How to END the never ending cycle of INVALIDATION

#highlysensitivepeople #relationships #innerwork

How to END the never ending cycle of INVALIDATION

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XO,

Candace

[juliejen]

Whenever I want to address something that bothers me, I become the problem.

[tamrasmith]

My husband seriously laughed at me. I’m trying to express how lonely I feel in a home with his family that simply won’t grow up. Every time I try to express how I feel last on his list he laughs at me. I’m so close to just packing and leaving I didn’t get married to be unhappy…and that’s where I’m at 😢

[nadiaouakil]

This has opened my eyes like nothing else before. I just understood why I start to doubt myself in those situations where you know you’re right. GASLIGHTING myself. Thank you!!

[Elena-Studio]

"your inner child needs you step up for her" damn that hit a different spot

[zenofthemoment]

I have the opposite problem, I do the constant invalidating. This has really highlighted one of my biggest shortcomings. Thank you for helping open my eyes. I have a lot to work on.

[thewishingpooltarot]

It is a 100% because of you and learning through you that I have had the strength to leave a situation where I was being completely mistreated. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and recommend to anyone to follow your teachings xxxx

[danielvanwagoner]

Yeaj, combine this with having PTSD and Bipolar. With ivalidation and gaslighting she gets me to the point that I'm so frustrated and hurt, I start to become suicidal. I have nobody in my life other than her so I just learn to bottle it up and not share any more emotions with anyone.

[fightingfortruth]

Whenever I try to tell my wife about something I'm sincerely struggling with, she ALWAYS responds with, "no, thats not how you feel...you feel X" (X always being a negative, hateful thing). It's painful, but I've learned to live with it. I've learned to realize that I don't need external validation to feel better.

[stacey]

Finally. It makes sense. I always felt unsure and guilty if I wanted to leave. I wanted his approval. It would kill me to either stay or to go. Of course, then he left me when I was so numb and exhausted. It’s been a year and I am learning about myself more in this past year than ever before. I am almost 50 and I finally have been awakened. My inner child has my love and attention now. Really like your videos. You are so clear and confident in truth.

[charmedprince]

I'll just love and validate myself at this point.

[PaigeSquared]

If someone pulls a DARVO, I can feel it in my gut first. When I feel it, i look back into the specifics and i can see it. Its helped me so much, to be able to see and know what it is and why I feel so hurt/betrayed. My mom pulled one via text, it was so slick I almost couldn't find it, even though it was written out. Trusting my body more than my attachment figure has been huge! Validation that I was right, as a kid.

[Callummullans]

Solid advice in this video. External locus of identity is quite common. Don’t depend on allocation alone but learn to cultivate. Cultivate a positive attitude, your mood and feelings will follow. Many of us are dysregulated, learn to function fully rather than just cope. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind, strength and soul.

[Naturepsychologyschool]

Also I wanted to add that usually the belief system of illness (this whole lie they present us) tends to make us believe that LOVE is an exange good, when its NOT. And also, probably YOU where the love there (in the situation). So They've got nothinng! that's why they wanted to keep us little & powerless. They feel so little inside, and they are so afraid, that can only play with unprotected kids.
I cant believe I've suffered so much for people like this.
Deep heart hug to all of us.
Love you Sister 💜
Thank you for your work✨

[MrJuiceHugo]

Thanks for this video. My negative experiences are being invalidated and my family called me being negative. I wanna make sure it’s validated. I’m pressured to have a family, have a gf, have a job and things going on.

[val]

you saved my life. it feels scary even saying this while feeling validated after having watched your video cause i'm afraid that's not my truth even though it is.

[MultiGregschannel]

Amen! Excellent video! I realize that because I have withdrawn from dating at this time for fear that I am "not ready" to love anyone properly or be loved properly, I am now instead transferring this dynamic onto my work relationships with unhealthy relations to my employers.
Your perspective in this video makes so much sense and helps me to better understand how this same dynamic is showing up for me at work.
I have been caught in a cycle of repeatedly choosing employers who want more from me than I can reasonably give and I have been invalidating myself for the sake of continuing to work with them until the point of burnout.
In relationships, I tend to think that the other person expects something from me in return for treating me well and I have been failing to acknowledge that I shouldn't have to overextend myself to "earn" a good relationship. A healthy relationship should respect my limits and boundaries.
With this information, I feel more ready to acknowledge my needs and expectations for myself without falling back into an approval-seeking pattern.

We can't avoid relationships entirely and it doesn't matter whether we are actively dating or not. Our learned patterns will keep showing up until we address and resolve them.
Thank you for your insight!

[mildoctober]

Just finished watching this video and I have tears in my eyes. I think I’ve reached my limit with the person I was with for a year. I was always expecting him to validate my feelings or my decision to leave, which he never did, promised to get better but never changed anything. I was at a point where I would have breakdowns begging him to just spend a night with me. He’d tell me he was afraid of me and my reactions so he kept pushing back while simultaneously controlling me (driving by my work place, calling when I didn’t answer to his multiple texts interrogating me if I was with someone else). He constantly said I was the love of his life but couldn’t take me out to dinner. He always prioritized his friends, videogames and work. I’d confront him, he’d deny, said he needed that alone time. He’d always give me just enough crumbles to keep me going but when I put my foot down he’d blame my reactions and say I was too difficult or harsh or unfair. I was asking for the bare minimum. My brain feels like scrambled eggs. I have so much hurt. I couldn’t leave because anytime I tried he’d turn it around and act nice for a week. You worded it so perfectly. I’m so sad. I really do hope I made the right choice.

[seanrademeyer]

It’s been a long journey of awakening coming to awareness of these unconscious programs running in any type of relationship. As you awaken, prepare for serious backlash as you learn to love yourself and say no more. Namaste and walk away. No means No. Candace is absolutely right, and it can be scary. Fellowshipping with others in a support group really helps us not feel so alone, powerless and help curb self-doubt. It also takes away the power of those who are much more comfortable with you remaining asleep and unconscious. This is all a part of the healing process we must go through to know and remain in alignment with our true self. Anything really difficult to grow through yields the greatest reward. In this case, the rewards are endless whether it’s empowerment, self confidence, good healthy, joy, abundance, etc….

We never see or realize any of the gifts of this work until we do our healing work.

Wishing everyone the courage, strength and fortitude to continue to press through.

❤️🌞

[moonlightstargem]

I’ve met a of narcissists because of being adopted into a narcissistic family house hold. It sucks! I have to wake up to every little thing that they are doing to me to fight back at it

[winniewinkles]

Totally we’re used to obstacle course love and being completely self sufficient. Thank you Candace, super smart as ever.