INFP Enneagram Type 4 and Broken-Hearted Envy

[wendysmith]

13:10 I really related to this video. I am 64 and still envy the way my 89 year old mother favours my brothers. My partner died 8 years ago and I envy couples and it does really feel brokenhearted. I am a long time journal writer and practice gratitude but this video has made me think a bit more about how I work with envy. Thank you

[robroycahala-barrow]

I am a INFP 4w5 and I resonate with video I am to reserved n shy to write down much just wanted to say I agree

[pianoimpact]

I’m INFP 4w3 social introvert. Definitely the envy part is true as I am a pianist and damn do I get envious of peers sometimes but I simply have to remind myself that I’m not doing it just to be better than the next person and plus there’s no productiveness in blaming myself for not being where they are yet.

[IAmThanSolo]

I’m INFP, tritype 459 (“the contemplative”), so I often feel detached from the world / feel a struggle to succeed when I’m not ground in the real world. This might be euphemistic/denial but I don’t know that I necessarily feel envy, per se, but instead just accept as a given that others will always have more, do more, or be more than me, but like there’s no use being upset about that and just trying to find contentment and self-acceptance. Probably not the healthiest coping strategy 😅

[Individually_Authentic]

I'm a Enneagram Tritype 459, I've been trying to practice anaylazing how I'm feeling before speaking. I find it useful as to understanding why it's making me feel a certain way. I've found that alot of the time it has to do with how I suppress my own wants and needs.

[Sze]

Relicently is a pretty great word, many thanks to INFP fella. There's many different videos on Youtube talking about MBTI and Enneagram, so far this is the most calming one to me. Appreciation from INFP 4w5. :)
Oh, and I like that map and little story you create as well! Please share more about it!

[KyleVeverka]

That's how I felt the past week, especially because I met a lot of new people, made deeper connections to some and got closer to the life of others. It showed me the difference in our paths and I couldn't enjoy some things. I see functional families and a good support system and compare that to my situation, in which I'm just alone with my mother and the only one checking in on everybody, giving advice but still feeling unseen. This video would helped me a few days, but I didn't watched it right away. Will try to understand and adapt your advice. What helped me then was that quote: "The time you feel lonely, is the the time you most need to be by yourself" which I translated into accepting and letting the best emotion flow I can have in that moment and enjoy the friendship I have with myself. Yes, watching your favorite show with someone else would be a dream, but you managed it the past years to enjoy it and lose yourself in the happy emotions so that can't be bad either. Greetings from Germany. This is slowly becoming my favorite channel! Your voice and calmness reminds me of Dave Lee btw. :)

[MeliMeli]

I wrote this in the chat by mistake:
I am an INFP 4W5 selfpreservation/sexua;l instinct and as hard I try I am never satisfied with what I achieve.
​ I have a home, a wonderful husband, 2 healthy children and I have a job that uses my strengths. However, inside I still feel a restlessness as if if other people are happier or that they know more about how to enjoy life than I do.
I read and try to enrich myself with hobbies but i still have the feeling inside that other people know how to be satisfied with life and I don't. I wonder how to deal with this. I know equanimity is the virtue but I don't know how to put it into practice in a concrete/practical way in my life.

Great video! I'm an INFP and I identify myself with the Enneagrams 4, 5 and 9, but I'm still not sure which one suits me the best. Even so, the advices are helpful for me, thank you.

[keelinday]

I feel inadequacy but I don’t feel envy of anything.. okay maybe you’re right.. I envy peoples belonging.

[pointerdogmarketing]

I can relate to the 6w5, 9w1, 2w1, and to an extent 4w5, but less so since I've gotten in a more financially stable situation. I am disabled and had a very trauma-filled sad childhood, but I found a job I'm doing ok at and don't have to deal with poverty as much now, so that helps. I'm probably an INFP.

