and 10. I supported my ex to obtain her RN. My ex was addicted to drugs. I still was required to have shared custody. Our shared debt at the time was $80k of which I had 100% responsibility. My ex had no job so it was up to me to raise 3 children and financially support my ex according to the court. My youngest followed his mother who got him addicted to drugs. My youngest son died in 2015, and my ex-wife died from drugs in 2022. I had too high of a salary to have any support. The financial situation was difficult, but I was able to pay off the debt. I could not keep my son away from his mother and the drugs. I had NO resources. My oldest 2 were successful, but I could not save my son.

[brianshea]

Great conversation. Children deserve and need their fathers in their lives as much as their mothers. Ideally that happens within a stable, healthly..dare I say, sacramental marriage. I understand your pushback about what marriages should be about but her more secular, pragmatic and modern perspective is honest about living in the world where marriages failed but children Still Need Both Parents. She is holding Women accountable for what should happen for the sake of children even if woman may lose leverage.

[OrigenisAdamantios]

Thank you. It’s usually the attorneys who create the unnecessary swirling. I often wonder if these attorneys in family court are not suffering from some sort of PTSD.

[bumpercoach]

2 things to stop
incentivizing divorce
-- Kids get the house
and parents rotate
-- NO non-parent
adult partners of any
duration in the house
with the kids since
multi 1000% more
likely to abuse

[johnkrstyen]

18:40 New dad is dad while old dad is memory holed.

Sounds like my divorce. After 17 years i was out and replaced in 5 weeks.

[stars]

It's difficult. while they need both mom and dad, kids also need a stable home. Maybe they can switch off every Month. Or live in One place, while the other Parent visits sometimes and goes out with the kids. This way, the kids have one home, but still have contact with both parents.
It's also important that a couple try to respect each other for the child's sake.
I agree about that society has made it that a man's alimony is more important than his presence. People say men don't care, while Not giving them a chance to care.

[robertherriges]

When she says "old ideas about gender" you should hear "time-tested ideas about sex". She us trying to justify and rationalize her own past mistakes.

[Bostronix]

She doesn’t understand the reality of family courts

[trailertrish]

I solved the problem by not having kids at all

[randersen]

very well, but then divorced parents should be forced to live within 30 min of eachother, so the children doesnt have a 2 schools friend groups etc.