Merriam-Webster word of year: gaslighting

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Bornintoclusterb]

The world is waking up to the reality of narcissistic abuse because of the good work from people like you Dr. Ramani. I see this as good news, knowledge is power. ✨✨

[jacqueline]

The first time I heard the word Gaslighting was from you Dr. Ramani. Thank you for educating us on Narcissism 🙏🏼

[youngblood]

A thief will steal your wallet and disappear. A narcissist will steal your wallet and then help you look for it!

[NarcSurvivor]

The Narcissist will tell you with full conviction the sky is green.

[gallevran]

I heard it first when I was being interviewed for a magazine article about being diagnosed autistic at 43 (2.5 years ago). I was in a toxic relationship with a woman, completely dysfunctional, my brain was not there. I didn't have any idea what was happening to me. I told the interviewer about something my partner said to me about my "condition" and she told me "I'm preparing an article about gaslighting. I think this is what is happening to you".

[tsukigalleta]

I don't think it's a bad thing that this is the word of the year. It doesn't mean there are more narcissists than before, it means we the survivors and society at large are more aware 👍

[carolynkepler]

The first time I heard of gaslighting was the movie Gaslight. I didn’t really get at the time how it applied to me. When I look back now, I can see how I was gaslighted for most of my life. I was the “damaged” one who would never amount to anything. Then when I didn’t, they were surprised. They have never owned it.

[sahdogwrangler]

Right away I can relate! Been married to a narcissist 34 years & only heard about narcissist abuse about 5 years ago. I read a book about gaslighting & I couldn't believe there was a name for what he was doing to me. I thought things that were just my personality are really signs of abuse. I was just so shocked but relieved to have finally have the pieces fit & try to make sense of what was happening to me.

[dyonneb]

Honestly I only heard and understood the word in 2020 during lock down when I was healing and recovering from a long marriage which ended that left me confused and depressed. So I heard that word from you Dr.Ramani. I found your YouTube account randomly in April 2020 and it was like therapy right there in my front room. Thank you so much for being part of my healing process. Wouldn’t have understood so much of what I went through if it wasn’t for you. Thank you again!!

[jennifergrant]

I searched "Is he lying to me?" and came across the word gaslighting in Jan 2021. I barely scratched the surface of that search then stopped because it felt so familiar.
He died in April 2021. Within the month, I learned more about gaslighting, narcissists, their behaviors and abusive tendencies. My grieving process flipped on its head. I didn't see myself as just a widow anymore. I was a widow, an unknowing participate, a victim, a reactive abuser, the list went on. I'm still all those things but I'm also a forgiven survivor.

[LeahIsHereNow]

The way it’s been done to me my whole life:

Step 1: Tell me what I’m seeing isn’t really happening.

Step 2: Tell me what I’m seeing IS really happening, but it doesn’t have anything to do with me.

Step 3: Tell me what I’m seeing is really happening and it MIGHT have something to do with me, but why do I care what others do/think?

Sprinkle in some invalidating statements like “you’re not the main character, ” “the world doesn’t revolve around you” (I never said it did!), “you’re so dramatic, ” “ oh, poor you and all of your ‘trauma…’ Boo-hoo, ” etc.

It’s so insidious and methodical that if you don’t take notes or have a really good memory (I suggest taking notes whenever possible) you’ll start a slow slide into complete lunacy.

The thing is, I used to argue with people, but it’s a waste of time and energy. When people are lying to me about what they said or things that happened in the past I see right through that BS and look at them like the pitiful failed gaslighter they are and repeat to myself “fortunately, this person’s belief in reality is not necessary for reality to continue.”

It can be exhausting, but my sanity is worth fighting for.

[enbusquedadeperlita]

My daughter. About the time she started talking about her dad's behaviors and him being a narcissist. So 6yrs ago. That's when I started to seriously try to understand my relationship. Big dive into the narc abyss. It was a bittersweet time in our family's life, but I'm so glad it happened.

[weitubermmeer]

Being gaslighted by corporations, politicians, local authorities, etc, is the thing that makes me mad the most. Because you can't just disengage and walk away like when dealing with just a certain person. You're involved, anyway, you're a part of a system no matter if you want it or not. And what can you possibly do?! Aaghhr😬😤

[jillwklausen]

I spent my entire childhood being gaslighted by my family. I would say something I'd done or said, and I'd be told, "No, you didn't." Excuse me, what? I know what I said. I know what I did. Who do you think you are to try to tell me I don't know my own self? It's crazy!

[CelyneSCI]

I heard it first on this channel! 2 - 3 years ago? Gotta check my diary 😅
Thank you for bringing light to this!

[debbmorrison]

First time that I understood it was on your program. I watched the old movie and that really helped to clarify it. Thank you for your good work..waking up is a life long process for me.

[JP-nvvu]

I first heard of the word narcissist 25 years ago when a therapist kindly handed me the book “Enough about you what about me.” She never used the word narcissist; she handed me the book and said I think this will help you understand what is happening in your marriage. It took me 24 years to finally say enough and file for divorce. I was married for 48.5 years. Why I waited so long is another story, but when I walked, I knew I had given it my all and am now on a new journey. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

[MakerMeraki]

The fist time I heard it was in therapy after my ex-wife's affairs. My wife had claimed my memory was bad for our entire 16 year marriage.

"I didn't say that."
"That never happened!"
"I think you're being too sensitive, that's not what I said/meant."

My therapist, both for couple's and individual therapy, mentioned that she thought my then wife was one of the most manipulative people she'd worked with, and might be gaslighting me. She then explained what it was. It was then that she suggested strategies to confirm it. One of them was to start recording every interaction with her. INSTANTLY (within a day) I had multiple examples! She said things and then claimed the conversation never happened. But there it was, her threatening suicide to manipulate and control me! It was the touchpoint I needed to feel sane again! It still took years of therapy to overcome the abuse and programming, but it was the first step in recovery. I do not know where I'd be, likely dead, without it.

At one point, she found out that I was recording her, and the rage and anger were insane. The funny part was that she complained about it to our therapist, the person who suggested I do it in the first place. 🤣

[vickioliver]

First time I heard it was was watching you and dr. Carter, thankful for you guys informing us and helping to deal with it all.

[costelloandlizzievolk]

The first time I heard the word gaslighting was when I started watching Dr Ramanis videos. It’s been a rude awakening to realize what’s been happening to me, but also good to learn so I can deflect disengage set boundaries and take care of myself. Thank you 🙏