ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT | House Flipper Song!

In Empyrean's House Flipper you flip houses. This is a complicated and dangerous process involving heavy lifting machinery, a very large catapult and a series of gargantuan springs to launch the house through the... Oh. You decorate them? Yes. In House Flipper you *decorate* houses.

This is very convenient because I just bought one and it needed decorating. Is the game the most current and trending thing for me to make a video about? No. Is it something I had a golden, potentially once in a lifetime opportunity to make whilst decorating an actual house allowing me to make content whilst ALSO getting on with IRL stuff at the same time? Yes.

So enjoy this rather silly song about decorating. Not all evil businessman songs have to be about big fancy people in suits. Sometimes it's a shady independent trader with van...

Thanks to oo oxygen for their work on the mix, The Artisans for the beat and to Lizzy for her help filming the video!

#HouseFlipper
-----
Check out the full Stupendium originals playlist for all of my original songs!

THE STUPENDIUM ON SPOTIFY:

THE STUPENDIUM ON iTUNES:

Lyrics, vocals and video by The Stupendium
Track produced by @oo oxygen
Game footage captured by BassedOlaf

House Flipper, it's world and characters are property of Empyrean!

-----

You can support The Stupendium on Patreon!

Join the official Stupendium discord server!

Drop me a tweet? @TheStupendium

The Stupendium is a musician, animator and content creator, creating weird, wonderful and usually incredibly nerdy songs and animations. Join them on their journey to obscure, niche internet stardom! They have some pretty decent videos, wonderful facial hair and a great sense of discomfort describing themselves in the third person.

[TheStupendium]

LYRICS:

VERSE 1:
It’s half eleven and your doorbell chimes

Yeah, I know I said I’d start at 9

But I had to grab a bap on the M25

Don’t worry, love. Still gonna charge for the time

‘Cause I’m the jack of all tradesmen

And your place is craving renovation

Straight from the facias down into your basement

‘Fraid your radiators need replacements

Greatest decorator in an eighth mile radius

Don’t check my ratings, swear they’re outrageous

All their outrage is baseless – I’m blameless

Only three of my extensions ever caved in

You got savings? Ooh, well I hope you do

‘Cause it’s a heck of a job that I’m quoting you

Look, I know that you only want a coat of blue

But to be safe I’d better run my dozer through

I could do it in a flash, in a jiffy, in a jot

But the trouble is, love, it’s coming up one O’Clock

So I’ll have a spot of lunch, then a cuppa, then I’m off

And I’ll come back tomorrow, see if anything’s in stock

If I’ve got it in the van, that’s grand

If I haven’t then I gotta’ get the parts from Japan

They should be here Jan, maybe June, in year, maybe two

But I’ll take the down payment now, see you soon

I tell you, I’ve got five star reviews!

And by that I mean I have five one star reviews which is basically the same thing.




CHORUS:
Satisfaction guaranteed

Cash in hand and no receipts

Your dream home is my debris

How’s about a cup of tea?

I can see a little room for improvement

I can see a little room for improvement

Now, are you sure you want the glass translucent?

I can see a little room for improvement


VERSE 2:

A one man overhaul sporting overalls

Though I don’t recall the load bearing walls

So I ‘spose I ought to bulldoze ‘em all

Eh, your home is sort of disposable

I do wiring, grouting, I put your power shower in

That pipe ain’t leakin’ it’s just a little fountain

Whatd’ya mean that’s not what a power shower is?

The spout’s right here where the plugs are mounted?

I’m the handyman with the plan

To retire via cheating cash from your gran

Do you really need to tile all my ceilings?

That’s right I’m afraid, that’ll be ten grand.

If your wall’s too bland I can lend a hand

Got a car full of samples to artfully fan

And most of the lead free cans aren’t banned

Though some colours are still carcinogens

We got eggshell, beige, ecru, sage

Hessian and sesame and peppermint rage

Indigo Dingo, Elephant Plague

Hotdog Embargo and Lemon Rampage

We got Baby Blue, Navy Blue, Gravy Blue, Maybe Blue

Grape and Rhubarbecue, Caribou Cabin Crew

Third Degree Verdigris, Turtle Infirmary

Phlurple and Curdle and Terminal Burgundy-



Oh.. White? You’d prefer white? Okay then…

I mean, that’s fine too…


CHORUS:

Satisfaction guaranteed

Cash in hand and no receipts

Your dream home is my debris

How’s about a cup of tea?

