What to Say Instead of I’m Sorry

Do you say sorry? Like, a lot? No, I mean, a LOT? Learn what to say instead.

Ask me questions or suggest a topic!

CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Intro
00:10 - Why DO we apologise so much?
02:30 - What's a brain to do?
03:06 - Video Wrap Up & Outro

"The Show Must Be Go"
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

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[ddddaaaa]

This is such perfect pace. I wish everyone talked like that.

[sheasturgeon]

Having only being diagnosed with ADHD at the age of twenty-six, it's been very illuminating. I constantly fell into these pitfalls throughout my life, having no idea why, I would apologize REPEATEDLY in the hopes of undoing damage done. It will be a difficult transition from "sorry" to "thank you", but I don't want to diminish myself by apologizing for existing. Thank you!

[taylorjjb]

this video made me cry, no joke, i didnt even have control over it. I have been feeling so guilty lately for forgeting, or not completing, or "not caring" and my family, friends, and teachers have all been getting tired of my apologies, i have never used my ADHD as an excuse but they bring it up any way. i would say "im so sorry i didnt get home on time, it wont happen again!" and my parents would say "just because you have ADHD, doesnt mean you have any excuses!" and its just so tiring, ive been trying so hard to turn myself around, but its like the harder i try, the worse i become... and i just want to THANK YOU for making this video, its really going to help me alot.

[Teacuppe]

I don't have ADHD (my wife does) but I'm finding these videos really informative and thought provoking. So thank you for making them :)

[fnn]

Please don't stop making videos. These are perfect for me.

[samr]

This video literally made me start crying, not in a bad way though. This video showed me that I REALLY have ADHD, bad. I say sorry all the time for the mistakes that I make every single day. And this video told me how to fix my problems, and that its completely normal. Thank you so much for posting this <3

[redopti]

"You can only apologize for and expect not to repeat behavior that's intentional." Thank you so much for this sentence. You have changed my entire worldview and perception of myself. I'm making a poster of this for my bedroom.

[briannguyen]

Just missed a meeting with my boss the 3rd time in a row. This video is so accurate, from me apologizing to saying I'll do things to make sure it won't happen again....and then it happens again. It's so frustrating especially with a society where we have to be accountable for our actions regardless of our intentions. Thank you for this video.

[jordanharb]

I am on the verge of being fired from my job for apologizing for my ADHD. I never realized how negatively impactful saying sorry is. It is a self-sustaining cycle for me.


1. I get a task at work
2. Get distracted, procrastinate, literally forget what day of the week it is, or all of the above.
3. Apologize profusely and promise it won't happen again.
4. The guilt motivates me to do my tasks.... for a little bit.
5. ADHD strikes again.
6. Apologize again.
7. ADHD strikes even WORSE because now I feel awful for my uncontrollable executive dysfunction.
8. Repeat, and each time it repeats my shame increases, which makes me put it off more, fail to ask for help and put off telling my employer how behind I am.


Saying sorry is just making my executive dysfunction worse and making my employer frustrated. Saying thank you and being honest which solve so much of my problems!

[jillyfish]

Every one of your videos I watch just describes me so perfectly. I am 46 and was diagnosed last year in part due to your videos. I can't overstate the impact this condition has had on my life. I don't think ADD had even been studied or described as a condition when I was a child, and school was always a struggle for me. Life has always been a struggle. Thank you for the information and for making me feel like less of a catastrophe.

[lynziesteere]

I started crying and started texting my mom thanking her for everything after watching this because i always say sorry and yesterday she was so sick of me she wanted to send me away and make me move to my dad's house but didn't and she hasn't texted back yet but I feel like it will help so much thank you!

