The Feedback Sandwich

The Feedback Sandwich

I love The Feedback Sandwich and use it all the time. Especially with kids, but really with just about anyone, it makes offering feedback much smoother. It helps to maintain the relationship, it helps to have the feedback received more easily. It's a wonderful communication tool. (You're a tool! 😅)

Simply put when we have to give
constructive feedback to someone it is useful to introduce the feedback with some sort of positive statement. This is the first slice of bread in the sandwich.

The next step is to give the actual feedback that you want to share with the person. The cheese, the meat, or the tofu
depending on your particular diet.

Finally we conclude with another positive statement in order to leave on a good note.

The sandwich is a very effective tool for offering someone constructive feedback

Like any skill it takes some time
to do this naturally and gracefully. In the beginning it can feel artificial and forced.

What a Poorly Executed Sandwich Looks Like

Unartfully done it can go something like this:

You have nice hair.
Your writing sucks.
I like your shoes.

We can safely call this a bad sandwich.

Planting The Seed of Change

When I think of the positive-negative-positive format
I see it like planting a seed.

I'm most effective at planting the seed, if I nourish the soil first. I must dig a little hole in the ground so there is space for the seed to be received.

Then I can plant the seed. Of course it makes sense for me
to plant the right kind of seed.
If I want a plum tree it will not benefit me to plant a cherry seed.

Finally it is time to cover the seed with soil and perhaps even spread some fertilizer on top.

Be There To Support the Process

If you want to take the analogy further we can say that even after planting the seed it might be useful to water it and also be there as a source of sunlight as it begins to sprout.

It is quite a responsibility to offer somebody constructive feedback. If we can do it in a way that makes it easier for them to assimilate and act on it we are doing a much greater service to them.

If we can remember that the reason we’re offering the feedback is not just to vent, but to actually create some sort of change that will improve the quality of life for everyone involved, then it makes sense to do it consciously and compassionately.

I have found that taking that extra moment to connect with kids before sharing my thoughts with them makes all the difference in how I am received. We wire our kids' nervous system with every interaction. If those interactions feel good to them, if they feel safe and nurturing, they are more likely to be open, and even enthusiastic about learning with us.

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