My life with Asperger's: Daniel Wendler at TEDxUniversityofArizona

How can we make sure everyone has a community where they feel accepted ? For many people -- the awkward, the shy, or the simply misunderstood -- life is a lonely experience, and good friends are hard to come by.

Daniel Wendler experienced this firsthand. He has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a neurological condition that prevented him from learning social skills naturally. Without the social skills to make friends or defend himself from bullies, Daniel grew up an outcast.

However, Daniel did not let his challenges define him. When he realized that his struggles were due to his lack of social skills, he decided to study social interaction like a foreign language. Over time, he manually taught himself the social skills that he was unable to learn automatically. He used his newfound skills to reach out to other "outsiders" and discovered the power of close relationships and genuine community.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[AFEWDimensions]

I want to be Daniel's friend. I am an Asperger's adult and this is the single most helpful video I have seen in an entire life of hell. Thank you Daniel for giving me a single ray of hope in my totally dark universe.

[adambrawer]

He really used his Asperger's to his advantage. This is a great outlook on life and I really admire his journey and determination.

[thefreelich]

As an individual with Asperger's, I can certainly affirm his testimony. Between kindergarten and fifth grade, I had very few friends, and many of the few friends I did have didn't treat me well. I would excel in school, especially in math (although later I began to excel in English and history slightly more) but my lack of social competence lead to me being mocked and insulted by others. It raged on to the point where, even before I was formally diagnosed, needed emotional support to deal with all of the bullying I received.

After I was formally diagnosed, I began to improve with my social interactions. Right now I'm between seventh and eighth grade. I have a sufficient amount of friends, all of whom treat me well, and excel just as much as ever, being one of the top students in my English, history, and math classes. I am far happier than I was in 2014, and while I still feel insecure a lot, things are so much better than I was even 3 years ago.

[pamelawilliams]

As an Aspy, I became a wonderful actress, who could play many rolls. Not in Hollywood but in my day to day life. I was called many things, a day dreamer, a loner, an introvert, a watcher and anti social.

[southlondon]

An absolutely beautiful speech. He should be very proud of himself for his transformation. I wish him all the best and thank him for what he has offered here. Just brilliant.

[glenistergrotj]

I’m 16 and I was diagnosed with aspergers at the age of 3. I have had challenges growing up and still now as I continue to grow. Hearing this guy use aspergers to his advantage is really inspiring.

[owengraziano]

I'm an adult with Aspergers who spent his entire life in special needs schools, and this video really spoke to me.

[felipegonzalez]

I'm asperger. Sometimes is hard deal with it. When people know what asperger's is about, they say it's cool, it's funny... But they don't know how really is to live with it. Despite of you want to fit, you can't. When you understand this world is about relationships you feel so bad, because trying to fit you become awkward or you behaviour can annoy others. Thank you for this video.

[Gymboify]

I'm 21 and have just been diagnosed with Asperger's. My main thoughts have revolved around the question "what now?"
This video has given my great insight as to where i need to start working - thank you :)

[hanna-mnyb]

That happened in my school once. An autistic kid sat at my friends table. Every single person went to the other table and I was the only one who stayed. I remember being so pissed off and most likely being judged by my peers. He was really nice so I had a good time with him during lunch :)

[kerry-annevanrooyen]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's last year at the age of 20... I had spent my whole life confused at my abilities and why people didn't seem to like me. This video is something that I find quite useful. xx

[emexdizzy]

1:53 I remember photos from my childhood just like this. Weird clothes. Awkward pose. Forced smile. I had to learn how to take a pretty picture so I wasn't always the lone dork in the frame. I guess that's just how Asperger's is. Stuff that's second nature for other people aspies have to learn by effort and practice. But if you do it enough, you learn it eventually. And maybe you come to value the skills more because you worked hard for them.

[PolyFez]

I felt exactly as what he feels. As an 18-year-old person with Asperger's, growing up, being in elementary, and middle school was very hard for me. People would become mad at me for something that I would have no idea why, but I know it had something of my actions in socializing with them. I'll get to a point to where in lunch, I would sit with people, and they'll get up, and leave. By the time high school came in, I needed to change. So I started reading books on body language and socializing. After for some time, I started knowing when people would get uncomfortable, and knowing when they comfort me when I talk to them. By the end of high school, I now have many friends that I now understand their ways, and how I socialize with others. I may still have a few awarded moments here, and there, but at least I now know how to talk to people, and have a well-developed conversation, and manage to keep those friends close to me..

[Spaztique]

Dan and I are improvisers, and I once got to talk to Dan when I was going through some rough times, trying to figure out social skills and such (I've never been diagnosed with Asperger's or anything, but I was horribly lonely and socially dead). At the time, I was a bit down on myself and considered him lucky when we talked, but I was wrong and he was right: social skills can be learned, honed, and mastered, and the rewards are beyond measure.
If *we* can make that journey, so can *you.*

[coreycox]

:) I'm the one in the tie dye. Thank you for this. I am 61 and have only realized that I have this lately. I always thought I was "shy" as a child, that that was not quite it. This is so relatable. I love the part about how you found your closest friends.

[MatthewBottomleyisaliveandwell]

A friend shared this with me.  I couldn't help but think how much easier life would be for everyone if we all learnt 'social' skills this way as children, instead of having to fumble our way around it and pick it up as we went along.  If I'd studied this in school in my early life I can imagine how it would have spared me the worst of those awkward experiences I think we've all faced as we grow up.  Here's to you Daniel, well done, you've taught someone apparently born with social skills some new ones.

[tom]

UK Aspie here. i came from the ImproveYourSocial skills website after looking for some learning material out there. I know Daniel may not read this but, if you do, I must say your use of metaphors and your tone of voice in your talk was exceptional. You're someone I can aspire to be. Good job Daniel.

[kemartini]

This makes me happy, my son has Aspergers and I pray that he fits in somewhere.

[Hon_cbkr]

Overcoming adversity and being humble many people failed that test in life. Daniel you are inspirational to me, makes me want to try harder. Thank You sincerely.

[kamileishon]

My doctor is considering the possibility that I have mild Aspergers syndrom and Im actually excited by that. Then finally I might find a valid reason for why I am like I am. A little light has opened in the dark depressed cloud that I have been living in for the past year.
And I think I inherited this quality, this syndrome from my dear father. The rambler. Who sometimes insist on telling a person he just met his entire life story cause he gets excited and wants to get it out of the way. He wants them to know who he is (good and bad) so they can be ok with him and his weirdness and they can then build the relationship from that. In a way its an admirable trait but at the same time I cannot count the many times Ive seen exhausted people stand there nodding wondering when they can exit the conversation without being impolite. Thank god we can learn from example and observation what NOT to do!