I can see a little room for improvement

I can see a little room for improvement

The fixtures are nice but the quote don’t include them

I can see a little room for improvement


BRIDGE:

They say home is where the heart is

And that’s true enough I guess

‘Cause it seems like your garage is

Now in car-diac arrest

I’ve installed some extra arches

But your bathroom’s somewhat less

I’m afraid to say your bath is

Firmly parked upon your desk


VERSE 3:

I’m a stone cold filler

Pro roach killer

I’m a fixture of fitting in

A kitchen in your villa’

But my tea cup could use a little refill

And I don’t suppose you got a biscuit do ya’?



I’m no clever boffin but you know I’m never stopping

I can stick up a partition quicker than you’d slot a noggin

I’ll be bodging ‘til my spirit’s level, lying in a coffin

‘Til then I got a new side gig in pressure washing!



CHORUS:

Satisfaction guaranteed

Cash in hand and no receipts

Your dream home is my debris

How’s about a cup of tea?

I can see a little room for improvement

I can see a little room for improvement

You clearly just don't appreciate the Brutalist movement.

I can see a little room for improvement

I can see a little room for improvement

I can see a little room for improvement

Regulations? Nah, never use ‘em.

I can see a little room for improvement

[mordestar]

I've now decided he says "greatest decorator in an eighth mile radius" because that's the minimum distance of restraining order that literally every other contractor has on him, and he's turned that into an advantage

[bubbasbigblast]

"I asked you to paint my house, why the heck did you bring a hammer?"

"Look, if you don't assert your dominance over the walls, they'll turn on you first chance they get."

[TheEldritchKnight]

I think THE Reason why your music is so catching is because you can HEAR how much fun you had recording it

[Christopheromoan]

As a professional house painter he’s spot on with the weird paint names. They’re always like “Sleepy Morning” and “Rustling Leaves” lol

[noagero]

2:24 "Just a bit emulsional" That is the best pun I have ever heard in my entire life

[maxlyrenhex]

The most British song on the internet's public now, heck yeah. Genuinely such a great track.

[cobaltdeleon]

I like the chorus's nod to "Rouge's Gallery". It really drives home how trustworthy these two gentlemen are.

[Bisexual_Anti-Matter]

He literally made an ENTIRE VERSE out of paint colours.
It's perfect✨

[bthsr]

I love how the character stops thinking about the con and genuinely gets invested in the colors.

[DR-xbvn]

"Eventually all walls meet demolition" - now that's foreshadowing

[geniusgamer]

"Just a bit emulsional" after listing off all of those -colors- colours is probably the best thing I've ever heard (until next month, of course)

[katiecollins]

Ah glad to see some sports direct mug representation. Truly a British icon.

[Benny_Blue]

I feel like you legitimately broke some OSHA violations while filming this. Worth it!

[MatthewCampbell]

Hm, a lot of the rooms shown actually have a pretty good paint job, 'specially the orange-and-grey one. Theory: Painting is the one thing the House Flipper is good at and has professional pride and passion for, which is why he's so disappointed that his customer prefers white colored walls.

[Tozzywozzy]

So you filmed this at your new place huh? I can only imagine a neighbour at the window witnessing your antics.
"JUNE!
"What?"
"You know that bloke who's moved in next door?"
"Yeah."
"He's outside with the pressure washer!"
"So?"
"He's singing at a camera and shooting the water at the tree. I'm telling you, love, he's gonna bring down the neighbourhood."
"He seemed very nice when I talked to him this morning. Anyway, you had a bad enough opinion about John when he lived there."
"Well yeah, I mean, one day his wife's there, next day she's disappeared without a trace."
"Don't start on that again."
"She's buried under the decking, I swear it. He's standing on her corpse, June!"
"No he's not. She divorced him and moved in with her sister."
"Who told you that, June? Hmm? John did." *Continues watching Stupes jumping around on the decking* "You should tell him."

[Freeced]

"Are you sure you want the glass translucent" nearly sent me off the road when I heard it on Spotify, I'm so glad I made my way here for the full experience. What's left of the house looks lovely!

[rustage]

i've already watched this like 20 times

[zackinator]

Just when I think Stupendium has hit the ceiling of wordplay, he just shatters it with lines like "I'm not hurt or anything, just a bit emulsional"

[mistahspoke]

I love how Stupendium can go from suave business man to super sketchy looking handy man.