Stop Trying to Get It And You'll Have It | The Backwards Law

The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we feel. Or simply put: the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed. On the flip side: when we stop trying, we’ll have what we want.

Now, how exactly does this backwards law work in practice? Or more specifically: how exactly do we get what we want, by not trying to get what we want? This video explores the backwards law and its paradoxical nature, as well as the cause of our ongoing dissatisfaction in life, and how we can liberate ourselves from it.

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00:00 - Intro
02:10 - What are we trying to get?
04:25 - A sense of lack
06:07 - The will-to-live
07:54 - How to have what we want

#backwardslaw #aldoushuxley #reversedeffort

[karlstrauss]

For over ten years I tried to get into a relationship with girls but kept getting rejected or stuck in the friend zone. One day I said “screw it I’m done I’m just gonna focus on me and work on my own pursuits.” Started going to the gym, read a lot of books, picked up learning the guitar and really just focused on my own projects and guess what? Women still ignored me and I’m still unattractive to them lol

[Joel-pllh]

"Every man is happy until happiness becomes a goal"

-Tame Impala

[JitramSahu-kbky]

there's a book called whispers of manifestation on borlest, and it talks about how using some secret tehniques you can attract almost everything in life it's not some bullshit law of attraction, it's the real deal

[rddle_tune]

8:21 As someone who has been struggling with a really severe sense of perfectionism, this may be the biggest eye opener I've had in years. Realizing that the search for "perfection" itself IS the thing bringing that feeling of imperfection and deciding not to try to chase an unclear definition of it, has immediately sped up my productivity.

Perfection comes as soon as you realize that imperfection is not a bad thing. "Accept imperfection and you feel perfect." What an amazing video.

[blackmoonlilith]

Everytime I chase something/someone, they drift further away. The minute I give up on the idea, I attract it. In my opinion, life will give you things only once you've learnt to live without them, it wants to teach you to not base your happiness on anything external. It comes from within.

[sam.]

The more we over-analyze the harder it becomes. Just act with intent, without being too attached. Enjoy the small steps.

[blahblahblah]

I was so used to heartbreak and wanting to find “the one” that the moment I chose to focus on myself, I manifested the man I imagined. He came at the time I was focused on myself, and in the perfect timing as I was in an unattached state of mind.

Love is like sand, once you try to hold it tight in your hands it slips through your fingers but when you hold it without force, it remains in the palm on your hand.

[mesmerizingasmr]

You shouldn’t decide that you will be happy only when you’ll meet your goal, you should celebrate every milestone that you achieve on your way to your goal and be happy you made it, the happiness is within the process not at the end result

[jamesnelav]

Basically, still be a doer, still be ambitious, and strive to do your best but have a mindset that doesn’t focus so hard on the results, love the present, and let go. Much like how you typically find the best things happen to you when you least expect them.

[aguychillin]

“As long as you believe happiness lies somewhere else: with the next partner, the next job, the next year. It will never be where you are”

[trappart]

Honestly what it is about is experiencing things as they are and not being needy because when we want something badly we start to see desired thing as an end goal and not as an opportunity to experience life. In other words we have to explore ourselves and the world through experiences and this is the way of growth and being content

[prettygneissproductions]

GRATITUDE. If you wanna put this awesome video into practice, start a simple gratitude practice. I write things I’m grateful for in a small notebook almost every day. Writing physically really helps require thoughts and ideas and mantras and affirmations into our brains better.

[SuperMario]

"Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience"

[CrispyParrot]

"Fighting a negative experience means that you suffer twice" stopped me in my tracks.

[hatsunemiku]

I learned this law on my own. I noticed I was trying too hard to fall in love but when I decided loving someone isn’t that important, I found the perfect person for me :)

[khajiitimanus]

This was greatly insightful.

I've spent years in introspective reflection, ever since middle school. I was always wondering just what it was I wanted in life, and why I constantly felt dissatisfied.

I tried too hard to take the path I believed would make me happy. I tried to resist negative events, and force myself to be constantly friendly. Instead, I should have waited - taken in whatever events happened, accepted it, and worked off of it. Accept that it has happened, and continued natural gradual growth as an individual by doing whatever needed to be done, while simply accounting for a new factor. I always felt that I had to force myself to act - to be productive, and to improve. But by forcing it, I was doing neither - too focused on the idea, instead of the act.

I don't _need_ anything to make myself happy. Ergo, I don't need to concern myself with becoming happy. I don't need to question unproductivity; it is natural to tire out and burnout - by specifically _trying_ to be productive, I become less productive than if I simply do whatever need be done; by trying to actively recover from being exhausted, I become more exhausted.

To make a little Bloodborne reference:
"Aah, you were at my side, all along. My true mentor... My guiding moonlight..."

I was searching for things I already had.

[ThePioneeringPixel]

Something that strengthens this entire lesson is:
You don't want the item, status, or person, you want the feeling it gives you.

[QuestionEverythingButWHY]

“He who is not content with what he has, would not be content with what he would like to have.”
― Socrates

[GingerNingerGames]

This was super comforting honestly, it's something I've been thinking about for a long time, now I just need to execute it, I know there's a few things in my life that would, and would have worked out better if I stopped trying to pursue them with all of my being, but the sadness still creeps in sometimes, and it seems to overpower everything.

[TheFirstRealChewy]

My interpretation: First separate your wants from your needs, then strive for what you want but be content if you only get what you need.