Relationships with Enneagram 5s

Here are the five key themes to know about relationships with Enneagram Type Five Investigators. These themes span the entire spectrum of healthy vs unhealthy 5s, so BE WARNED! These episodes contain more critical commentary than your average enneagram content on social media as I believe that's the heart of the enneagram's purpose (i.e. self-critical reflection that leads to true self-acceptance, healing, and personal growth). It's also not a one-size-fits all episode, so some of this should not resonate with everyone, especially in the higher levels of health. Lastly, if you want to go deeper into the theories around the type five personality, check out the videos linked below 👇

0:00 Intro
0:44 Emotions
2:57 Commitment
5:03 Retreat
7:02 Privacy
9:14 Security
11:33 Bonus

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-Written by Colton Simmons but with all due credit to the Don Riso & Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute and their many books for the majority of the insight contained in this video, as well as Richard Rohr, Helen Palmer, Claudio Naranjo, and many more inspirational enneagram minds!

[icthyology]

As an sx 5, I actually value physical touch the most of all the "love languages". It is a fantastic shortcut for me- it feels like a cheat code which lets me bypass the stormy mental work of assessing my emotions. I can simply 'be' with the one I love in a grounded way that defies and transcends the distance between us. It is by far the easiest way I have found to let someone in to share my world.

[Allthekingshorses]

“Security means clarity”… you put that so well… whenever i feel anxious about anything, i learn as much about the situation and knowing helps me cope.

[cca]

Female sx 5w4 here! For me, it's quality time and touch all the way. Words of affirmation come dead last for some very 5 reasons: 1. perceived inconsistencies between behavior and speech reinforce my tendency to view others as unpredictable, and 2. I don't tend to value or require external validation. When men try to get my attention with compliments, I feel manipulated and will make a very swift French exit.

[relecor]

As a 5w6 sx, when it comes to my partner, my love language preference is nearly tied between physical touch and thoughtful acts of service. Gifts...almost no one gets gifts right, just give me the money if you want to gift me something, or just ask me directly for the specific thing. Then actually get THAT thing, and not something close to it.

[ashitaonline]

I'm a 5w4 SP and I think I value physical touch the most, while gift is the least. I feel like no one can give me the right gift and I don't want to keep things I don't like. And I don't want to deal with their emotions/reactions to whatever I will do with the gifts they gave me.

[LaurenBradburyFarm]

I don't know how you do it, uncovering so many salient elements of motivation that regardless of the years of introspection I've done, eluded me until you pointed them out. My ability to grow in meaningful ways has been directly impacted by all of your thoughtful work.

[NanaJCrochet]

As an INTJ 5w6 female I can hardly believe there is still information to discover after all the research I've previously done. Yet, having newly discovered your channel, I find you most informative, not unnecessarily complicated in your instruction and quite humorous. I also find you spot on with your analysis. Kudos from Gollum/Mr. Darcy. 😊

[YouveGotaType]

Big thanks to everyone watching, liking, & subscribing! This series has been a huge labor of love and it's been so great to see your response 💚

[di_kid]

“An elegant thoughtful, pleasant person tease up a convo about the environmental impact of cobalt mining…okay, gas tank stabilizing, maybe even going up a quarter of a tank” 😂😭 never felt so heard. It’s like I’m drained until this kind of convo comes up

[jordanwoodard]

Fellow 5 here, this was all profoundly accurate. For a bit I convinced myself I’m a 4 despite having tested as a 5 but my wife then noted that is exactly what a 5 would do. She’s a 9w1 and I’m a 5w4 so we both LOVE to be alone at home together, but I’m grateful to say she openly challenges my crazy ideas and keeps me clear of getting too scattered and I, having experienced a failed marriage prior, can attest that we have small but worthwhile fights for the VERY REASON you specified is needed to signify we’re committed. I did not do that in the former marriage, and it has made all the difference.

Love the content, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me understand myself more.

[davewagner]

The bit about clarity is spot on! It can be a juggling act though because my comfort from the future goals as unchanging and sure can be confused by my partner as me being disinterested and unconcerned. "Do you still want to do this?" "Of course, if i didnt, i would have told you." It requires constant affirmation and "checking in" from me to let people know my ideas havent changed and i am still working toward the same goal. P.s. nailed the theory of impossible to buy something for a 5 is perfect for me. You could NEVER get me something more perfect for me because ive researched that thing for 3 weeks before buying it. 😉

[ediofelicianomatola]

I am five. In five I take long to commit with a woman, however I disagree that we tend to look to the partner as an object and not a human being. In fact, I take long to committ because I take very seriously the other part. I know that I may create expectations a touch deep feelings in the other side so the deep analysis before entering the relationship because since I am there as per my principles I am forbidden to quit for a non serious reason. I am forbidden to hurt a girl who committed to connect with me. My high level of responsability forbids me of doing so. So, we take the human side of our partner very seriously. We see the partner as a human with feelings and emotions that we must always consider and take care.

[carissav]

Well, that explains why every gift I've ever gotten, except gift cards and ones I bought myself, left me disappointed.😂

[LifeOfType]

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a sexual 5 but I’m really emotionally connected to people and have no issue having to reconnect with new people and I always consider the emotional side of issues just as much as the intellectual side.

[HoldThbeef]

As a 5 who was playing chess while watching this i didn't fully tune in until you started talking about cobalt

[enfieldjohn]

I'm a 5 wing 4 and I would say that this video describes what we are like quite well.

[josephboehmportfolio]

HOLY WOW 😮 as a type 5 I’m SHOOK at how accurate that is

[Huhhuhwhuhuhh]

In terms of love languages as a 5w4, I prefer words of affirmation. I’m not great at using my actual voice to say them, but I’m always writing the most heartfelt letters to those I love. When someone does it for me, it means the world. I think because I have strong emotions but a cold exterior, writing love letters (platonic or romantic) gives me a safe, private avenue to express what I’m feeling.

[CoachAhava-]

5:34 Emotions are an unpredictable predictable variable, and as a concept are often used to minimize, infantilize, or otherwise discredit decisions and decision-making, when infact everyone makes emotional decisions and explains them with logic.

I like incorporating the variable(s) and not letting them dictate or control my experience. Lovely observation.

And physical touch with safe people can communicate quite a lot. Absolutely.

[jrag]

As a 5, this is true. I'm married to a 6. Yes, the emotional aspect still drains me but we seem to balance each other. It's not easy but we're constantly working on it. 😅