Why Is Empathy So Foreign To Narcissists?

No healthy relationship can be sustained in the absence of empathy. Dr. Les Carter describes how empathy can be developed, then explains why it is virtually impossible for narcissists to grasp. They are so consumed with ego protection that they cannot see into you.

📣 Dr. Carter's new course, Anger Games, is live! 📣

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his YouTube channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.

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[williamdillard]

Not only do they lack empathy, but they are also clueless about the deficit.

[roxymovie]

Empathy needs a real connection but Narcs have lost this ability long time ago.

[roxymovie]

Empathy is built upon feelings, understanding and support.
The precondition for empathy is caring. And caring is a foreign word for Narcs, that cannot be found in their dictonary.

[joannepreslley]

After being married to a narcissist for 36 years he died very quickly and suddenly 9 months ago, he didn’t suffer at all. He left a whole load of problems which I am still sorting through and coming to terms with. The man to whom I was married was exactly as you describe and I have to face the fact I didn’t really know him, he kept so very much hidden and anger at me was his set position, no matter what, or how much I did for him. It was only the last ten years that I found out about the Cluster B personality from a counsellor who was recommended after I needed medical treatment and made me realise I was not always wrong. I gave up so much for him and to no avail. What a waste of my life, get out if you need to, don’t just survive, these people don’t recognise or value love and just continue to take - even after death.

[lindalarson]

Love and empathy are all about giving of oneself, putting kindness and service to others before self. Narcissists reject and even mock this, in my experience. It's sad.

[Creation]

They’re real good at PRETENDING to be empathic. They draw people in like a magnet. Eventually their mask falls off and you see that they are just faking it and really don’t care about anyone but themselves.

[judysangregorio]

All so true. Narcissists don’t want to understand, or truly care, about anyone but themselves. Empathy is the key to life, and a narcissist has no desire to view another person’s position. Great video! Hi to Gus!

[cheriem]

My older brother is the narcissist; I am the clairsentient empath. Horrible combination! Since nothing about me was ever "correct" or "good enough" for him, I have left physically and emotionally. Best step I ever took. He has disowned me and I don't care. I am now surrounded by people who genuinely care about me.

[UnniTorkildsen-nt]

The main things they lack are empathy and consciousness. The last might he even worse
Their whole life is a long competition.
Love from Norway❤

[Hatbox]

My ex narcissist would occasionally display empathy, but only when there was something to be gained from it. It's doubtful he if he ever had the real feelings. If I pointed out for instance that his youngest son really needed braces to fix his buck teeth, he'd zone out. I'd try the approach of "imagine how self conscious he must feel" or "it would boost his confidence (he had none)", he'd just turn up the volume on the TV and flip the channel. He just didn't care about anyone but himself.

[fred.k]

Empathy was not a subject in a narcissist class room.

[valerieshy]

When you started talking about funerals initially, a memory came back to me. About 10 years ago, I found out on FaceBook that a friend had died when a semi-truck hit her car on the highway in the middle of the night. I was in shock to hear the news and said aloud that my friend died. My in-law simply said: "That happens." Then kept talking about whatever she was talking about. Huh?! I didn't understand the full scope of her lack of empathy until the last 5 years or so.

[elderlypoodle]

I tried to build my mother up with truthful compliments. I tried to let my genuine love be shown. I tried until the day in hospice she passed. Please don’t put yourselves through this. You will feel you have failed for the rest of your life. Let them go. I promise this Doctor is on to it. 🙏🏻💪🏻❤️

[Mom-]

Anything you bring up about yourself to the narcissist, they turn it back on them.

[jeffreyboyd]

6:30 There is an aspect of the narcissist taking interest in who you are, but it is to mine for vulnerabilities so that they can explain what’s wrong with you.

[inpersonaDK]

They have a double standards. One for you and one for them.

[ia]

I've realized since the pandemic that no one in my family has any empathy. My own parents or siblings cannot have kind words when I'm in pain or sad, just holding my hand or saying something nice is impossible to them. I don't know if they're narcissistic but what I know is they're despicable beings. That's enough to me and I feel I've wasted so much energy, time and love it's so sad

[dannettepeters]

The narc's interest in knowing you, only extend to the point of deciding how well you will mesh with their self-serving agenda.

[Jiamochen]

They have pity but not empathy. Having pity on someone makes them feel superior. My wife cheated on me and then told me that she doesn't feel bad at all; after that she offered to be my best listener if i have things i wanted to tell people. She said that in such a way that she's the god sent help to get me through her cheating. WTF.

[beanp]

They are so obsessed with Self, there is no room for any other, they don't care for any other, exception when they view them as extensions of Self, so empathy is useless except when it serves as a cognitive tool for them to use to manage situations and relationships.