June 29, 2024

[hopehowell]

It's also patronizing to good fathers. My husband gets so irritated when people praise him for "babysitting" his own kids, going out to the store with our children, and just typical parenting things. And plenty of men we know feel the same way.

[ManiacMeats]

As a father of color, I was actually a little 50/50 when being complimented for playing with my son at the playground. I mean, I think I understand the sentiment but it feels a little like a backhanded compliment or something. Anyway, I said thanks and carried on as I assumed it was said with good intentions. It's like PoC getting they are "so well spoken".

[wonderdiana]

It's definitely a mindset that's hard to break. We're always saying "normalize" this and that, but we seriously need to work on normalizing men caring for children.

[BettyBetty-sysq]

I had a c section, and my partner changed diapers while in the hospital and the nurses would make a fuss about how the other husbands are just sleeping … it felt bizarre, the expectation is so low….

[milikoshki]

yeah, my sister in law went for a trip with her friend and my brother was home with the 2 kids, both toddlers at the time. Immediately upon returning from dropping his wife at the airport, he received multiple calls from his in laws telling him they can come take the girls, he can come stay with them, etc. He was so irritated that the assumption was his wife does 100% of the parenting and he is therefore useless when she is away. Amazingly, he managed to care for his own children without need for intervention. lol.

[KristianaCembre]

The difficulty is that if men aren’t praised to the heavens, with everyone going down on bended knees, for doing the absolute bare minimum then they won’t ever do it again. It’s only with praise do men see the value in contributing.

That is SO TRUE! When my husband was running errands with our son when he was a baby he’d get compliments and comments every single time about how much of a great dad he was! This NEVER happens to me! They would tell me my baby’s cute but not that I was a great mom LOL

[vanillabeanlady]

My family is so toxic in this that when my drug addicted cousin brought his little girl to thanksgiving and every other adult ignored her (including him), my aunt accused my husband of being a pedo because he paid attention to the little girl and helped her open her new barbie. My family literally thinks a man interacting with a child must be a predator...it's just sad.

[stereotypea]

Yep just came from a guy making his daughter’s birthday cake. You would’ve thought no one ever made a cake before.

[elizabethwillis]

I never congratulate men on parenting. And I have always had pretty normal expectations for my husband as a parent. But I have seen people act like he was so great for taking our kids on walks. Which was weird. It’s not hard to push kids in a stroller around the block 🤷🏻‍♀️

[honeyartstudios]

So don’t praise men who step up? I know the bar is low but shouldnt we encourage this behavior? Please dont come at me. Im trying to see it from her point of view but feel a little conflicted.

[Ashni]

Whenever my husband takes care of some housework task I need assistance on or is on kid duty so I can do something solo my mom lectures me about how I need to tell my husband how much I appreciate him. I’m a stay at home mom with my kid in school but I take care of everything to keep our lives and household working, as well as morning and afternoon childcare, medical appointments, and sick days. When my husband takes care of things in that umbrella it’s because I’ve been sick, insanely busy, or there is a reason I can’t do it myself. I finally told my mom, “We are partners. I tell him I appreciate him frequently. I don’t need you acting like I don’t. And regardless, he is as much our daughter’s parent as I am. I take care of her plenty of times so he can see his friends or go golfing. He doesn’t get a medal for it.” Now. I just need to tell 6 more times.

[DesertMav]

I think it's wrong for not complimenting someone for doing the right thing. What so many women don't understand is that men don't get compliments very often. If we get a compliment for taking care of our children, it is positive reinforcement, not a negative. Men can go for years or even decades without receiving praise for anything that they do in life. If someone wants to praise a man for being a good parent and taking care of their kid, please let them.

[mauricemcclain]

As a 49 yr man who is child free . I will own being part of the problem and give guys their props for doing anything with a child. It's also based on my parents having me latter in life, my father had 3 kids the man never changed a diaper or gave a baby a bottle. My parents have been married for 61 years.

[nesslou]

There is a undelying assumption that men are not capable of parenting "parent". And when they do, people congratulate them like it is a baby taking their first steps. Which is ultimately insulting and infantalising for the men too. (In addition to being hugely unfair for the women ...). But yeah ...

[calicedetamarack]

People complimenting fathers for fathering, it speaks to their own experiences, and they mean well. I don't think people saying nice things are part of the problem at all.

[marydsouza]

Idk. I praise Mom and Dad's when I can. Dad's appreciate words of kindness and affirmation just like Mom's. I try to be equally congratulatory to Mom's and Dad's. People need kindness cuz kids are exhausting!

[JanGlow]

I would definitely congratulate this man on being such a great father considering mine wasn’t

[YvonneHoerde]

My husband did not have a job when the kids were small and he went to the children´s group once instead of me and everyone made such a fuss about it. I still worked part time and had. to do overtime on that day.

[hopeg]

My husband's grandma gushed about how he is such a great dad because my son was sitting on his lap for a boat ride 🙄