Why Some North Korean Defectors Want to Go Back

Nearly 34,000 North Koreans have defected to South Korea since figures were first collected in 1998. While the number of new arrivals dropped to a trickle in recent years due to strict Covid controls in North Korea and China, they are almost certain to start rising again now that border constraints are easing.

For many, the journey is arduous. Since the border between the two Koreas is one of the most militarized in the world, almost all defectors first flee to China until they can gather enough money to reach a third country, such as Thailand. Then they can apply for asylum in South Korea, which grants them citizenship after a security screening.

Their resettlement should in theory be easier because they’re moving to a country with a common language, culture and traditions. But North Korea’s decades of isolation and lack of uncensored information has caused a wide rift with South Korea.

Once North Koreans arrive, South Korea offers an initial settlement funding of 9 million won ($6,900), vocational training and subsidies for employers for hiring defectors. Many live near each other in blocks of inexpensive apartments, oftentimes the so-called 25-square-meter “rental apartments” provided by the government.

When the support runs out, they must provide for themselves — often leading to grim outcomes.

The unemployment rate for defectors is about twice the national average. Many older defectors retain a northern Korean accent, making them stand out each time they speak. Others bear scars such as psychological trauma or physical problems such as lung damage from digging for coal in unsafe mines with no protective equipment.

Nearly 90% of defectors in Seoul said they’ve had trouble settling into their new homes after a decade, according to a 2022 study from the Seoul Institute. North Korean defectors between 2017 and 2021 experienced suicidal impulses more than double the rate of South Korea population, which is already among the highest in the world, according to a survey from the Seoul Institute.

In some cases, leaving could prove fatal for family members who don’t flee. Lee, who defected to South Korea in 2017, and only gave her surname due to safety concerns, could only afford to bring one of her sons with her. When the North Korean authorities found out about her defection, they beat her oldest son to death.

“I am so lonely,” Lee said. “I want to go back and die there — South Korea is as suffocating as the North.”

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[firstname__lastname]

Being homesick for your homeland isn't something so crazy. Especially if your family is left behind. She probably suffers from tremendous guilt about leaving as well.

[TurquoiseLemonade]

When you listened to the interviewees, they were NOT really saying they wanted to go back. They were saying they miss so much their family and worry about them so much. Also they feel guilty becaus of what their families have been experiencing because their own escape.

[NutyRiver]

I started crying when that woman talked about her son who was killed. What a horrible thing.

[mailinglist]

This is so heartbreaking. I feel so compassionate towards them. They’re stuck. Physically, they’re safe, but emotionally and mentally, they’re lonely.

[jcarbonell]

When I came to America from Cuba, I remember telling my mom that the situation back in my Cuba wasn't that bad, and it was almost better to go back. A few years later, I visited Cuba and my jaw dropped at the terrible financial situation. So much poverty, so much misery, and such a bad authoritarian government. I had to go back to remember and to be able to better compare. There is a phycological trick that doesn't allow you to realize how bad you used to have it until you experience it again.

[TheOneCleanHippy]

I'm an American who lived in South Korea for a while. It's especially tough because South Korea has a huge problem with mental health services. There is a giant taboo surrounding mental health in general there and that has led to a massive lack of metal health services. South Korea has by far the highest suicide rate among industrialized countries. There is little to no help for people who need it when it comes to depression or anxiety.

[ray]

I don't think they miss the hardships of living in North Korea They probably miss their friends and family big difference. It's heartbreaking hearing these women's stories.

[mimigentil]

South korea's culture, educational and economic system is so competitive and puts so much pressure on their own citizens to the point of turning many of them suicidal. Imagine how hard it can be for someone who came from a completely different reality, who's maybe not so young anymore, who doesn't know basic technology, suddenly being put by yourself into this whole new world...
Must be so hard, I feel for them.

[cutieprincess]

This was so so heartbreaking. Missing people you love, fear of losing them… it’s a universal pain. I’m so sorry for these people. I hope they can find peace one day.

[gregmanvel]

The words she had for her mother at the end are heartbreaking.

[Fire-Toolz]

why does the title and intro try to say they want to go back when all they're saying is that they miss their families? this is incredibly misleading and unfair to the escapees

[Nils.Minimalist]

As a german, I understand part of their situation very well. It was a very similar situation here in Germany after reunification 30 years ago, when one part of german society felt superior to the other part of the german population (identified by their accent) and treated them as second-class germans. In a capitalist society, people do not stick together, that is the weakness of capitalism. However, these North Koreans come from a society where it is imperative that people stick together and overcome the daily hurdles of life together. These North Koreans suddenly find themselves in a society where people no longer stick together, but fight each other.

[Sttyn]

I have heard a lot about racism and discrimination in South Korea. They should be reminded that the ancestors of all N. Koreans were once their own people. They were just living in the wrong place at the wrong time after WW2. I hope the defectors can get more sympathy and supports and eventually feel at home in S Korea. They have been through enough in this lifetime. :(

[sami_ek]

I see people in the comments explaining the lady's attitude simply through the stockholm syndrome lens. Not understanding the utter brutality of life in a hyper capitalist country, when you come from a society that has other values than consumerism. There is a constant longing for home, or an idealized version of it. Not a day goes by where you don't miss the life you left behind, the people, the scents, even the earth and the rocks of your homeland.

[daMacadamBlob]

After living in Europe for over 10 years my father returned to Morocco, partly out of homesickness. It was the greatest disappointment of his life, over the years he had forgotten all the bad things, and having been used to the comfort and efficiency of Europe made it especially brutal. It’s illegal to take more than 2000 euros or something out of the country so my parents left with almost nothing.

[marct]

They say they miss their families, but I did not hear one say they miss the oppressive cult.

[joeblack]

Maybe what they need is more rural, maybe agricultural opportunities? There must be somewhere where they can find some peace and happiness.

[AlanSmith]

As with all major cities, it’s great if you’re rich but if you’re poor, it’s a long life of struggling

[washeltonstate]

This is an example of the paradox of poverty, and how the wrong people with power can ruin thousands and millions of lives.
They all deserved better.

[macbuff]

I've been battling complex PTSD for about 15 years now. It is horrific and debilitating. A shameful darkness that's indescribable. It feeds on itself. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I was worth something. To undo the damage I did to my life/prevent myself from pushing away an amazing loving woman and promising professional career.

It is important that we don't live people like this North Korean defector alone. Teaching self-reliance is critical, but so is extending a helping hand. The trauma cannot be undone, but when caught early on, one can learn how to better manage the symptoms resulting from it.