Sonder: The Realization That Everyone Has A Story

sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Narrated, written, directed, edited and coined by John Koenig.

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is a compendium of invented words written by John Koenig. Each original definition aims to fill a hole in the language—to give a name to emotions we all might experience but don’t yet have a word for. Follow the project, give feedback, suggest an emotion you need a word for, or just tell me about your day.

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Music: “Day" by Stephen Hilton
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"Sonder. You are the main character—the protagonist—the star at the center of your own unfolding story. You're surrounded by your supporting cast: friends and family hanging in your immediate orbit.

Scattered a little further out, a network of acquaintances who drift in and out of contact over the years.

But there in the background, faint and out of focus, are the extras. The random passersby. Each living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

They carry on invisibly around you, bearing the accumulated weight of their own ambitions, friends, routines, mistakes, worries, triumphs and inherited craziness.

When your life moves on to the next scene, theirs flickers in place, wrapped in a cloud of backstory and inside jokes and characters strung together with countless other stories you'll never be able to see. That you'll never know exists.

In which you might appear only once. As an extra sipping coffee in the background. As a blur of traffic passing on the highway. As a lighted window at dusk."

[KLK]

It's depressing to think that there are people who love what you love, but you'll never meet them.
~It's been 9 years, I wish everyone here great health and hopefully, they find/found that special someone.~

[rileyherbert]

My sonder story: I was waiting for a train one day and to pass the time I started playing on this piano app on my phone. I'm not a piano player but I enjoyed just messing around with it. I noticed the old man next to me was watching me play and he asked if I was a pianist. I don't know why I lied to a complete stranger but I told him that I was studying music theory at university and I was practicing for a performance. (I was in high school at the time)

 He was delighted to hear that, and started to tell me about his university experience and the music that he and his wife listen to. He seemed so happy to be sharing a small part of his life with me and I was more than happy to listen. I didn't say much, just nodded and said the occasional "wow" or "uh huh". Soon enough his train arrived, he got up and said "good luck", and I said "thankyou". I never asked his name and he never asked mine, but I think of him everyday. I wish I knew more about the friendly old man at the train station, but I will probably never see him again.

 I wonder if he remembers me. Maybe he wonders how my "performance" went. I feel sad when I think of him, but also unspeakably happy. He is a part of my life and I am a part of his, not a main character, but certainly a memorable appearance.

[omnisc]

There are times I'll pass people on the street or in a train station and they kind of stand out somehow and I get this weird urge to talk to them and get to know them. Instead I'll carry on and never see them again or know anything about their life. I can't explain but it makes me sad.

[sofleehk]

Sometimes it makes me a little sad when I realise there are billions of people whom I will never get to know, and so many stories I will never get to hear. It's sad that these all of these stories, including my own, will disappear once we die, and nobody will ever know all the experiences, fears, sorrows and joys I had accumulated over the years.

[kyleheck]

Honestly everyone says that this is a depressing reality, but I kinda feel comfort in it. The fact that every person you see all has their own lives means that there is always something good happening in the world, no matter how miserable it seems sometimes

[tamara_anne]

That's why I love observing people. Sitting on a bench in a park or in a public transport, putting my life and all my problems aside for a while, and just observing people around me. Strangers that I've never met. Thinking about them. What are their names? What are they going through? What is that one's biggest fear? What is this one's greatest achievement? What are their priorities, their values? What are their stories? 
The realization that every single person that you encounter has a completely different life and different story, it's incredible. 

[Cri]

Glad to see other people empathetic enough to know that they're not the center of the universe.

[spunkybrewster]

Had the sonder moment at about 8 years old. The family was driving to my grandmother's house. It was night and all I saw where the lights of Vancouver and all its surrounding boroughs. First it hit me like ton of bricks that all those little pins of lights where homes, just like mine, and they were all living their own lives. And that I'd never know any of them.

The real horror hit me when I realized that myself, my family, the car, and the drive to grandma's house were nothing but a speck of moving light along a distant road. One speck of countless lights observed by someone else's life. My little brain could barely grasp what I was thinking about. I remember sitting in the dark feeling like I was going insane.

[gen-zhippie]

When I watch this video I get this kind of feel. Kind of like a "sad smile"

[ontheedge]

What a thought...behind every screen that viewed this video is a life, a soul, a personality, an individual living their lives the best way they know how. If you read this, just know that you’re existence matters!

[ericvilas]

Every time I experience this, it's kinda depressing. I don't want to only be _my_ main character, I want to be an important character in _everyone's_ story. And knowing that it's an unachievable goal is unbelievably tough to handle.

[anthonytrevino]

I love all of you, all the specks of light and the extras sipping coffee.
Have a wonderful life

[harveyfaustino]

Hey, I'm just a commenter on a Youtube video. We'll probably never meet again, and we'll never get to know each other. Heck, you just probably glanced over this comment and didn't even care to read the next sentence because you saw this wall of text. Anyways, congrats for making it this far in the comment, I hope you have a great life ahead of you, and I hope we can be each other's extra cast just for today, or even for 6 minutes until we forget each other completely. Have a great day, or night.

[Woopdypoopty]

Doubt anyone will see this but when I was around 5 or 6 I was at the bank with my family. When my parents finished with whatever they were doing they forgot to put me in the car and drove off. I started crying and yelling and an asian fellow that looked like Jackie Chan to me picked me up and ran towards my car and I assumed yelled at my parents to stop. They stopped and probably thanked the guy. I’m 19 now and I think of that guy a lot and wonder what his life is like or even if he’s still alive. I really really wish I could meet him again and talk about that day and just catch up. Life is crazy. It’s just crazy how most of my life that guy was just “the guy who saved me when I was 5 years old” and now I realise he probably tells his friends and family a story about finding a young brown boy running after a car and crying. I have my own story about that day and so does he

[monsterguyx]

Thanks, I didn't have a word for this feeling until today. Sometimes I will catch a glimpse of some abandoned object in the world - a single glove on the road, a glass bottle deep in the woods, a ring of cigarette butts in a doorway, it could be anything - and it gives me a sudden, strong realization that I'm seeing a part of someone else's story that I can never know.

[Ataraxschism]

Dear stranger,

I wish I knew your story. I wish I knew you. All of you. But I can't. So let's instead make the best of our role.
Hope I'll meet you on the Stage,
.
Sincerely,
A stranger not so different than you

[Baked_And_Fried]

Sometimes when I’m high I remember that everyone has a different perspective both physically and mentally, but I see it as 8 billion screens, ranging from babies, toddlers, children, teenagers, young adults and elderly and it hits me that we all exist at the same, the way that no matter what time it is someone will read this whether during the day time or like me almost 2am, good luck to everyone on there journey of life and always try to appreciate every day because tomorrow is never guaranteed, I love you

[julio-dhst]

Whoever made this video, you should make one about the feeling of having fun but questioning it, like there's no reason to have fun if it's just going to be over soon. Its hard to explain, but it needs a word.

[tjsmind]

Idk why but whenever I feel lost, I find myself coming back to these videos

[Sodden]

This is what I love about life. Everyone in the world, all 7 billion of them, have an equally complex and meaningful life as you. I love to travel and just talk to and make friends with people from around the world, hearing a part of their amazing story, before going on my way and probably never seeing them again. That's a great thing about the internet too. Every person in every comment section, every chat board, every video, is a person with their own fascinating story to tell.