Optimistic Parenting Strategies for Challenging Children

Dr. Mark Durand and I discuss optimistic parenting strategies for parents looking for help caring for their challenging children. Dr. Durand guides the audience through research-based evidence and techniques to help parents understand how impactful their thoughts and emotions are when parenting. Using his tools, parents learn to disrupt their negative thoughts and create positive ones geared to their needs and the needs of their children.

Dr. Durand is a professor of psychology at the University of South Florida St. Petersburg and author. Dr. Durand has received over $4 million in federal funding to study the nature, assessment, and treatment of behavior problems in children with disabilities. Before moving to Florida he served in a variety of leadership positions at the University at Albany, where he established the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities at the University at Albany, SUNY. He serves on a number of editorial boards, reviews for dozens of journals, and has over 100 publications on functional communication, educational programming, and behavior therapy. Dr. Durand has authored several books on addressing behavior challenges in children, including sleep issues. Dr. Durand developed a unique treatment for severe behavior problems that is currently mandated by states across the country and is used worldwide.

Episode Highlights:

Barriers of Optimism
* Thoughts like: “I have no control”, “I can’t do anything about this”, “I can’t help my child with their diagnosis”
* Often parents inflict themselves with heavy guilt and expectations in the way they parent which can lead to their own suffering
* When a parent feels they do not have control, it can lead to depression or anxiety

Expressing Gratitude
* Spending time refocusing by recognizing the things you are grateful for
Some practices to put in place
* Every night write down 3 good things that happened that day. It can even be as small as, “I got a good parking spot at the store”, or “I had a great talk with my friend.”
- Write a gratitude letter
- Pick someone you always wanted to thank and write them a letter
- Deliver the letter and be present while they read it and then process the rest
* Focusing on the things you are grateful for can actually make you feel better!

Practicing Awareness
* This could be in a diary form
* Pick a negative situation and write down what you were thinking and feeling while that was happening
* Negative: “I felt out of control.” “I think people were judging me.” “Why am I always the one responsible?”
* Then write down the positive situations and what you were thinking and feeling
* Be aware of the differences between the two situations!
* Often parents miss out on the positives by lying their focus on the negatives

Distraction Technique
* Come up with something that will distract you from the negative thoughts
* It could be something silly like a code word
* Something that allows you to disrupt a stressful or trying moment with your children and say, “This is bizarre, but we can deal with it.”

How You Feel About Yourself As a Parent
* Being a good parent is also recognizing that things are not always going to go as planned and our kids will not always be happy with what we are doing
* I can choose to focus on all the negative things or choose to look at the future and say, “I am a good parent. Today might not have gone as well as I would have liked, but I’ve got tomorrow.”
* Keep persisting and throw out the negativity!

Where to learn more about Dr. Mark Durand …
* Find all of Dr. Durand's Books on amazon

RESOURCES & LINKS:
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Check out my book ►
LIFE WILL GET BETTER - Simple Solutions for Parents and Children with Attention, Anxiety, Mood, and Behavior Challenges

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