ALPHA HEROES - Terrible Writing Advice

Construct your very own money making ab monster as Terrible Writing Advice covers alpha heroes frequently found in romance novels. Only JP, a man clearly at the height of masculinity weighing in at a tremendous 125 lbs, can show authors how to write a real man!

My honest thoughts are being turned into vlogs, so expect those soon.

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[pickyphysicsstudent]

Remember, the difference between a romance novel and a horror story is how good looking the guy is.

[fuzzythoughts]

"But it's okay, because he's attractive!"

And rich. Don't forget rich.

[ezelfrancisco]

"Yeah, but he had a rough childhood."
Cool motive, still murder

[duskadown]

*"My tragic backstory is that the author forgot to give me any backstory."*

[greentiger]

You forgot the part where the rest of the male characters have to be far more horrible than the alpha male so alpha can seem better by comparison.

[xenon]

I once read a reddit comment about romance stories, the "danny devito rule"
replace the male lead's looks with danny devito, if it becomes creepy, it's a bad story, if it's still romantic, the story is fine

[berserkerpride]

He's so alpha he can JUGGLE those red flags.

[JohnnyElRed]

In various points, you can feel his sarcastic tone wavering. This trope is actually upsetting him.
And I understand perfectly.

[Ahalaya]

"My tragic backstory is that the author forgot to give me any backstory."

My god. That is the most tragic backstory to have tragic backstory-ed.

Glory to the empire.

[arizonaicesuntea]

Dont forget the fact that his muscles are bullet and stab proof.

[unseenasymptote]

No man, you have it all wrong. People are reading romance novels for the plot and it has absolutely, positively nothing to do with the greased abs on the cover. It’s the same reason anime fans get pillows of the best written characters.

[blurryeye]

"we go to bathrooms in groups to get away from this guy, now he's following me in my literature?"
- Jenna Moreci

[naomistarlight]

Also he can't have any emotions. Emotions are for women! But he can be sad, angry, jealous, sexually aroused, and punch a hole in the wall because the love interest is wearing a dress she chose for herself instead of the one he sent her as a gift, BUT none of that counts as emotion! He will constantly be described as stoic, and the heroine will constantly be made to feel worthless because of her "womanly emotions" which involve things like wanting basic rights and dignity.

[dafoex]

We need an alpha male story that abruptly ends with him being arrested instead of him fulfilling his wishes.

Bonus points if his love interest actually falls for a werewolf with a dad bod!

[Garrison_the_Barbarian]

An alpha male could burn down an orphanage and still be considered the hero of his respective story. Why? Because he's got...ABS!

[donaldorios]

So basically, if your're going to write an alpha male character, just pour gasoline onto the fire started by Mr. Grey.

[gabriellegoodwin]

Remember everyone, Hitler was also abused.
"I had a sad childhood" is not an excuse, and barely works as a reason.

[anthonynorman]

At least the chain mail bikinis have faces. Thank you, we're more than abs. We have biceps too!

[Wyattporter]

Y’know, after that live action video on apology videos, I’ve come to realize that your avatar isn’t just a stolen epic face but it does truly look like you.

[Zogger]

Whenever I see an author that had a few original works, and then their bibliography is flooded with cheap romance, I imagine they were approached by a publisher with a big check and the phrase "do you want to make art, or do you want money?"