The Future Of The Sexual Marketplace - Roy Baumeister

Roy Baumeister is a social psychologist at the University of Queensland and an author.

The social psychology of sexual interactions is fascinating. Sex is more than just a physical act, it has cultural, emotional, spiritual, psychological and social implications, many of which we are unaware of. Thankfully Roy has spent years studying the literature on why people have sex and what's going right and wrong with it.

Expect to learn why the female sex drive doesn't occur in the same way anywhere else in the animal kingdom, why women shape men more than men shape women, why more women have tried being bisexual but more men are gay, why there is very little evidence for a cultural suppression of female sexuality from men, why the male sex drive is a tragedy and much more...

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Extra Stuff:

#socialpsychology #dating #sexdrive

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00:00 Intro
00:23 How Women Shaped Men
12:45 Lack of Data on Sex
15:36 Mystery of Female Sexual Desire
21:01 Evolution of Orgasms
26:54 Malleability of Female Sexual Drive
37:29 Why the Male Sex Drive is a Tragedy
45:08 Studying Masochism & Kink
54:48 The Pornography Revolution
59:29 Suppression of the Sex Drive
1:12:37 What is the Future of the Sexual Marketplace?
1:17:19 Where to Find Roy

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[ChrisWillx]

Fascinating episode, enjoy! Here’s the timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:23 How Women Shaped Men
12:45 Lack of Data on Sex
15:36 The Mystery of Female Sexual Desire
21:01 Evolution of Orgasms
26:54 The Changeability of Female Sex Drive
37:29 Why the Male Sex Drive is a Tragedy
45:08 Studying Masochism & Kink
54:48 The Pornography Revolution
59:29 Suppression of the Sex Drive
1:12:37 What is the Future of the Sexual Marketplace?
1:17:19 Where to Find Roy

[TheNiklburton]

One of the human tragedies -- "Women get together with men thinking they'll change and they never do. Men get together with women thinking they'll stay the same and they never do."

[Rumpel_Stiltskin]

Women may well no longer need men for anything at all. But children need fathers. I know this from countless occasions in my own personal experience. Children who have a happy relationship with their father behave completely differently to children who have no father when interacting with myself. The difference is so striking that a complete layman cannot fail to see the difference. School teachers have reported such differences for decades.

[AttackspiderProd]

Props on Chris managing to work in the term "post nut clarity" into nearly every discussion he has now

[cosmicartsastrologicalserv]

I lived in Afghanistan which is an extremely repressive society. Repression of female sexuality takes almost all of the culture’s time. It is definitely a combined effort between mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and neighbors. Repression of female sexuality is a combined effort. The entire society partakes. And what surprised me is how trapped the entire culture is surrounding this issue.

[charlesstanford]

My man Roy!
I'm reminded of one of my favorite Camille Paglia quotes:
"Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."

[alexmuenster]

The interviewer is SO concise, and delivers his amazing insights with such urgency! Excellent!

[gwilson]

The clarity isnt a depression. Its the realization of how much effort or trade off a man has to endure for such a fleeting climax, my boy.

[sophicfire]

This is a fascinating subject and Baumeister's work in this field is superb. Great conversation.

[ubayyd]

Man is this an interesting topic, so very insightful. I would've never thought of *half* of the things mentioned here if not for this conversation. Thank you Chris! for your grossly underated work, & for bringing people like Roy Baumiester on here.

[heidimills]

As an educated AND religious woman in a monogamous committed long term relationship, I don’t identify with how this interview describes women. I’ve had high (& sometimes higher sex drive) than my husband. We learned sex with each other as we were both virgins when we married and we took it on as a great new sport, awesome hobby and amazing expression of love. We’ve had a ton of fun. We’ve experienced better sex as the relationship deepened, we’ve managed 4 kids and busy careers and the fatigue that comes from having a whole, full life… and he’s amazing with me and to me and I enjoy and desire him still. We’re a lot more relaxed about it as we enter our third decade of life as a unit, but it’s moved along with us as this lovely and enchanting expression of joy and union and fun.
These variable women, these mysterious and left/right/up/down/sometimes they find their partner gross thing doesn’t resonate with me at all. I wonder who these women are, I wonder if male researchers are interpreting it a bit differently than it really is because it’s not understandable for them (hence the repeating mysterious theme)
I think ideas of easy sex with multiple partners is antithetical to the discipline required to be the kind of partner who gets to the best spot with sex. No one questions that it takes years of practice and discipline to develop an elite skill…why would this not apply to sex? How good can you become at one person?
I’m just curious where the research is on the sex between the ones who work and discipline and fight for a good forever monogamy… because I think everyone else is trying to get to what that is.

[alisonvanschoor]

I concur on your comments regarding the female sex drive. My husband and I were enthusiastic equals at the start of our relationship. There was some drop off on my part ( much to my dismay) during the first decade. I had a high sex drive during pregnancy, but that may have been because I felt my most beautiful when pregnant. When my son was born I suffered through severe postnatal depression, during which my sex drive completely disappeared. Plus I put on weight so had no self confidence. We sort of bumbled along for the intervening years, but then I went through the menopause.... and I am happy to tell you darling Chris, the sex drive came roaring back!!!! (perhaps because there was no worry about pregnancy?) I can honestly say that even though we are both old and wrinkly now, our sex is the best it's ever been!!!

[justincredible]

Poor, poor man Roy. He has no idea how bad the situation is and how hard it is for those who want a stable life and children to find each other as they become increasingly rarer.

[actionjackson]

This entire conversation is a timeless goldmine of information!

[jennymcgowin]

This conversation was absolutely fantastic! I learned so much! Everyone should watch this!

[basedshaman]

I had the opposite experience when my wife went off the pill. My wife was on the pill first five years we dated. Her drive for sex started to wind down. She was even frustrated with it. She would mentally be ready for sex but her body didn’t respond. We got married and decided to have a kid. She got off the pill and her sex drive shot through the roof, especially while she was pregnant. Now, I was gone allot for work, so whenever I came back I would go out on a date with my wife. So I’m conflicted, idk if it’s because of the pill or because our lives reflected more of the early days we were dating. It might be a combination of both. So, I tell guys if there is a dry spell with their partner try doing the things you did to win her over. Go on dates once a week, be more flirtatious, buy her flowers. Now, she might be suspicious from the change of behavior, and so long you aren’t pushy, and doing these things out of genuine love, she’ll eventually respond in kind.

[jdheryos]

Chris Williamson it is Bettina Arndt - Sex Diaries who Roy Baumeister is talking about.
Bettina Arndt holds a Bachelor Degree in Psychology. A sex therapist who became a journalist aswell.
Has a YouTube channel and web blog.
Bettina Arndt publishes articles and books.
She has become an advocate for men suffering from exploitation by government, education, medical, court or law enforcement bureaucracy.
For her outstanding work Bettina Arndt has been awarded the Australian Centenary Medal and the Order of Australia AM.

[AlixPrappas]

That is a really compelling observation you shared about simp shaming Chris. I was that pathetic simp. It is good we keep high standards to a degree. At the end of the day, though, I am a believer, so marriage and sex mean more than just practical, animalistic appeasement of desires. Also, we are still animals, so understanding those natures and desires and fulfilling them ethically is important and good.

[Witchblade]

Awesome, I like that you invite guests who deliver top quality content even if they're not your typical TikTok superstars in terms of delivery.

[akredshaw]

Chris, how many books do you read! It seems like every question you ask is related to a book or article you recently read. As a one-time English teacher, I'm impressed!