INFJ Males and White Knight Syndrome

Male INFJ personality types have strong protector energy in their makeup, and they find it natural to want to protect their loves ones, those they care about, and anyone who is oppressed or in need, or in crisis. This is a quality that comes from the “light masculine,” which is the side of the masculine that includes positive traits such as generosity, leadership, and working for the good of the community.

However, because male INFJs have such strong protector energy, they tend to be attracted to people who embody the Damsel-in-Distress archetype, which can be embodied by both males and females. This kind of archetype activates the White Knight archetypal energy in the INFJ male and it’s very easy for them to then fall into becoming the rescuer within a dysfunctional relationship dynamic. Although the Damsel-in-Distress begins as a disempowered archetype, the main goal of this archetype is to work toward empowerment in an independent way. Ultimately, they are seeking to save themselves, instead of being saved over and over again by someone else. Once healed of their pattern of disempowerment, they will often leave the White Knight who helped them.

The White Knight archetype also attracts the archetype of the Femme Fatale, who then makes the White Knight her victim. The archetypal energy of the Femme Fatale can be manipulative and cunning, and switch rapidly back and forth between hot and cold. The Femme Fatale is also known for being emotionally shut down, and will easily abandon relationships without feeling emotional about it at all. It is at this point that the INFJ male with White Knight energy feels duped or fooled, and greatly taken advantage of by the person who was embodying the Femme Fatale.

These types of relationships can be deeply hurtful to INFJ males, and they can also develop into a pattern that repeats throughout every romantic relationship.

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[RobertLloyd-cp]

Lauren is spot on, speaking from INFJ experience. Hence I have been in "monk" mode for 30+ years. I would rather be outside at 1am, in 20 degree weather with my 8" telescope for deep sky astrophotography, hiking alone to photograph a waterfall, or home brewing a new abbey ale, than meeting women in todays toxic dating culture. I have meet/known damsels in distress, entitled princesses, femme fatales, covert narcissists, gold diggers simple question for the ladies is -- what value are you adding to my life?? so far --- none....sorry ladies, but the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. My peace and quiet is my #1 goal...

[rjsimpkins]

I destroyed my life before I figured it out, but I now rarely put on my cape to be Captain Saveahoe.

[MrGadfly]

The sooner you can do this the better. I am 65 and an INFJ. I was very definitely a White Knight type. I had a tumultuous relationship with a woman who became my wife. She vasilated between femme fatale and damsel in distress. After we had our son she really manifested being the femme fatale. When my son was13 she said she had enough us and we moved into a house that were two houses put together. She in one side with her mother me and my son on the other. It has been tumultuous and I has to work hard to repair the relationship between my wife and son. Eventually we got a divorce as my wife feared she'd be responsible for medical care. My son is now 25 and still lives with me. He has a lot of social anxiety although he's quite the charming fellow and very useful at his job. It's amazing how one's life can be sucked away merely by trying to save someone else.

[stuwilldoo]

i fell for this badly when younger. Understanding not till years later she was a narc. She reeled me in with her sob story of being abused when she was younger, and i fell for it big time. And ive paid for it for my adult children are now alienated because of her. I learnt to never ever go down that road again, no matter how much i want to help people, I will always have that guard up and be weary. It really changed who I am as I now come across as somewhat aloof, cold.

[korinhubbert]

This was very informative thank you kindly. I am an INFJ female however I can totally relate to dealing with these types of men in the past.

[renosance]

I recognize this in my younger self (late teens, early twenties), and very glad to be getting over this. I'm not here to save anyone, or "fix" anyone. I don't owe them, and they don't "need" that from me. I'm not here to get trapped in toxicity while trying to be a savior. That's not my responsibility.

[Derek_OHara]

I tried to save the woman I married and had children with. I wanted to be the best husband and father possible. This led to being taken advantage of and divorced. Now I’m my own white knight, protecting myself.

[Clevelandsteamer]

Don’t save her, she don’t want to be saved

[JJBushfan]

No disrespect to you at all, but I switched this off after seven minutes. You told the story of a major part of my life. You said it all perfectly (even to the fact that the damsel in distress eventually found her own way into a position of strength at which point I became redundant.) You're quite the eye opener.

[Reindeer]

With all the romance scammers and catfishers on social media, I've become immune to those tricks. If anything I've gotten to the point I can be pretty brutal on people who try to guilt-trip me or emotionally try to manipulate me including instant doorslams and emotionally ripping them apart.

[sittingstill]

I’ve had women in crisis around me for multiple decades now. Only a couple of said crises were actually genuine, the rest were just trying to take advantage of me or what little I possess. There are decent women out there but they’re very rare, maybe 1 in 1000.

[chmeditations]

An ounce of prevention saves years of pain. Thank you!

[jbferguson]

INFP, but I have experienced what you describe, especially with Femme Fatales. Mainly during my 20s. I attracted narcissistic women like a magnet. Recently remarried after 8 years of dating while living apart. Best relationship I've ever been in. She is ISFP., we are alike in some ways and opposite in others and that's ok.

[charliescott]

I've been trying to rescue people my whole life, 65 years.
Most people have no desire to be rescued.
My own mother was a never ending Damsel in Destress.

[AndreNash-mrxf]

You just described the last 11 months of my life. You know exactly what you are talking about. Are you a Dr? I'm subscribed... None of what you said was guess work... I swear it's like you were right here watching us the entire time. Subscribed

[LindaChapman-uc]

TY so much. You just built a bridge to help me understand these 2 archetypes that are my 2 grandson's moms. My son is trapped in the White Knight Syndrome archetype due to stressors of his single Dad life after our bizarre Trauma Survivor family history. We tried to find appropriate Family Therapist for a Trauma Survivor family of Virgos & it blew up in our face. TY so much for sharing what you've learned!🤔🙏💚🙏👼

[armanddimeo]

I am actually an ENFP but I feel that many of these characteristics apply to me. I am actually close to the middle on E/I (ambivert) and have many introvert characteristics. I have been in relationships with both Damsels in Distress and Femmes Fatale. I have been told by therapists that I need a woman who is "steady" and consistent but have not been able to find one despite years of therapy.

[WalkerHornung]

thanks Lauren for the understanding and comfort your insight brings....this absolutely grounded me.

[gnosis]

Really good analysis. Had a relationship go like this but the moment she started disrespecting I left and ghosted for 3 months. We were mature enough to keep boundaries, have our own lives and see each other on the weekends once having a big meeting. We used our time to grow and mature and I was shocked how good the relationship became. I’m ready for a boring healthy relationship now.

[sammyThotha]

Thanks for, quiet literally explaining my last relationship