[Starlight-]

I was feeling like there was something wrong with me ! I realized I was so frustrated and angry with myself for wanting to start my YouTube videos, art, scripting, music. Feeling like I'm running out of time the world needs to be saved and fixed! Feeling on a rush and not feeling good enough has me doing nothing!

I was feeling so disappointed of myself!
I over think so much about the meaning of life and my human experience sometimes it just takes away from my inner peace!

I want to be authentic in my projects the thought of creating with my ego side hunts me ! I feel it blocks my creativity! I'm realizing that when I let go of the urgency and focus on living in my present moment and follow my intuition everything flows ! Any time I feel trapped I just need to be in nature and connect to the universe and everything seems magical in my inner world! There I feel the inspiration to creat 💝

Seeing this video made me understand myself more as an INFP I relate completely with this video ! Thank you for your work it's really helping people 💕

[khadeejadja]

INFP/EII-INFj Ne subtype here... With Enneagram 4w3.

I'm resonating with many points in this video. And now, I am starting to understand the real, hidden main reason behind why I'm not having personal Instagram account, limiting people in my facebook friendlist and why I decided to retire from writing literature works. Comparing myself to my other family members, friends and acquaintances only help to spark envy, like kerosene poured into fire...💀💀💀

Still remembering those days when I was still involved in creative, literature writing ( in my native language), the environment are sport-like competitive pitch fueled with prizes and awards. Friends in circles turned into silent rivals. And as an INFP, any competitive rivalries are overly bitter and energy-consuming.💀💀💀 And it snatched off the creativity.

Yeah... Being envious was and is tiring, and having a negative effect on both physical, mental and spiritual health. Gratitude is something that had helped a lot to overcome envy.

Thank you Matt for the points to ponder. And still keep wondering if Enneagram 4 is something to do with childhood trauma related to lack of emotional support from one or both parents.

[kachunk]

I like a lot of this, but one thing I think needs to be challenged is the "not allowing particular emotions" or "choosing a favored emotion" idea. There is a lot of research on how we demonize certain feelings instead of embracing that they are all part of the spectrum of being human. Keeping yourself from feeling something can actually lead to unconscious unhealthy behaviors as well as expecting others not to feel certain things. Non-judgemental observation of emotions can help us to investigate why we are feeling that way and make conscious decisions about what to do about it. Dr. Marc Brackett is an excellent source for well studied arena of not attaching judgements to certain feelings (which creates shame and shaming).
I can let myself recognize I'm feeling envy and ask why. Get curious, and think about what is leading me there and what would be a healthy way to redirect myself.

[LiciaMissori]

This "broken-hearted envy" is expressed very well in what I consider the INFP type 4 International Anthem :))

"I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special...
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here"

[mirellavasileva]

I have notice a lot of younger siblings are type 9, but type 4 also make perfect sense.

[beeurself]

hey! thanks for the video :) you really exposed my "dark" side which I couldn't put into words. "Broken-hearted Envy" and not expressing myself are parts I really have to work on. Also, thank you for your great advice.

P.S. I also happen to be lucky enough to have an ENFJ 8w7 partner, who is always there for me and gives my emotions direction.

[kimbakotschi]

Yes, as an ENFJ 4, I have noticed this with my infp 4 and 9 friends, the 4s usually distance to not show the envy and tell me later and the 9 eventually exploded on me. It's frustrating, I love these talented friends...

[darkrebel]

I'm an INFP and a 5w4. I feel like the Fi function corresponds well with the enneagram 4, whereas the Ne is probably what makes me look like a 5, the observer.

[catrocastre]

The show 'The Sandman' has beautiful concepts that I found myself thinking about thru this video... Like sometimes We are so quick to dismiss others bc We see them as fakes, but 'those are not lies, but dreams'. Or to be moody bc We feel bored, disappointed, unpurposeful and then comes Death and mocks us... 🤭
Thanks 4 the video, not so many people have something useful to say about envy, except maybe Julia Cameron, yup, The writer of 'The artist' s way'.