Heather gets a haircut!

It was the right move at the right time.

**The thumbnail photo was in 2023 when we were still enjoying happy times our hot tub**

In this video, I reflect on what life looks like now that Heather is in long-term care. I talk about the strange limbo I find myself in - no longer a full-time caregiver, but not quite sure who I am without that role. People say I can "go back to being her husband," but caregiving was so tied up in my identity, it's not that simple. And with Heather's condition so advanced, real connection is rare. I sometimes feel like just a visitor in her world.

I also talk about how I’m slowly trying to re-engage with life - starting with small things around the house and a hesitant return to my camper van project. These videos have always helped me process, and I appreciate the community we’ve built here. For now, I’ll keep uploading when I feel like I have something to say. Someday I may shift focus to my van life or travel ideas, but for now, this is still home base.

10:45 is PART 2 where I talk about a variety of things that have been on my mind.

Thanks for being here. You are not alone.

Xo John
YANA

ps the CD is from Steve “the deacon” Hunter

BACKGROUND
Heather first started showing signs of memory issues in early 2021, and in October 2021 she received the diagnosis of primary progressive aphasia, which is a form of frontotemporal dementia. Her cognitive decline since then has been rapid and steady, as frequently happens with early onset dementia. Her mobility has degraded at the same time, making the situation even more challenging.

How I first noticed there was an issue:    • How I first noticed there was an...  

Heather’s reaction when it started:    • Early signs of dementia and Heat...  

The most commonly asked question on this channel: Can you bring your dog to visit her? And the answer is, yes! They actually encourage it, so I will be bringing Penny to visit.

Email me if you want our mailing address

My main camera for vlogging is an Insta360 GO3S

[mojo]

I think Heather would be proud of you in every way.

[cherylgrec]

John, you have honored Heather with your love and caring. That is all we can hope for in life.❤

[ButterflyKissesHealing]

Heather is doing well. She is fed, clean, safe, and comfortable. That is a huge blessing to rest your soul when you take time to enjoy moments in your own daily life.

[maureenfitzgerald]

You didn’t rush. Heather appears so content and unstressed in at Northwood. She’s incredibly well cared for. You’ve done well!

[TamaraBelcher-vl]

There’s not a cruel bone in your body! You treat Heather with so much love.

[azgirl]

Heather made an incredible choice when she chose you as her husband. Be assured she is blessed!

[CherylMawhinney-yv]

John, I want to share my experience of being the recipient of at home long-term care. For the past year, I have been incapacitated with various illnesses. My adult son who lives with me has been my caregiver since he retired last year. He has been very attentive to me and my needs, but I can see that it’s beginning to wear on him. He does not have to attend to my physical needs, but he monitors my medications, sees that I am well fed, takes me to doctors appointments, and generlly looks after me. I am starting to feel guilty for stealing away what should be his retirement. I am grateful that I have physical and cognitive abilities and that I can still manage at home.

You did what was best for Heather and for yourself by moving her to a residential setting where she is well taken care of and you can regain your strength. Your dedication to Heather has been inspiring.

I don’t know what the future has in store for me. I will be 80 years old very soon and my goal is to recapture the simple pleasures of life without being a burden to my family.

Thank you for sharing Heather‘s journey with me. I want you to know that I understand your feelings and your dedication to Heather. I hope that my experience, although not the same as Heather’s, will assure you that you have always done what is right for your beautiful wife.

Blessings to you both.

[bonniehembree]

You never lost me for a moment..I am a 62 yr old female that had been married for 41 years.I worked in this field for many years and I just wanted to come here to let you know that you have done a wonderful job..I really can't imagine how you have been able to do as much as you have with no training ❣️ I don't think my husband would know where to begin ...I am going to have him watch this journey that you are on and have been for the last couple years, I just wanted to let you know that you are a wonderful husband, person, caregiver and it is beautiful to see ❣️God Bless you both❣️🙏🏻💞

[snodge]

Don’t ever question your decisions you’ve 100% put your wife’s needs first even when it broke your heart ❤

[loriwilliams]

Heather showed no stress! You did the right thing at the right time.

[von]

You did the right thing for your beloved Heather. She needed so much more than you alone could provide now. You did what she would want 💚

[GrannyMcDonald]

John, we all hope to have someone as kind as you to take care of us. You are the best!

[kencurtis]

That’s so sweet you put makeup on Heather. Her hair is beautiful.

[frillyapron]

Heather actually looks "brighter " than her last days at home. I'm amazed at how adaptable she is🌷🌷

[eilsmile]

Heathers soul still knows you and whispers quietly to her, she hears you. Doesn’t respond but her soul hears you

[ckcnj]

It breaks my heart when Heather looks at you like she is trying to understand who you are.

[BB-iqft]

It was a bittersweet moment when I realized that my beloved grandmother was more excited to see her caregivers than she was to see me. I was so grateful that she was attached to her caregivers. And so sad that she no longer seemed to recognize the special, loving tie between us...I was "somebody" to her but nobody special. From that day forward, I remembered for both of us. God bless you, John, and Heather and your family, too.

[angelabaker]

You may think she doesn't know you, but I think internally, she is comforted by your presence

[jeaniepartlow]

John I can see the stress melting away from you! You carried your piece of this well. You kept Heather safe and warm and cared for on your watch. You are allowing the professionals to pick up the baton for this next chapter. You have done well! Keep in tune to your being and one day at a time. Warm thoughts!

[lynnemargaretrose]

John, being an advocate for Heather's care is hugely important. Some people in Long Term Care homes don't have anyone to perform that role.
Please realize you are grieving now. You are grieving for the Heather who was while advocating for Heather as she is now. It is the longest goodbye. Hugs!