I Dated for 10 Years: Here's What I Learned

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What is love? Baby, don't hurt me.

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[LanaBlakely]

What's one lesson dating has taught you?.

[アビー-lu]

"Saying that someone else is your everything, it's pretty much saying that you and your life is nothing." Im speechless.

[lowzm]

Note to self: Don't fall in love, walk into it.

[weirdviking]

Narcisism is killing relationships today. Entitlement and egos. Relationship is a mutual respect and sacrifice.

[ladyofthemyrkvir]

As someone in their 30’s, some advice I’d give to younger people in dating. Over time you’ll notice key themes of time, self-care, self-honesty, communication and independence. What I’ve learned so far in life:

1. Be your true self, because that will weed out a lot of people that may not be a great fit for you. If you say you don’t truly know yourself yet, “Date yourself” (as strange as it sounds). During this time it’s best to not date anyone else, so it doesn’t interfere with getting to know yourself first. Figure out your own interests, how you like to be treated, self-care is key! Take yourself on dates. Exercise. Learn to Meditate. Treat yourself to get coffee or go to the spa, get creative, read, listen to music, watch movies by yourself etc. The result: You glow-up outwardly and change your inner vibration to the type of people you’d like to attract-ones that could potentially treat you very well and not be time-wasters. Not saying that they are negative people-just not a good fit for your life.

2. Don’t change/ lie about your interests so they like you better. I think it starts when you try to fit in in school/college/friend groups/dating this can be a difficult one to overcome. Especially if those interests are a BIG part of their life (like saying you like things when you actually don’t, or don’t care about ex. sports just to find a common ground) Wonder why it didn’t work out? it could have been that over time they caught on and feel like the whole friendship/relationship was a lie and you waisted their time, but also that’s not being true to you and it waisted your time as well. Most People will respect your kind honesty as they get older. Besides if it don’t work out there’s so many more people in the world to meet so what do you have to lose?

3. Communication is the key! If you don’t know much about a subject, just say so. It could potentially open up the convo. If you are truly interested in a person, say you’d like to learn more about what they are talking about. Really Listen to what someone is saying and let them finish their thought. If your feelings are hurt during an argument, say so in a polite, calm way. If you can’t, that is a red flag!

4. You could be majorly rejected at times throughout life at will. Be it friends, lovers, family or strangers. It will feel painful at first but that’s part of the life journey, It builds character and healthy boundaries, it may also signal you need to work on your character, manners, kindness or get help with other mental aspects/ (like anger etc.) mental health. It’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. But move on. Time is precious.

5. Don’t waste your precious time on people who lie, cheat and use you. You will be much older before you know it and wonder where your youth went. You may feel like you have the time to waste now, but life comes at you fast.

6. Not relying on others for your personal happiness. It will save you years of stress and pain. It’s integral have a strong sense of who you are. If you are committed or married, or have kids always have a back up plan- that doesn’t mean have someone else “waiting in the wings”. Have your own savings. Become self-reliant if you are able. Working along side your mate and not completely relying on them for emotional, financial, physical etc. once committed or married in my opinion is the key, to relationship happiness.

[passthekid]

I saw this quote online somewhere and it really stuck with me: “ your partner should not be your universe but a star in your galaxy”

Something like that

[stopmediabias]

“Despite what the movies tell you, love is not enough”

Damn I felt that

[MichaelBordenaro]

I feel mostly the same way. I have been with my wife for 11 years almost. If it were only about love, it would not be enough to keep us together. But rather, enjoying each others company, doing fun things together and most importantly, be OK spending time alone and doing our own thing. People need space to breathe, and be themselves. You cannot live only for the purpose of fulfilling someone else's needs...

[pool]

I haven't dated for 10 years: Here's What I Learned:
Nothig, absolutly nothing.

[briennablake]

What is truly heart-breaking is when two people who are very compatible break up because one of them didn't love the other enough

[ClintDecker]

"To find someone you love, you have to be someone you love."

[miadelfs-florez]

Never beg for someone to stay in your life. Let them leave and be your own person. You should never have to convince anyone to love you

[nalaa]

I was a toxic person:

I rushed into relationships, broke up weeks later, was never satisfied and never got to know men entirely BEFORE getting sexual with them. So yeah...very toxic to MYSELF. I never had self respect but I finally got it. I finally know my worth now and will NEVER use another person to feel validated. I date myself and love myself first before loving another human being,

[melimel]

“love does not automatically translate into compatibility”. So true. It’s a hard lesson I’m finally coming to understand and accept. You can love someone so deeply and still know that there is something missing.

[David-ibek]

Healthy relationships are two complete people coming together sharing their completeness.

[ariskasan]

"When we made that person our whole life instead of just a part of life"
Huge mistake of someone who falls in love

[MaZoneTV]

This is what it is for me:
Finding the "right" person, is all about finding somebody who happens to be walking their own independent path very close to yours.
The journey then simply becomes a greater experience for both.

[edwinatwell]

What dating has taught me is people are so concerned with, "how do I get the girl/guy?" That they stop being concerned with, "does this guy/girl even deserve me?"

[Andrea]

I've been dating for about 8 years, here's what I've learned is the key to success:
1. Honesty from the very start
2. Partnership, not only taking care of one another, but also caring for others together
3. Comunication, active listening, if your partner lets you know of a negative action of yours they didnt like, show them you listened and cared by working together for improvement
4. Having things in common is important, but not on superficial level (movies, music), but future goals and values.
If a partner doesn't really put an effort in these 4 things, I see it as an ok from them to move on.

[Verigo]

In my opinion two of the most common reasons why relationships fail are;
-not respecting one another
-giving your partner too much attention