Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized: Talking to Teens About Sex

In this video, I react to Lorelai and Rory’s tricky conversation about growing up, love, and big decisions. What do you think is the best way to approach these topics? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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00:00 Intro
00:34 Luke's system
03:37 Lorelai broaches the subject
07:48 Rory makes the first move

#mendedlight #jonathandecker #gilmoregirls

[FishareFriendsNotFood]

"If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to know" is a great rule of thumb for parenting.

[catdragon]

I love that philosophy of, “if you’re old enough to ask, you’re old enough to know.” Never got the talk from my parents, but they weren’t very good at talking about uncomfortable things in general, so

[KatiaTlacuache]

Another really important thing to talk with teenagers is consent and what that looks like.
As a teenager I had no idea how to stop things that I didn't want or wasn't ready for. And some other kids didn't know to even ask for consent.
I remember having vague notions of consent during sex education but it was never a priority, when in my opinion it's the MOST important thing that kids should be learning about sex.

[OzmaOfOzz]

Ok, but Luke's system was funny af 😂 and he was so proud of it, too! 😂 the man had a box of random stuff lmao that had me floored

[Snowfoxie]

Malcolm in the Middle has one of the best “talk” scenes ever between Malcolm and Lois on a long car trip. I’d love you to cover that one (and that whole show in general, there’s SO MUCH there!).

[Nikki-oegr]

Another part of the conversation that *MUST* happen is about being with someone who respects the words "no" and/or "stop" if you're not ready in that moment. If the person you're with is going to have a temper tantrum or worse, try to keep going despite your objections, when you put on the brakes, they're not the person to have your first time or really any time with. Someone who cares about your feelings and boundaries is a much better choice.

[lunaloutfy]

I was literally thinking about when you were going to upload your next Gilmore Girls commentary! Here’s a small, interesting detail or fun fact that I seriously adore because of how consistent it remains throughout the series regarding Rory’s character (and Lorelai’s, of course): Whenever they make Rory’s hair curly on the show, it’s to signify her becoming more like her mom. Lorelai’s usual hairstyle is curly, showing off her more wild and free spirit, compared to Rory, who was always seen as more reserved, responsible, and put-together. The reason they’re showing her hair like this in this episode is to show us how Rory’s starting to mature, grow into her own, and let loose (hence the loose waves instead of her usual sleek and straight hair), just like Lorelai did during her reckless youth. It gives her that untamed and slightly more rebellious look, showing how she’s becoming more in charge of her own decisions despite Lorelai raising her to avoid making the same mistakes she did at that age. You’ll notice more of that as the show goes on because there are so many different hairstyles she has throughout the series that convey a deeper, underlying meaning or connotation, which I think is very cool and important to look out for (not just with Rory, but with Lorelai too—though I think it’s more obvious with Rory). Also, Luke’s system is so funny and precious! 😂❤️ I love how he’s more concerned about Rory than he is about Jess, who is literally his own flesh and blood. Rory is clearly like a daughter to him, which explains so much, and boys do tend to get more carried away than girls 🙈

[srayj]

I really appreciate that you always acknowledge those of us who are ace because that is a very under represented experience in media. Growing up, I felt like such a weirdo because it seemed like all teen TV shows and movies focused on sex and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t also feeling the need to pursue that particular experience. Especially since I was literally the same age as Rory. I remember watching this and not feeling like I understood or could relate to her urges, but it took me a longer after that to really understand why.

[SaucyJTB]

Never did get "the talk." I wish I had, for sure! Love your dad's approach to being open, even though it may have been difficult for him, too. Granted, I recall that you're the youngest of many, so he may have had most of the spiel down at that point haha.

Still, fantastic parenting 😁.

[himynameisnickolas]

I think Lorelai and Rory have great open communication that helps their relationship work so well no matter the situation. I think part of Lorelai’s reaction at the very end wasn’t just because Rory is thinking about sex but that it’s probably going to be with Jess, whom she hates.

[MalloryNewcomb]

11:23
Ooooh that’s good!
In my youth ministry class in college, only one person raised their hand to the question of “raise your hand if your parents were the ones to explain to you what sex is”. We had 45 people in the class and the student who raised his hand was the guy sitting on my left. Not only that but they explained it to my shoulder partner pretty young because they didn’t want him getting that information from somewhere else.

[kmuk]

Hey my dad had the same sentence. When your old enough to ask, you are old enough for serious answers. He used this in all areas, so i know how babies were made and grow by the age of 6/7 and never felt silly to go to him or mum and ask questions 😊 🎉

[therestiveone]

I have 4 kids and all of them have received various talks from when they were young in various degrees of information. I made sure they understood that while the physical was important, I was often more concerned on their emotions and mental wellbeing of being physical and vulnerable with another person. It was very important to me that they also knew how to make their partner feel safe too, because while I believe that preventative measures are an equal responsibility thing, so is this. I am very happy to say that for the most part, my kids (3 girls, 1 boy) have talked with me about their experiences, concerns and even some funny moments. I was even honoured to have a few of their friends come to me for advice (which I gave after I had parental consent for minors). The best moments I see are when my kids are open with their friends right in front of me and we have a good, calm, often funny conversation that helps clarify, verify and validate what they are going through. It scares me in the same moment that there are still a lot of parents out there depending on school health classes or some other manner to explain something so personal and life-changing.

[melinewaller]

What do funny for me is that watching Gilmore girls starting at 10 years old when it originally aired with my mom is what started sooo many of these conversations. It was a great conversation starter

[MustardSeedish]

I highly recommend talking to kids when they're young. My 7 year old oldest asked where babies come from and I told him matter of fact with proper body part names and all. He shrugged and went along his day. My two youngest asked together when they were 12 and 13 and boy was that awkward. They giggled like a couple of girls as they realized how many couples they knew were doing it.

[sarah.the.clumsy]

I adopted a stance of just honestly answering the actual question that is asked. I've found that a lot of times adults editorialize our answers. We tell kids how we want them to feel about it whatever or whether certain things are good or bad, which isn't what they asked. If you are asked a question revolving around sex Just answer it.

[ginapiroli]

I remember the time when I found out my teenager was having sex . It freaked me out. Not that I was worried about unwanted pregnancy, they were taking precautions, but that he was no longer my baby boy and he was growing up. It's painful to let their childhood go.

[alexandrugheorghe]

I think Rory's mom feels shame and is afraid of a repeat regarding her daughter with regards to her unplanned pregnancy when she was a teen. By the way, your father was wise. 👍🏻👌🏻

[serenityeva]

It definitely feels like this awkwardness from Lore is a way to avoid the (what could be considered, over)reaction she had to Rory and Dean falling asleep at Miss Patty's in S1. "Just before"... boy, that would've saved all of us a lot of trauma 😒

[MegaMagicalMegan]

Hell yeah, communication is always best because without it kids will either feel Iike they can do anything and it doesn’t matter OR they’ll feel consistent shame over everything they do, or maybe even both simultaneously. With clear communication then all there is to worry about is what’s been talked about and how they feel. It removes some of the doubt and the guesswork and lays the foundation for a much more comfortable and confident love life &&& a healthier relationship between parents and kids.