[christinecrowe]

Well this one made me cry. I'm trying to work on my ADHD behaviours! I had a late diagnosis, and have been struggling to figure out what's going on in my head for a while. I knew I was different. I figured it out when I started an education degree, but there was not a lot of advice, especially for women. I've been doing lots of self help and stumbled on your videos. Nice to hear it from a lady who truly understands. It's been more difficult as I've gotten older and become noticeably less neurotypical than my peers. It's good to remember to not always say you'll do better next time, because we might not. Better to say thanks for understanding. Sent this one to my longest friend as a thank you. Your videos have been real, optimistic and authentic. I'm enjoying watching the whole suite, probably in one go.

[vivientrepaknekiss]

Hey!, I am a 20-year-old girl that just recently discovered that i have ADHD. It seemed like every teacher i had knew, but noone ever told me or my parents, so they (and i too) thought i was a bit silly and forgetful, and clumsy, and too active, yet lazy and messy, and all that by nature, and that those all were my defects that i can change and i really tried, but only got really small results, so i was so relieved when we learnt about ADHD in uni and i kinda diagnosed it on myself (but the teacher who also has it and teached it said that it was surprising for her that not even a single person told me up til now that i have ADHD :D
All in all, i really enjoy your videos that i recently found ( about 2 hours ago and i almost watched over 20) and i am happy to learn about this from such a motivating speaker :)
keep on doing a great job ;) and thank you

[sirenofsound]

MIND BLOWN... PSHOOWWWW thank you so much for posting this video. I find myself apologizing on a DAILY basis for just being who I am. It's so lovely to know that I'm not the only one who deals with this.

[Sinclairelim]

I've had this problem for a long time, since i was a child. To solve it I did 2 things:

1) I started giving visual ques that I really was trying to do better, for example, reorganize by bedroom to make it easier to clean it, buying additonal trashcans to place around the house, placing alarms and reminders about. I didn't use them much, but they remined my family, and later my roomate, that I really was trying.

2) I demaned by family aknoweldge i have a disorder. ADHD denial is the worse part of the disorder, because it's a lot easier for my family and friends to accept a mistake I made when they also accept it's more dificult for me than for other people, while reasuring them that, despite the aditional dificulty, i'll continue trying until i get it right.

No. 2 helped me stop apologising, and it really made things better in my house, and with my friends.

[alexfolts]

I have adhd and I want to know if thinking out loud is a symptom because sometimes talk to nobody like I'm being interviewed on the show like Jimmy Fallon or something

[kozzybd]

I am late to school almost every day (even tho im 5 min away) and always struggel in mornings (waking up from lack of sleep and non stop getting sidetracked) and my parents now are punishing me for this because they say its my falt compleatly for consciously choosing to be late and not falling to sleep sooner even tho they know ive been diagnosed with adhd since late 2012, I've tried explaining to them that im not purposely being late or doing random stuff, not sleeping on time and stuff like that in general, but they say (and i quote) "dont blame this on ADHD its your falt" and to be clear ive only tried to explain that adhd makes things a lil tougher but they view this as me trying to use it as a cop out, please help me, i dont know how to tell them otherwise.

[meannedevilliers]

I was just diagnosed about a week and a half ago, and I just had my 31st Birthday, I have always known something was up with me but only after I decided to go back to school I realized it is really affecting life. I haven't been here long, but I must honestly admit that your content that I have seen to date has really made such a difference in my life, even if it just means that I understand myself a little better. Thanks for what you do, you are really making a huge difference in the world.

[alexy]

This video is life changing. I have ADHD and find myself saying sorry too often, so much so that some ask me why I'm apologizing. It's become my go to response when someone near me is anything but happy. I thank God that your channel showed up in my recommendations. I can't wait to fly through your whole library 😄

[avineshluckan]

I'm sitting in tears and watching your videos, so Thank You for opening my eyes to why my life is falling apart. My son is 9 and has been diagnosed with adhd and is on concerta and retalin LA. I myself have never been diagnosed with it, but I can identity with everything you say and life in general is a mess because of how I handle things. Thank you for opening up my mind and I'm grateful for the support you have given to others out there like myself...